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chapter 235 : I don't even know what's going on
What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.

I hate how dispensable I am to people. I hate how people feel they can just forget about me, replace me, erase me without even a second thought. Its like I dont matter to anyone. And hey, I mean, I dont blame you. Im no one special. I just thought you were different. I had more faith in you. And you took that, ripped it up, shoved it in my face and walked away without ever looking back.

You asked me to understand but I find it hard cause like suddenly it happened? I just dont get it. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there was no one else that you could ever be with, and that you rather be alone than without me.

Somebody told me that everyone's lonely, but I was the only fool there waiting down by the ocean, with my heart half way broken. I can’t even stand up straight. My heart is broken over in that corner, my phone is dead and my ears are ringing.

I think im losing weight and I dont know what day it is.My mascara is smeared on my pillow case and my fists are bruised. I couldnt say a whole sentence without my voice breaking if I wanted to. This is what it feels like to be let down in the worst possible way.

Well, at least I expected the disappointment, right? I mean, I cant say I was surprised you hurt me once again. But I cant say it hurt any less, either. Knowing that you two together, it makes me weak.