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chapter 251 : Oh oh, here it is!
Apr 24, 2010 | comment | 1 comment(s)

Audition Friendship Competition

The audition battle of Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore

Dear Clubbers,

Audition Friendship Competition was held on 10th April 2010, it was a friendly contest with the talented participants from 3 countries, Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore.

The competition was held at Potion 77, Soi Ramkamhaeng 43/1, consisting the skillful contestants of Mick - Pongpob Rattanasaengchot, Fluke - Sornkrai Thanavibulchai, and Jay - Wasin Kitisornweerapan from Thailand; Chris Lee Soon Vui, Nor farahin idris, and Isaac Tan from Malaysia; Ng Zhi Qiang, Marcus Ong, and Alvin Lau shi Jie from Singapore.

AuditionSEA server was used for Team competition in which the modes were Crazy Choreography 8, Crazy Dynamic 8 and Special B-Boy 8 with Random Fast music. The winner of this international contest was Singapore and the runner up was Malaysia. - AuditionSEA's website.

Okay, at first I was like. OH-MY-GOD! Tak da nak penuh lagi ke nama tu? HAHA. Like they put my real name kot? LOL. Still remember my previous post? I got joined Audi Online Frenship Battle? This is it. We got second place and wait. I feel.. I feel like.. Bangga kejap boleh? Haha (Y)
11:43 PM | back to top

chapter 250 : Trying to build up again.
| comment | 0 comment(s)

Congratulations to Freeya. She pass her level 39 and level 40 license.
Jiayous Jiayous to MASTER!
Maybe I keep being emo all the time so I forgot how it feels like to be happy and yes today I am happy. Haha. The feeling.. Hmm.. It's a good feeling and a bit different but I like it. Haha. So.. Lets see. Last post updated was on 21st April? WTF? Haha. Okay, I'm so lazy ass to update my blog cause I've been busy tagging and really I run out of ideas.

Oh oh, what's wrong with the crying face? It's cause audi is so SIAN! Haha. Yeah, I admit it I'm deproved. I can't chain oh wait. I can chain but the thing is my hand is really slow like so fcuking slow man. LOLOL. And I'm getting hate audi for some reason. I just sit and wonder when it's gonna be my turn to get the feeling like other people. What feeling? Nahh. I don't wanna talk about it cause I know I will get emo after that. Haha. If you know, good then. Lucky you. Haha.

Oh MASTER world, here I come. Haha. Goodbye, pro. I'm going to be a master soon. So, I don't need you anymore. I will run away from you cause I'm really bored and sick with you and I found master is more attractive. Haha. LOLOL. Lmao. People do change. When you get one then you will craving for more. So do I! I thought, oh level 39. So it should be okay la. Then I never bother but I changed my mind. I aim-ing for master now! See. You see. People. Greedy kan? Haha.

Now it's really rare for me to go arena. I went for arena last saturday I guess? Or maybe last friday. I also not so sure. Oh btw, some info for dearest members. I did post something at our bulletin board and the content is about fam is closing at the moment. Yeah, I decided to closed fam at this moment. What I mean is no tagging fam points or anything for now. Till when? Till further notice. Haha. No la, till everything is okay and when I get back my skills then the fam will be open again.

Since "something happened", I really rare to open my audi. Got one day, I decided not to patch audi but I failed. Yes, I failed. I broke my promise. I told myself not to open audi till everything is get done but piak! piak! Farah is so stubborn kan? I patch-ed it. Oopsy? Accidentally kot? Haha. Before that, I gotta a feeling to uninstall audi cause sian la. Im so broken up kot? I mean, I am sooo not okay la. Everything was like damn! It hurts, man. But I never do it. I just ignore it. Now I'm trying to get back and yeah I need some time and space for me to build up again.
1:09 PM | back to top

chapter 249 : Sleep is one of the common forms of ESCAPE.
Apr 21, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Keluhan hatiku tak siapa yang tahu. Ku simpan semua sebak di dada. Biar ku yang terluka. Pernahkah kau mengerti caraku memujukmu. Pernahkah kau peduli betapa sedih diriku ini - (Y)
Sleep is one of the common forms of ESCAPE. Yes people. It is. Why I say so? Cause when I sleep I can escape from loneliness, sadness, frustrations, rejection and from almost any problem possible. So, sleeping is one of my hobby. I just loveeee to sleep! Hee (Y)

I didn't get enough sleep today. I don't know why. I can't sleep these few days. My mind can't stop thinking.. Thinking... Thinking bout you, maybe? I don't know. It's so complicated or we are the one who make it more complicated?

I don't know. At times, I'm so confused with this situation. You just.. Leave me hang on and you ignore me. It breaks my heart, sayang. Really. And I guess we are getting so far away. Why? You really wanna put me aside? You don't need me anymore?

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Damn it la. I'm so emo right now. I don't know who should I turn to. I need someone. I just need someone to hug me and say "Be strong". Even I know I'm not really that strong but still I need the support kot? Sigh. Screw this shiit la. Oh, btw thanks for the pain. I just love it! (Y)

A friend : Jangan bagi org harapan sudah la~
Me : Wth u toking? -.-
A friend : Nah. Nth

FCUK YOU, dude. Im not the one who giving the fcuking hope! And I didn't give any hope to anyone! It's them! They make me believe on their promises and they give me hope to it! And now what? You talking bullshit to me? Middle finger!

If you don't even know what is happening to me, just stop saying and acting like you know okay? I hate fakers. Don't be plastic and I am so fcuking hate dramas. It's enough! I had enough with all stupid dramas in my life and I don't wanna add more dramas. For god sake! Mind your own business BITCHES!
12:03 AM | back to top

chapter 248 : Today, I felt like never breathing again.
Apr 19, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

I don't know what the hell is happening to me. It's almost one month and still I made the same mistake over and over again. I don't know and I guess I deproved alot? This is lame.

Firstly, I cannot patch my audi and that is sucks. I tried so many times but still the patch is not working. The small popup keep come out and it says "Unable to download". Like what the fcuk? Okay, I'm not really pro in this but how to patch sia? I only know how to auto patch but not the manual one. I tried to find a manual one but then. Iskk. I don't know la. It's not working. Damn. Anyone? Fix it for me please? Please?

Then, this morning I had bad traffic jam and luckily I reach at the office, 8.45am. I didn't have time to take my breakfast and thanks to mum btw. She goreng keropok lekor and I bring it along. Breakfast dengan keropok lekor? Oh gay. Haha. This morning hujan and I cannot go to the clinic so I decided to go there after lunch. Maybe?

But wait. Later jadi macam semalam. I went to the clinic after lunch, around 2.30 something like that? Then, I said I wanna see the doctor and blablabla and nice la. The doctor went out for lunch and she will be back at 3.30pm. WTF? So, I learnt my lesson. Before that, I called the clinic and I ask is doctor around then the nurse said doctor went out for lunch and be back at 2.30pm. Okay, that is nice. So, at 2.30 I went to Primecare and guess what? I'm allergic to lip balm and maybe with the lipstick that I'm using it now. Like what? It's MAC kot? Sigh. Waste money sia.

So, yeah. Today I kena again. I was like "Could you please.. For once, listen what I'm saying?" but you never give me the chance! And how I wanna proof that is not even my fault? What the heck la. This whole day, I can't stop cursing people! They just LOVEEEEEE to pissed me off! Everytime got problem, sure Farah's fault. Cam sial kan? Okay, I know that I am noob and like come on la. I still new kot? So you guys pun kena la teach me with the right procedure kan? Okay right now, I stress with my job. Fullstop!



PLEASE TAKE NOTE!
IDK WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO MY MSN AND FOR YOUR INFO, I DID REPLIED ALL YOUR MSG. IF YOU DID NOT GET MY MSG, TELL ME! BUT DON'T ANYHOW SCOLD ME SAID I DIDNT REPLIED. I DID OKAY! I REALLY DID! - please dont piss me off cause im not in a good mood, okay bitch?
11:27 PM | back to top

chapter 247 : This pain won't go away.
Apr 18, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

If he misses you, he’ll call just to hear your voice. If he wants you, he’ll say it. And if he cares, he’ll show it. If he has a thought about you, it will come out of his mouth. If you are on his mind non-stop, he will do anything he can just to see you.

If he truly likes you, he won’t let get anything in the way and fight back just to keep you in his arms. If not, he can’t be worth your time because you’re obviously not worth his.
- a friend.

Okay, seriously.. I'm not okay. Yes, I am not okay. Currently I'm having an issue with my own feeling. I keep asking to myself, "He loves me, he loves me not?" Cause seriously, I didn't see any hint that he wants me. Sometimes, he act like he cares and sometimes he act like hes not. I wish I was strong enough to ask him, "Do you really love me?" But I can't cause I'm too weak. Really weak. He made me to chase him and he left me hang on till I don't know! I really don't know! Only god knows what is the answer.

I wish I could read your mind..
11:10 PM | back to top

chapter 246 : I'm sitting there and I laugh-ed
Apr 17, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

For the first time in my life, I slack at Dataran Merdeka. What the fish? LOL! Dataran Merdeka? Oh sooo not me. LOL. Because of this girl. Yeah, the girl on the left ni, just because of her, I lepak la kan. Just because of her okay? Haha.

Before that, we had our dinner at Kg.Baru. Actually we looking for ikan bakar and not kerang bakar cause we oni found kerang bakar. Sigh. Why so hard to find ikan bakar man? Anyone know where is the place that I can get ikan bakar? Sigh. And and one more thing, where is the best place to eat nasi ayam? I heard that at Keramat is the best place. But which part eh? Sigh.

Okay, enough with the advertisement. LOL. We had, ikan siakap masak 3 rasa. Haha. So, 3 rasa should be ada rasa masam, manis and what else eh? Masam, manis and.. masin? Hahaha. Or pahit? Haha. Oh wait, oh pedas? Cause that day I makan menangis kot? Hot and spicy ikan tu. Haha. But really memang sedap la. It's worth it dengan rm35.50 for two person and thanks to my sistah, she belanja me. I love you lebih la! Haha.

While we makan, we had talked and we laughed alot. LOLOL. It was fun kot? How can I live without you sis? Seriously, x tipu. Ayeen sayanggg kat akak. Haha. Ewww. Nak vomit okay. Haha. Seriously la wey, I do love you, sis. Even you are stupid sometimes but still you're the best! I hope she not read my blog -__- Or else satu rumah dia kecoh kan? Haha.

After makan, we jalan-jalan and pusing-pusing satu KL. LOL. So, it was HER IDEA, nak lepak kat Dataran Merdeka. Lame -_- So, we just sit there and while im having stomach pain and cannot stand to pee feeling time tu. Haha. Gila la. LOL.

Nothing much la, we oni talked and snap some pictures. Cause we are so vain yaw! LOL. Besides that, we keep looking at the kids. They playing err. I dont know what is the name but that thing is glow in the dark and they keep baling-baling dat thingy and yeh.

When the thing fall down, you have to take it back and baling again, then take it back and baling. Like wtheck? LOL! I dont know la. Pe jadah tah benda tu. LOL. But the people yang jual that thingy, I think sure laku kot? Cause lots of family la kat sana and they let their kids play that thingy which really membazir your money but still whatever la. Its your money btw. Not mine. Haha. Seriously, I dont know what im crapping right now. HAHAHA.

Then, I saw this one mummy is catching her son kot? The mummy was like running kelam kabut nak kejar anak dia and dis boy like ohh sooo free cause dapat kaki and running like there is no tomorrow, then suddenly when the mum nak catch and almost dapat, the mum fall down terduduk plak tu. BOOO (Y)

Then me and my sis was laughing at the mum. HAHAHA. Like kesian gila. The mum's slipper tertanggal, then maybe the mum dah malu cause terduduk, she oni sit there like 10mins then cover-cover malu la kan? HAHA. Lame-lame. HAHAHA. Sumpah funny. LOLOL!! Oh, duduk sana then gelakkan orang ye? So bad. LOLOL!
11:26 PM | back to top

chapter 245 : I'm turning my head up and down
Apr 16, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Seriously guys, don't bother asking me what is the latest movie and what event is going on right now. Don't waste your time cause I don't even know wey! Hahahaha. So far yang I tau, PC Fair kan? See, x dala out dated sangat kan? Haha. Booyahh! And and one more, Jobstreet exhibition kot kat Midvalley Megamall? LOL.

I know la cause I heard it from the radio. Hahas. Oh by the way, just now I got problem with my innit. I don't know what the heck is going on cause I cannot update my post kot? Cannot post sia. When I click the retrieve button kan, it says error like wth? Zzz. I oni can post my other site which my tumblr. Oh, do visit my TUMBLR. Hee.

A few days ago, I went to One Utama cause I got 2 free ticket. Err. What movie eh? Uhm.. Oh yeah, its Haunted Room movie. A thailand movie. The movie was nice la jugak. Abit scary but not really scary. Haha. I watch the preview screening je. So, I lebih advance daripada you all la kan? Jangan jealous. Haha.

I went there with my sister and that time kinda rush cause I finish work at 5.30pm and nak siap lagi blablabla. The redemption ticket at 8pm. So yeah, we kinda rush la. The movie is about the boy. Yeah, the boy oni stay in his room for the 5 years and never keluar from that room. He oni stay inside and play his game. His online game. Auditonsea ke? Haha.

Dah macam kisah aku pulak. Haha. But actually, he already dead 5 years ago. So, who stay in his room? And what happened behind the door? Hah, sendiri tengok la. Haha.
10:58 PM | back to top

chapter 244 : I'm wasting my time, I've got nothing to do.
Apr 15, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Let's see, when is the last time I went to KLCC? Uhm.. Uhm.. A few years ago? LOL! Seriously, I dont like to go KLCC. Yeah. Maybe lots of bangla kot? HAHAHA. And also the Indonesian people. Eww. Maggie hair? Vomit! Okay, now im being racist. HAHA. Nahh, just kidding. Hahas.

We went to KLCC last sunday kot? Yela kot. Cant remember jugak. Haha. Actually, should be on that evening, we suppose to play kite at Kepong but then he said nak hujan la, last minute la, itu la ini la. Banyak cekadak plak mamat ni. Ikut jela kan? Lol.

But really, petang tu hujan =x

Since im so boring to death, we decided to bring our lappy and online at Mcd but couldnt make it cause my lappy kinda spoil. Sigh. So, x jadi lagi la kan? Okay, im bored. That is what I told him. Then he said he wanna blanja me an ice-cream. Woah, that's sound great kot? Haha. Jom lah kita kan? Haha.

He reach at my place around 8pm and as usual, I will make him wait for me. Lolol. Around 8 something kot we reach at the KLCC. At first, I didnt know we going to KLCC sebenarnya, cause when I ask him, he oni said "Adalah", "Adalah". And your adalah is KLCC? Pe barang bro? KLCC is boring man! Haha. But still, thanks to him. At least im out from that house kan. Tengok dunia, so the boring decrease la. Haha.

I wanted to eat an ice-cream from Mcd. The sundae cone vanilla flavour. Yummy yummy. We just walked, talked, walked and talked. Nothing much la. Like I mentioned just now, KLCC is super duper boring. Haha. We went there pun cause dah lama x gi sana.

So, we just stand and finish our ice-cream and snap some pictures together. Its been awhile I didnt hangout together ngan mamat ni kot? Kan bro kan? Haha. After that, we had our dinner at Kg.Baru and for the first time jugak, after so long... That is our first time makan with nasi putih, tomyam and blablabla. Haha. Right?

Well, before this we never order something like that before. But it was nice la. The food pun quite nice and okay okay la. I guess? LOL. After that, he send me home and I reach home around 10.30pm. Hee. Thanks for the dinner and yeah. The ice-cream too! Do belanja me nextime. Thanks. Haha.
10:22 PM | back to top

chapter 243 : While we having fun,
Apr 14, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Oh hello people! (:

Okay, okay. I know its been awhile I didnt update my blog. I didnt update for some reason. Yeh, yeh, lots of drama blablabla but actually the main reason is Farah is so lazy to update her blog. Thank you. LOL.

Okay, when somebody "kacau" her, she will get upset. When she upset, she will throw ANYTHING right in front of her but wait, her pc? No, she oni ketuk that cpu. Thats all. LOL. After that, the emotion will control her mind and TADAAA. Farah dah emo. LOL. Oh shiit! Why Im toking bout this? LOL. Lame.

Actually, I just wanna update for the previous. So, lets rewind (:



Uhm, cant remember when it happened. Maybe last saturday kot? Or maybe last sunday. Tahla. Not so sure. So, all of us, Danish, Damia, Mika, me and sis went to Desa Park City for fun. LOL! This time, we didnt play kite but poor Damia. She never joined us to play kite. So, on that day, she was like "Nak main ayang-ayang". LOL. Agak malas la kan nak main time tu? LOL.



But still, we had fun. And gosh. Mika was missing kot time tu? Faint. Damia and Danish was right in front of me while my sis on the phone with her boyfie. Then suddenly I realize Mika was not around kan? So, we all like panicked gila la? Haha. Danish almost cry. HAHA. Gay gila wey. Like chill la. Sure we can find an? But wait, what if we all cannot find? Okay, Im dead.

So, we all turn around and keep looking for Mika. And yeh. My sis found him. He like AWAYYYY from us near the kolam ikan. We all like wtf? Dia gi sana sorang-sorang kot? Like so berani okay? Sigh. Poke! Poke! Poke! You really made us panicked and kelam-kabut okay? Zzz.

After that, we all just walked and tawaf satu park tu. Haha. Nothing much la. Then we all went back. Before that, went to mamak and eat some roti canai then we all reach home safely at 7.30pm :)
8:53 PM | back to top

chapter 242 : What should I do with my feelings?
Apr 13, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I think. A lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from "What am I doing with my life?" to "Did I have something better to do?" The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud.

It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up thing I rather never think about again. The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life.

Sometimes I really wonder, does anyone care about my feeling? How I feel? I dont think so. Plus I dont have the strength to believe anymore. I just cant. Sigh. They broke it and im torn apart. Why this shiit always happen to me? Why me? Why they choosing me? ....

I dont want to feel anymore. Just let me be numb, and I'll be satisfied. No more happiness? I dont care and I dont give a damn. I just want all the sadness and pain to end. Please, take them away cause I cannot take it anymore. And thats why I hate emotions. The way they control us, and there's nothing we can do to stop them.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I thought, I already move on but I didnt! Damn! What happened to us? One day, I woke up and discovered we weren't close anymore and thats makes me sad.
11:42 PM | back to top

chapter 241 : It's sad how times change.
| comment | 20 comment(s)

I’m crying as I type this. I miss you.

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

Please come back, I need you.

Somebody, kill me please? I wanna die. Now.
11:30 PM | back to top

chapter 240 : General info
Apr 12, 2010 | comment | 2 comment(s)

Hello, peeps!

Just want to let you know, I do have a TUMBLR. Yes, people. I do have one. And I also have a formspring. So, anything you wanna know, anything you wanna ask, just leave it at my formspring, alright?

Besides that, I show how I feel through my tumblr too! I think tumblr is the easiest way to express the feeling kot? To those who doesnt understand what is tumblr is do drop your question thru my formspring. HAHA. Saja promote. LOL!

Im not feeling good right now. Im having flu and running nose. Sigh. So, get well soon Farah. Well, currently, I havent update my tumblr yet but SOON! Yes, soon I'll update it. My tumblr will alive back. Yeahh! Just want to remind you, DO NOT BOTHER TRY TO SEARCH MY NAME on facebook cause I already delete it. Facebook is gay and myspace is sucks. Take note on that (:

Click the link for formspring and tumblr :

So, that's all for now I guess. Oh, do click the nuff yeah. Thanks. Hahas (:

11.58pm,
Im off to bed. Night night.
11:40 PM | back to top

chapter 239 : I'll never let go.
Apr 11, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Jack: You’re gonna get out of here, you’re gonna go on and make lots of babies, and you’re gonna watch them grow. You’re gonna die an old lady warm in her bed, but not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?
Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it brought me to you. And I’m thankful for that, Rose. I’m thankful. You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless.
Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.

Rose: I promise.

Jack: Never let go.

Rose: I’ll never let go. I’ll never let go, Jack.
11:25 PM | back to top

chapter 238 : What if?
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What if this time, I don't say hi first?
What if this time, I don't text you back?
What if this time, I leave you wondering?





















Will you ever try to find me?

If I could write a book, all the chapters would be the same because my life keeps repeating the same SHIT all over again. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. Thats all I want. Why so hard to find one?

I don't know what I want but I don't want this.

He taught me how to love but not how to stop. So how can I stop loving him?
10:49 PM | back to top

chapter 237 : Online friendship.
Apr 10, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Guy : I x suka tengok muka you berkerut. I nak tengok muka you happy je :)
Me : *Smiling*

I still remember those word and it made me smile. Really. Thanks for cheer me up. I found that those word really sweet kot. Lols. Heh, dude jangan bangga lebih boleh? Menyampah. LOL.

Btw peeps, I deleted my myspace and facebook. So dont bother find me or search my name cause you will never find it =p
Currently, im not looking foward to create a new facebook. Maybe, not now. Yeah (:

Click for larger image (:

I went to audi's website and finally they update bout the online friendship event. When I saw v6, I was like "Oh damn!". v6 IGN already change to Freeya. Oh this is gay. Im panicked. Haha. Btw, gratz to v6, she advance to the final. Heee. Wish me luck (:

Before the match I had warm up with eyez and keichisan. They seems frenly and thanks to Kei cause he help me on my IGN. Thanks. Should be sake will join us but then she got personal matter and yeh, eyez will replace her place. So, for team malaysia is Kei, me and eyez (:


We won for the second place and the champion team is Singapore. Thailand team lose at the 3rd place. Gratz and I really had a nice game with you all. Haha. And woots im the only girl in the event. Cool x cool? LOL!

Around 9 Tyra drop by at my place. We had audi together. She help me to tag till 12am. After that, around 1.30am im off to bed. Early kan? Haha =p
4:07 PM | back to top

chapter 236 : Or was I addicted to the pain?
Apr 8, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Choose her :)

A guy like you deserves so much better than a lonely, heart-broken, fragile, tangled mess that is, me.

Right now, I am struggling to find a balance between passion and practically. It hurt so much to know you with her. You are everything I want and everything I will never have. I still remember every word you told me and I cant stop thinking about it.

How can I go foward when I dont know which way im facing? I found that one of the hardest parts in life is deciding when to give up and when to try harder.

Girl: Why cant you just stop thinking about it and follow your heart?
Me: Because, he broke my heart.

You know, after that day, I changed. I am no longer the same person I was two days ago. I dont know what is different, but I know I am not the same, and I know I never will be again. I am not the same person who believed in faith. I wont believe in ‘signs’ anymore, because they really dont mean anything, no matter how bad you wish or hope they do. As of right now, I dont even believe in love. There is no happily ever after, not in this world. At least not for me. Not now. Not ever.

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who wont run away. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me its ok that things dont always go right. That this is how life works, and how it will always work. That its not going to be easy. Today, tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better.
10:52 PM | back to top

chapter 235 : I don't even know what's going on
Apr 7, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.

I hate how dispensable I am to people. I hate how people feel they can just forget about me, replace me, erase me without even a second thought. Its like I dont matter to anyone. And hey, I mean, I dont blame you. Im no one special. I just thought you were different. I had more faith in you. And you took that, ripped it up, shoved it in my face and walked away without ever looking back.

You asked me to understand but I find it hard cause like suddenly it happened? I just dont get it. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there was no one else that you could ever be with, and that you rather be alone than without me.

Somebody told me that everyone's lonely, but I was the only fool there waiting down by the ocean, with my heart half way broken. I can’t even stand up straight. My heart is broken over in that corner, my phone is dead and my ears are ringing.

I think im losing weight and I dont know what day it is.My mascara is smeared on my pillow case and my fists are bruised. I couldnt say a whole sentence without my voice breaking if I wanted to. This is what it feels like to be let down in the worst possible way.

Well, at least I expected the disappointment, right? I mean, I cant say I was surprised you hurt me once again. But I cant say it hurt any less, either. Knowing that you two together, it makes me weak.
11:32 PM | back to top

chapter 234 : I hate your drama.
Apr 6, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Okay boy. Here it goes. For your information, I dont entertain stranger. Yes, I know we are in the same department but it doesnt mean that you can anyhow or simply like stalking me? Gosh. Dont you think is like so lame? Stalking and asking other people bout me? Faint. Im different than others. Maybe the other girls you can try lah but not me. You're wrong, dude. Im not into that category. I dont simply fall into your trap (:

Im getting piss off with this one guy. He said he admirer me like WHAT THE FCUK? He knows everything bout me! How lame is that? Dude, im sorry. You having an affair with a married woman which same department with us then now what? You want me too? Heh. Youre asking for my phone number and keep trying. Try hard still I wont give it to you.

Im sorry. Im not being racist here. I prefer a malay guy but you're not a malay, bro. Hey, look. Im not racist. Just that is kinda hard you know. Im malay and you're not and got some certain things that I cannot do but maybe you're understand but still. I cant accept you.

Seriously, dont waste your time to chase me. Im not gonna choose you, fullstop. Maybe we can be friend? Like a normal one? An affair? I dont think so cause im not really interested on that. Say what you wanna say bout me. Say im sombong or whatever cause I dont really care. Plus, you're just making me famous. Oh wait. I think I am famous now =p

Thanks for showing how much you care. Thanks for giving me an advice. Thanks for your information. I really appriciate it but we cannot be together. Keep it in your mind. Right now, im trying my best not to see or not to talk with you.

Summore, im not really comfortable with this situation you know. We are in the same unit, before this we got talked and yeh. Like Hi Bye sumthing like that. What if, other thing will happen? I mean, like I stop friend with you or something sure x best aite? Like no fun lah if this thing happen kan?

Well, I hope you understand (:
10:56 PM | back to top

chapter 233 : What a wonderful Monday.
Apr 5, 2010 | comment | 2 comment(s)

Seriously, I hate Monday. I HATE YOU MR.MONDAY! Urghh! I am so fcuking sleepy at the office. Like nothing to do. Gahh. So lame. Oh oh, I got a new friend which our unit got a new staff hey, I got a new friend. Hee. Her name is Alia. She's pretty. Really. Her face remind me of someone. Yeah, someone. Maybe one of the Kiaramas's student? Oh yeh. Angeline kot? Cant remember.

Me : Hey, im Farah.
Alia : Im Alia. Nice to meet you.
Me : Nice to meet you to. Uhm, btw how old are you?
Alia : Im 27.
Me : Really? o.o So, you want me to call you "akak" ke? No need lah kan? HAHA.
Alia : Yeh. Alia is better.

Well, today nothing much. I just goyang kaki at the office and cant stop yawning. LOL. Maybe its Monday so nothing much to do lah. I realise that I keep made mistake over and over again. I admit it, im a careless person. I should improve on that part. Aww. Sigh.

I had lunch with Alia. So we talked alot. Looks like she's okay lah kot? For now la kan? Haha. And and I bought 3 bottle of bliss yogurt for 11 bucks and got 1 free pink cup. Hee. How nice is that? Bliss came to Menara Star and they selling 3 bottles only for 11bucks. Plus, you can choose your favourite flavour. Cool.

I reached home kinda early. Like 5 pm something kot? And yeh, I repeat again, im very careless so I forgot to bring back my yogurt. Sigh. Rushing punya pasal, semua benda tinggal dah. Sigh. And guess what people?

For nuffnangers, do you guys still remember the kotex ads before? Yang korang duk click-click kat blog aku ni. Hahaha. Yeah, still remember? I got sign up the form and woots! I receive 5 sample from kotex yaww! The box is really nice. I like the box and im gonna keep it. Haha.
8:36 PM | back to top

chapter 232 : I heart them.
Apr 4, 2010 | comment | 4 comment(s)


Oh oh, I bought a new kite. Heee. I love my kite! So lovely and cute just like me! HAHA. I bought it for 10 bucks and its really worthy cause the kite is really fly! Up up in the sky. Weee. Oh, can you see the batman design? Nice kan? Hee.

Nowadays, I spent my weekend with playing kite at Kepong. Its really fun! Seriously. I really enjoy and I think im getting pro. Haha (Y) Now, dengan duduk atas rumput je boleh control kite. Haha. Cool an? I know! LOL! This time, Leesya didnt join us cause she refuse to. Lols. Maybe nextime (:

I dunno why im so excited. Haha. Like jakun gila? LOL. I am! Cause I never play kite when I was kid. Kesian aite? I know. LOL. Im getting too much excited when I bought this pinky zebra kita. Haha. LOLOL.


I wish I can get more happiness in my life. Even the kids really annoyed me but still, I heart them. I try to do more activities so that I can stop thinking bout you for once. Hahas.I try to get bust at time cause I dun wanna think of you cause I know you never think of me (:
11:43 PM | back to top

chapter 231 : I love people who can make me laugh
Apr 3, 2010 | comment | 10 comment(s)

I woke up kinda early like 10am? OH-MY-GOD! Sungguh mengantuk, okay? This is soooo not me! Like come on la. Bangun kul 10? LOL! 10am is like too early for me. Like very early. Yeh. Sigh. Maybe I get used to woke up every 7am every weekdays. So, dah terbiasa maybe? Heee. That's sound so good kan? People do changed (:

Stick to the plan, I went out with Tyra like finally? HAHA. After soo long barulah dapat keluar together. We off to Pavilion around 3pm. Yupp. 3pm people. Should be, should be la kan. I will attend an event of AuditionSEA but then I dunno la. The website pun never update anything. They never update bout the event so yeah. Went to Audi pun like nothing happen? No event blablabla. So yeh (:

Oh oh. Before that, I went to DiGi website and I upload some of my photos to be appear on DiGi's ads. Hahaha. Ala, the iklan yang "Be famous" tu. But hey, I am famous! HAHAHA. So.. so.. We watched "Its complicated". I watched the trailer before and the story was very funny. I LOL-ed so many times and the funniest part is when the guy is covering his penis using the monitor of the laptop but he din know that the webcam is ON! Haha. Gosh, Tyra should not watch this movie tho. Youre still underage! Haha.

We had lunch at KFC. Suddenly, im craving for a spicy and crunchy chicken from KFC. Yummy yummy! We really had a long talk through the lunch. Lets not called it lunch. Lets called it "Hi-tea". How bout that? Cause we had sooo called our lunch at 5 something? LOL. We talked bout him, him and him. Haha. Yeh. Oh Tyra, I haven check his facebook yet. Maybe later, alright? After that we walked, talked blablabla..

Seriously, I didnt really enjoy the movie 100%. You wanna know why? Firstly, I received phone call from my sister. She asking me what time Im going back blablabla. Cause she's the one who gonna pick us up at KTM. If one time called, nevermind la kan? Ni x. 2 or 3 times she called me like what the hell? Saba jela kan? Zzzz. After that, my other sis called me asking for my email and password for my facebook. Gahh. Then, Ariff called me. Blablablabla. Lucky, I silent my phone. If not, disturb other people je? Sigh.

Then, we off to BB Bistro. I met Ain for the first time kan Tyra? (: I pei Tyra to meet her friends. They had shisha and my hair smells shisha. Nice one (Y) Nothing much la but still I had fun and I saw the silverman. I wonder what kind of makeup remover he gonna use? Cause lots of glitter kot? Adeh. Haha. Who said the cab nowadays used the meter at night? Even they put the sticker, asking for the receipt all that kind of shiit, mne de. Dorang x guna meter. Saja nak earn lebih at night. Screw them (Y) Balik rumah rm35. Nice one (Y)
10:55 PM | back to top

chapter 230 : Sometimes, I feel like ..
| comment | 2 comment(s)


Everybody assumes that im so happy, that nothing is ever wrong with me. But nobody ever knows that I constantly feel like everything is falling apart, and my insides are numb. I wish some people in my life would cut the bullshit and be totally honest about something. For once.

Everyday I destroy myself more and more, usually in my head. If I could crash myself into everything in sight, I would. I want to hit pavement at 100 mph and get back up do it again and again.
Im never good enough, always second best even in my family, in friendships, in relationships, and in every single thing that I do. Im craving for an attention from you. I know. I know. Im acting like a childish but I cant help it. This is me. The real me. Can you take me as I am?
12:46 PM | back to top

chapter 229 : Expecting alot.
Apr 2, 2010 | comment | 2 comment(s)

I am so fcuking depress. This time it really hurts me alot. YES. Alot. You think you can fix it? I dont think so. Now, I know im nothing to you. Yes. NOTHING TO YOU. I thought I was the person that you love. The one you care. The girl you miss everyday but I guess I was wrong. Its not me. And all the things that you wrote, I thought it was for me. And I was wrong again. It was for someone else, right?

Today, when I woke up. I sent u a text and hoping a feedback from you but it turn to other way. So, I was planning to talk to you but ..... Sigh

When I saw what happened just now. I was like "OH-MY-GOD". My heart beat faster, faster and faster. At first, I didnt think too much till I saw that word, it really breaks my heart. Yeh. I admit it. Im not good enough for you and I know im not the one you wanted. Seriously, I hate to be this way and this feeling is killing me. Im in pain.

I screenshot EVERYTHING! And guess what? I did screenshot that word too (:

Well, maybe you're not happy when we were together. We always fight and yeah. Sometimes we got miss communication and MAYBE that is the one of the reason you choose someone else to company you? Im not mad. Now only I know why my "hubby" never show up anymore. No ring. Single. More easier? (Y)

So, tell me. Shes gonna replace my place? Shes gonna be your cheerleader while you playing? The one who will stay all night long with you? How nice is that? While im alone, struggling ALONE, and at the same time you got a supporter to give you support? You think, im okay with that? And you think I dont mind? You're wrong. Or maybe, you're not reply me cause you're so busy with her? I think I am right. RIGHT?

"The people who laugh too much are the ones who experience to much of PAIN"

I think im into that kind of category (:
11:00 PM | back to top