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chapter 134 : Do you think about me as much I think about you?
Dec 30, 2009 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Everyday, my thoughts were flooded with your name. My mind had been into traffic, daydreaming about you. Thinking, how was it like to be the one you call baby? How was it like, to ask you how your day has been? How was it to comfort you when you’re down?

I know I’ve been making this whole mess, the biggest mind-bugging dilemma that I’ve been to. But then what will I do, if this is the only thing that makes me feel sane. Do you ever think of any way that will put me out of this misery? No, I don’t think so, because you’re in it.

Different questions keep on popping out of my head.

Why? Do you know how hard it is.

To pretend NOT to wait for you.

To pretend that you are NOT the person who’s giving me butterflies in my stomach every now and then.

To pretend that you DON’T make my heart race so fast when I hear your voice.

To pretend that every time I’m with you, I DON’T feel like I’m everything out of extraordinary.

To pretend that I have MOVED ON and LET GO of you.

To pretend that I DON’T like you.

To pretend that I’m NOT wanting you.

To pretend that I’m NOT falling in love with you, twice as hard as I’m hurting.

If only I could teach my brain to feel everything that you’ve been trying to inculcate in my heart. And teach my heart, to think the way my brain does. Then everything would just be perfectly fine. If only I could, I would. Why is it effin hard for me to do those things? Is it my fault for liking you this much? If only I could care for you less. I would give anything just not to be thinking about you right now. Believe me. But it seems like my stupid heart, still chose to reminisce how great you were.

I really do want to write you off this time. But every word and every smile. Everything from you. It makes me weak. It makes me shiver. It makes me want more of you. And here I am again, back to where I started. Back to you. Wanting you. Losing on my grip to my moving on phase. Totally back to zero. Sigh.
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