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chapter 242 : What should I do with my feelings?
Those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I think. A lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from "What am I doing with my life?" to "Did I have something better to do?" The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud.

It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up thing I rather never think about again. The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life.

Sometimes I really wonder, does anyone care about my feeling? How I feel? I dont think so. Plus I dont have the strength to believe anymore. I just cant. Sigh. They broke it and im torn apart. Why this shiit always happen to me? Why me? Why they choosing me? ....

I dont want to feel anymore. Just let me be numb, and I'll be satisfied. No more happiness? I dont care and I dont give a damn. I just want all the sadness and pain to end. Please, take them away cause I cannot take it anymore. And thats why I hate emotions. The way they control us, and there's nothing we can do to stop them.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I thought, I already move on but I didnt! Damn! What happened to us? One day, I woke up and discovered we weren't close anymore and thats makes me sad.