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chapter 224 : Everything is going wrong.
Mar 27, 2010 | comment | 0 comment(s)

"Its like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart."

Im sorry I cant be beautiful or skinny or pretty. Trust me. I would if I could. Sigh. I just dont know what to do with my life. Im so lifeless right now. When I go to work, seriously I put you aside. Why? Cause I really dont wanna think about you. I dont wanna feel stress. The stupid faxes and the machine already enough to make me stress. And that is one of the reason I put you aside.

Just want to let you know, im not okay. Im not okay with my condition right now. I lost my appetite these few days and you never know and never ask. But I think its a good way to lose some weight tho -___- One more thing, I started to eat maggie non stop. I know its unhealthy but still. I feel so malas to cook and I think maggie is the easiest and the fastest way kot? I still remembered what she said to me.

Auntie : Balik nanti masak ke?
Me : Errr. x kot? Penat la :(
Auntie : Kalau masak, masak apa? Maggie? Haha.
Me : LOL! Xdala. malas la nak masak nowadays.
Auntie : X elok tau makan maggie. Nanti terus "goal" baru tahu.

I flashback. When is the last day I ate maggie? Semalam kot? This week, I ate maggie kinda alot? Sigh. Goal pun goal la auntie. Sigh. A friend of mine, "Maggie lagi ke?". Lol. Yeah. Malas nak masak. Hais.

I wish I can burn my desktop. I wish I can break the wall. I wish I can break anything in front of me. And I wish I can break your heart into a million pieces! You never know how I feel. You blame me for everything. Am I so hina to you? Am I? Tell me. Am I?

Every night, I cried myself to sleep. Its either because im too strong to let something like this make me cry, or its because im too weak to admit to myself that I am in deep pain.
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