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chapter 135 : 2009 is a nightmare.

chapter 134 : Do you think about me as much I think about you?
Everyday, my thoughts were flooded with your name. My mind had been into traffic, daydreaming about you. Thinking, how was it like to be the one you call baby? How was it like, to ask you how your day has been? How was it to comfort you when you’re down?

I know I’ve been making this whole mess, the biggest mind-bugging dilemma that I’ve been to. But then what will I do, if this is the only thing that makes me feel sane. Do you ever think of any way that will put me out of this misery? No, I don’t think so, because you’re in it.

Different questions keep on popping out of my head.

Why? Do you know how hard it is.

To pretend NOT to wait for you.

To pretend that you are NOT the person who’s giving me butterflies in my stomach every now and then.

To pretend that you DON’T make my heart race so fast when I hear your voice.

To pretend that every time I’m with you, I DON’T feel like I’m everything out of extraordinary.

To pretend that I have MOVED ON and LET GO of you.

To pretend that I DON’T like you.

To pretend that I’m NOT wanting you.

To pretend that I’m NOT falling in love with you, twice as hard as I’m hurting.

If only I could teach my brain to feel everything that you’ve been trying to inculcate in my heart. And teach my heart, to think the way my brain does. Then everything would just be perfectly fine. If only I could, I would. Why is it effin hard for me to do those things? Is it my fault for liking you this much? If only I could care for you less. I would give anything just not to be thinking about you right now. Believe me. But it seems like my stupid heart, still chose to reminisce how great you were.

I really do want to write you off this time. But every word and every smile. Everything from you. It makes me weak. It makes me shiver. It makes me want more of you. And here I am again, back to where I started. Back to you. Wanting you. Losing on my grip to my moving on phase. Totally back to zero. Sigh.
chapter 133 : Where is the love?


chapter 132 : Take it or LEAVE it !


currently YOU ARE IN MY TERRITORY! this is my blog so i can write and do whatever i want in my OWN way!
AND YOU! YES YOU! the one who reading this, you cant do anything! so just shut the fuck up! and just read what i write!

i had enough! you really cross the limit and yeh u can go to hell with your fuckin thought!

astaga . . . . . .

sigh. sorry for the vulgar words. i got my own limit but you really make me BOOM! sigh.

please la. i create a blog cause i wanna blog bout my personal life and i wanna share it to others. if you cant accept it, you can go die or do whatever you like. whats the point i create blog but i cant share how i feel into this blog? bodoh la kan? think about it.

everytime i wanna post sumthing i will get STUCK! cause why? if i say something, the other will get hurt. apa yg hurt xtau la. bofo dofo! ARGHHH, PI MAMPOS! kau ada fikir perasaan aku? fuck la! urghh. im so stress. oh-my-god :(

oh btw, when i get mad i will curse! YES! i cant stop curse! so what? at least im not pretending! and i din say dat im a gd girl! its up to you all to judge me cause i really dont give a shit (:

people who know me well, they know who i am.
chapter 131 : Find me @ formspring.me !
wanna ask me a question? or anything you wanna know more bout me?
click the link and i will answer your ALL question A.S.A.P =]


chapter 130 : save your heart for someone that's worth dying for
this post i should post few days ago but i running out of words. haha.

i got 16 miss called from him. im like O.O and i got his text,
he asked me "are you okay? im sorry im not there when you need me. why x text je?"
i replied "call me back?".

thanks for being there when i need you. you're such a good friend <3
remember my previous soo called emo post? haha. im not over him but i just go with the flow. so lets see when is the game will end? winks*

tyra off to kedah. sigh. BOSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. i miss you already :(
balik la cepat woi. hahaha. and any gift from me x? =p
currently my relationship with ariff not so good i think? i don't know what is the problem =x cause i din see any problem? hahas. he said im changed. am i changed? issit to the good one or the bad one? Good girl gone bad? rofl. haha.

come on, sayang. cheer up. tayah la emo :(
u emo, i lagi la emo. penat la pa oi. sigh. and yes yes, i will change. as your wish. sigh. apa yang changed tatau la. YEAH. i will change =x

that's all i guess?
off to bed. nite nite ♥
chapter 129 : I am saving all my secrets for a deaf man
so.. the deaf man cant tell anyone =p

oh, HELLO people (:
its been days i din update. sorry for that. btw its MONDAY! woots. u come again Mr. Monday? i hate you =.= and i hope you know that. lol.

well, nothing much today. i woke up at 5pm. rofl. i tak guna kan? i know =.= ariff called but still i couldnt get awake. haha. i din go for training today. im not interested to dat job actually =x
choosy? im not. sigh. just that im not interested (:

my money da mengalir macam air. i miss $$ so badly :( urghh. susahnya nak cari. ni sume his fault la ni. you know who you are! haha =p
my key space is getting gay. it got stuck! damn. i press to hard i think? yela, main audi guna space bar an. haha.

i got nothing to write la. hais. nak off la.
bye. LOL.

xoxo
chapter 128 : Unwanted.
are you tyring to avoid from me? or you trying to stop on something that shouldnt be stop?! you never know and never care how i feel dont you?

why im saying this? you wanna know why? CAUSE I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO unwanted! :(

i dun wanna say this.. but. urghhh.

I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

i dont hate you. i just hate your behaviour. the game that u created! why you behaving like this? did you know how it really tortured me?!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

my heart is crying. sigh.
please. for once. just show to me. be gentle. for me, please?

just show, how much you care.. how much you need me.. how special i am to you..
these few days.. i feel so unwanted (or issit me who thinkin too much?)

i think im acting like a kid who craving an attention so much. sigh. i am.

if you're reading this.. and you know who you are, don't ask me WHAT, WHY, WHO, and HOW. just surprise me, baby. im waiting after u told me that im your everything?

Labels: sad

chapter 127 : I'm not good enough for you.
i had audi today and we talk. im not very talkative cause im not in the mood after that "thing" came out. it really spoil my mood and i cant get sleep till now.

i dunno where to start? i got alot of things to say but ..... sigh. urghhh. fish this!

i play 21 guns by greenday feat american idiot musical cast over and over again. i just love the beat. perfect! and the stupid thing is when the song almost done got one girl says


can i give the middle finger? =.=
da la tengah emo an. boleh plak the words come out. lagi la emo 200%. sigh. dia cam tau2 an? haha. nice. very nice =.=

i went to dis blog and suddenly i feel sad. nono. not sad. dissapointed? no. its diff. the feeling is diff. like hm... how to say. the feeling is like half kecewa, sedikit sad and soooo. YEAH! OMG. yeah yeah. now i knw how i feel. the feeling is UNHAPPY. im unhappy with the post! YES! gosh =.=

please... dont ask me why. cause the feeling... really hard to describe. only the expert people can feel it. and i know buddy. u can feel me cause ure the only person who understand bout my feeling and i dun even need to describe it.

to the person ; i know.. im not good enough for you cause im not that good? i dunno why i feel so down maybe ... maybe ... im scared of losing you? (oh-my-god. did i just said that? faint.) i thought you feel the same way too but i was wrong. hmm.. just don't say anything cause im so broken up now. hahas. so yeh. i will tryyy very hard to ...

urghhhh... wtf am i doin. i think im just make fun of myself in my own blog! damnit!
oh god. i feel so pain. why you give me this feeling? i hate this feeling. i really hate it! why why and why? :(


i dunno when and how, the tears roll down again.

Labels: depressed

chapter 126 : blablabla Post
i did.. i did try to post something but the word din come out. and i end up stare at the comp for nothing? sigh. im so pathetic. i know.

i think dis week its emo week for me and my friend. its been days we both emo-ing. why im so gayy? sigh. lets cut it out. im tired for emo. hais.
yesterday. yeh. oh no.. wait. kelmarin kot? think so? yeah. kelmarin tyra text me and she said she wanna come to my house cause she wanna transfer sumthin from my pc to her lappy. so she came at 5 somethin? and guess what she wanna transfer audi into her lappy. LOL.

okay, at 1st we try to use the "blue" cable. lol. tapi x work cause celah bedah mana nak cucuk an? haha. so i called one of my friend and he said use the pendrive. im like "damn! camne leh x terfikir? im so stupid? =.=" . so i ask him hw to do it and all and i wont forget ur word, buddy! he said, "cause u're noob" . damn you! so we try until malam and tengah malam =.=
still not working. sigh.

lucky lil was there and i asked him for help. so i came to tyra's place at 3 in the morning! OH-MY-GOD! and yeh finally her audi works. adeh. so we audi till sian. and have a safe journey to langkawi, tyra :)
do text me when you're free yea? hahaha. gonna miss u for 5 days :(

SRG Asia Pacific. rmb dat company? one of their staff called me today and he said im gonna go training for 2 days at KL Central nex week and after dat have to report at Setapak office. sounds like im accepted for that job? haha. hope so?
chapter 125 : I am trying very hard
yeh. @ 1.30pm, i am trying very hard to awake to listen all your nag and your negative thoughts. i had enough. i cant stand and the tears roll down. sigh. its been long time i din cry. try to recall but i cant. and thanks for ruin my sleep, dear. came to my place without telling me. make it habit, baby. surprise me more. i just love it! =.=

im tired and sleepy. the whole day, i cant stop yawn-ing. tyra came to my house and we had tok, tok and tok. but still we're bored to death =.=
i got nothing to do so i went audi. sigh. audi still cant cheer me up. idk what is wrong with me. maybe im too tired so no mood to do anything? today is soooo not me. hais.

oh gosh. i dun even have energy to press! i wanna sleep but i just cant. and maybe im waiting for you?
I HATE MONDAY. maybe that is one of the reason i feel so down, weak and boring? i hate you Mr.Monday
go awayyyy..


chapter 124 : Syaf's birthday party.

i love the cake cause its pink! hahas. the party started a bit late. maybe technical problem? lols. i reach there around 8.45pm and the party started at 9.30pm.
so, mylia jadi host. u did a great job babe. even ada prob ? lols :D

since alot of "kids". LOL. i just slack with tyra and ariff. phew. lucky ada org jgk la nak borak. haha. nothing much la. all the pakcik pakcik and makcik makcik, karaoke la. den amirul ada perform with atikah. nice performance btw even i can see u guys like nervous? haha. the girls, okay la. not bad (:
waa judge org plak aku ni. hahaha.

so we talkin and snap some photos. so yeh. and ariff be the photographer as usual. haha.
in the end, we had fun jgk. lol. photography session a bit funny and i think i enjoyed it. haha.
to tyra : nanti tunggu aku nye 21 bday party =p

Labels: birthday

chapter 123 : So painful.
OH-MY-GOD!
i decided to go bed but i dunno why suddenly i wanna see his blog? well at first, since dis morning i wanna go read it but i think maybe he wont update anything since he gonna go for a long journey?

and i found dis.
"i realy disapointed..fuck off"

ouch. suddenly it stab my heart and i feel so hurt? like.. oh my. i think im gonna fallin down.

...............
chapter 122 : My heart hurts

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you,
And maybe two is better than one,
But there's so much time, to figure out the best in my life..

my heart hurts. alot. someone please fix it? or shooo d pain away? i wish i could just put a plaster on it so that my heart wont hurt again? sigh.
seriously, im desperate for a love. omg. did i just said that? omg omg. did i? faint. but it's true actually. i think im dying for it! haha. dis is gay. oh gayyyyyyyy ~

MOVE ON, farah. gogo =.=

Labels: sad

chapter 121 : Emo-ing Part 2
i changed my layout. so yeh no worries, ur pc x rosak and x cacat cause i just changed my layout pagi tadi. haha.
i changed it to white color cause right now im so emo. emo bukan black color ke? haha. or something like dark to do with it? but mine is suci. perfect! so dia turn to white la. hahaha.
and my sooo called friend ni kan. we got a lil bit conversation before i went mandi. haha.

B : white + pink = cant be you la
F : so black + pink = can be me la? haha.
B : ya. cause white x macam u la.
F : so nak ckp black sesuai dgn i? nak ckp i jahat? haha.
B : maksud i bukan u jahat. ala u paham kan?
F : yea yea. i paham. haha -.-

yeh. sumthin cmtu la convo nye. haha. hampeh gila -.- biala nak jadi angel skit? hahaha. u just jealous. =p
at this moment i dun wanna revert to the old template cause i still in emo condition. LOL. so yeh. cheer me up, people! woots :D
lately, im trying to get myself happy. im trying to be happy! but i think i just pretending to be happy all the time? :(

i try to make new friends in myspace. try to talk more more and more? try to laugh my ass off? try to do funny and random stuff? yeh =.=
but still im not happy. omg. what happen to me? am i dead? or the feeling already dead?

and yeh people, im addicted to "Two is better than one". Today, i hear dat song more den 50 times. i heart it over over and over again. it's a nice song btw (: agak calm when listen to it. LOL.
and d lyrics is nicee too!
me and ariff had fight the whole day. sigh. small matter je. tp bila da besa dan besa. bertambah besa dan meriah la -.-

my sis told me, just ignore him. aha. i wish i could but its not that easy cause we have been together almost 5 years. its like.. we share everything. we had fun together. but sad. why we turn into this? sigh.
i wish i can runaway from this mess. save me before i get over you :(

Labels: emo-ing

chapter 120 : im happy. abit?
i woke up at 5pm. wahahaha!
thanks to dis sleeping mask. since i bought it, makin lambat plak bangun. hahaha.
maybe cause when i open my eyes, all i can see is DARK AND EMPTY.
so yeah, i bangun and tido balik. LOL!

nothing much today. woke up then bathe. went to mont kiara, mont kiara to shell, shell to sentul, sentul to pasa malam. hahaha. went to pasar malam with sister. beli yong. haha.
i wonder who create dat word "yong" LOL. so yeh. afta makan makan, online and now im facing the monitor and typing.

im thinking what dress im gonna wear for this sunday event. the theme is royalty. so yeah i will become Princess Farah? ROFL. and who is gonna be my prince? =p
looks like my dream will come true to be a princess? lol. even for 1 day? haha. nak jadi cam cinderella la. @12am, tertinggal plak kasut an? hahaha. drama drama. haha -.-

i got a dream. beautiful dream tadi. i dream about edward cullen? haha. and byk mimpi jgk la cause byk kali terjaga. lol. oh maybe i will do my lic soon? xD

Labels: happy

chapter 119 : Let me live in my own way.

HELL YEAH! 100% fucking agree -.-
I DUN GIVE A shit WHAT OTHERS THINK BOUT ME!
cause why?
I DUN REALLY BOTHER BOUT THEM!

ITS MY LIFE! AND I KNOW...
WHATEVER I DO, I STILL LOOK PRETTY. woots =p
chapter 118 : I said, GO AWAY!

Labels: annoyed

chapter 117 : Looking for you.

Labels: emo-ing

chapter 116 : Welcome to the club.

Labels: birthday

chapter 115 : Updated
i woke up at 4.30pm -.-
im so sleepy. really. so exhausted. apa yg exhausted tatau la. haha.
i take my phone and dial his number. he pick up the phone and i said
"by.. by! byyyyyy!"
im like WTF. my voice din come out! OMG OMG OMG! dlm hati cam omg i da bisu ke? -.-
den batuk-batuk skit. so da kua la an suara tu? hahaha. gila cuak. haha -.-

last few weeks leya ask my help to check her result for poly januari intake.
so yeh. she dapat. gratz, sayang. suddenly i rs nak check la. kot kot i dpt ke? haha.
and lucky me, i dapat. tekejut beruk jgk la. cam x caye an? blh plak time tu nak check font size dia kecik gilaaaa? lagi la x meyakinkan beta an? hahaha. dengan kebijaksanaan beta, beta pn copy n paste la statement tu. sah! ku yakin! PERMOHONAN ANDA BERJAYA. yeah babyyy! woots :D

so, kecoh la satu rumah i dapat Politeknik Ungku Omar, Ipoh, Perak. FAINT! course Diploma Teknologi Maklumat (Pengaturcaraan) IT la kan? information technology? hmm.. mmg x minat course tu. dengan keadaan skrg, IT da down la babe. haha. zmn dlu2 blh la time nak membangun. ckp cam skrg msia x membangun plak an? lol -.-
yg nightmare nye. smpi bwk mimpi, takut nak pakai tudung. hahaha. oh please la. that's so not me! tudung pn xda apatah lagi baju alim2 an? faint. hot shower xda. adeh. poly ni cam nak ku reject je. hahaha. rs 50/50 jgk la nak masuk. tp anta jela. dtg x dtg blkg cite (:

fyi : i quit my job at legend. ni utk sesiapa yg tatau la. rsnya rmai tatau an? haha. out dated la korg -.- lol
so yeah, smlm went for an interview dkt SRG Asia Pacific, KL Sentral. okay la. abit nervous. beterabo jgk la nak ckp an. haha. but still can control. afta dat drop dkt legend skjap cause nak kemas locker and yeh teserempak dgn naemah. so hug hug kiss kiss sume. LOL. went to McD for lunch and ate Prosperity burger. sbnrnya i nak curly fries dia je -.- x hadap sgt prosperity dia tu. LOL. so skrg ni, xda keje duduk umah jela. and anta resume byk2 kat memane yg vacant. besnya goyang kaki. hahaha. duit pun makin kua je. sigh.

post arini cam panjang semcm je? an an? haha. mood nak blogging tu ada plak. heee xD
around 5.30am fana text me. 1st thing i reply "sembahyang subuh ke?" hahaha. agak shock la she text me around 5? lol. xpena2. plus kitorg pn da lama x contact. quite long jgk la. miss her (:
she pn dpt poly ipoh tu jgk. what a coincidence. haha. but at the same time im waiting feedback from uitm (:

oh btw, im period -.-
so people, watch ur word! or else i become ur nightmare =p tau takut an? hahaha -.-

Labels: calm

chapter 114 : Dots


chapter 113 : Quotes

chapter 112 : It is true.

chapter 111 : Dear prince, can you do all this for me?


` -Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything

` -DON’T let her have the last word

` -DON’T call her hot, But Gorgeous or beautiful is soo much better

` - Say you love her more than she could ever love you

` - Argue that she is the best girl ever

` - When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go

` - When she says she’s ok don’t believe it, talk with her

` - becau​se 10 yrs later she’ll remember you

` - Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

` - Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

` - Treat her like she’s all that matters to you

` - Stay up all night with her when she’s sick

` - Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid

` - Give her the world

` - Let her wear your clothes

` - When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her

` - Let her know she’s important

` - Kiss her in the pouring rain
chapter 110 : New fresh look
i love my new page (:
click for view.
it's simple and sweet just like me. aha =p

i'll update later for more stories :D
chapter 109 : Love your desktop?

As much as I do? LOL You know you do!
If you're anything like me, you are constantly changing your computer wallpaper
looking for the perfect one! I think I change my desktop wallpaper "almost' daily.
It's fun, refreshing and entertaining for me.

And yeh, I made some changes to my desktop.
I got some new stuff on it.
You can see the bottom box there, a new clock and new meter
Click for larger image, people (:

Labels: desktop

chapter 108 : New desktop
it's 6.49am ~
and im still not sleeping.
the parent getting ready to go for jogging.
im still here in front of my pc, editing my desktop -.-

oh, i just love my new desktop! superb! haha.
it's pink! wee xD
click for larger image, people (:
i got nothing to do, so yeah i update my anti virus.
and now my anti virus is updated! finally -.-

alang-alang kan? better update semua. haha.
tmr i have to update my dock's icon.
currently i cannot find it. so later la.
and and i have to find a new theme. im looking for a pink xD

off to bed now.
night, people (:

Labels: desktop

chapter 107 : I'll be your angel.
Just like a shadow
I'll be beside you
I'll be your comfort
And let it guide you home
I will provide you a place of shelter
I want a be your zone
Tell me what to do
Tell me what you wanted me to do
I'll make you great to be a man
With a woman who can stand
Who will never promise to leave her man
Making vows to please her man

If I could be your angel
Your angel, Your angel
Protect you from the pain
I'll keep you safe from danger
You'll never hurt again
I'll be your a.n.g.e.l
I'm gona be your a.n.g.e.l
I'll be your angel

i miss the way we used to be. sigh.
chapter 106 : You bring me the sadness
it's 2nd of December 2009.

day by day..
im getting down, down and down. i don't know who should i turn to? i don't have any friends. family? nahh. they wont understand a teenage girl like me. siblings? we're not close enough. boyfie? i don't think so. urghh.

im confuse with myself. the feeling that im having now. 2 days ago, i got tok with my friend.
he said "you selalu dapat guy macam ni"
agree with u, dude. i hate this feeling. and thanks to him for cooling me down. maybe i should stop. not stop but kurangkan crazy over him. haha.

so yeh. life is getting hard hard and hard. i wonder when issit this thing will end? its December. wow. dat kinda fast? 2010 will come and bye bye 2009. i hate you 2009. so go away fast! SHOOO! i feel like im living in a hell. got alot of complication during this year.

1st thing i will never forget is he cheated on me. YEH. i found out a few months ago? in April. yeh. 12 April 2009. i give u d exactly date. hahas. i begging him like hell for not leaving me. and im suffer for 3 months. within 3 months, i almost take negative thing like drugs and all. but im a gd girl so x amek la. almost actually. but cancel. LOL. i oni take pill tido. to release stress -.-

my fren backstab me. it hurt alot actually. and now no one can be trusted x.x
even my own friend? hais. susah la hidup camni. so yeh. i prefer to be alone right now. oni certain ppl dat i trusted. not all. so for the certain ppl, you guys lucky, okay? haha.

and currently im living in my own world. only god knows which world it is. haha. and YOU =p
im happy! i never felt like this before until you create the world for me :) you give me the happiness. you bring the joy and u show to me i can be happy again. thank you <3

lots of my fren went to uni and college. while im here still working. sigh. i rly dun wanna tok bout dis.
basically, my life full of pain and sadness. thanks to YOU for create this! -.-
well i hope there someone out there will rescue and safe me from this mess. LOL. lately i cant stop berangan. dont ask me why. hahas.

btw guys, bout chad michael murray it is TRUE. face the fact people xD

Labels: life

chapter 105 : Why im so obsessed with you?
couple on 1st December 2009.
and counting :)

currently im in love with CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY :)
he propose me last night. so yeh im super duper crazy in love with him xD
i know he loves me too! i knew it!
so i din bertepuk sebelah tangan kan? HAHA
HE'S HOT. LIKE SUPER HOT?
you're my man =p

he says : When they asked me what I loved most about life, I smiled and said you.

OH-MY-GOD!
he so sweet and very caring! he so PERFECT!
i think i already found my perfect guy =p
guys, dont jealous. now he already MINE! haha.
last night we hangout together and he bought me flower and chocolates.
he so romantic and i like it =p

we took picture together alot!
sadly, i haven receive d picture yet from him.
but im waiting fr him on msn msn =p

i just cant forget how he hug and kiss me.
i feel like the world is MINE. haha.
u give me butterflies, baby =p
i just cant wait to see you again!