How I feel, read my lips.

chapter 279 : I wish I could keep you in my pocket.

2010-10-14T22:17:00.005+08:00

I FUCKING LOVE YOU !
You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about. You got me love sick. I can conquer the world with one hand as long as you are holding the other. We will make everything wrong in the right way. You make the world beautiful. I wanna grow old with you. You are my other half. The way you make me feel, feels good to me. You make me want to love again. The sound of your voice brings a smile to my face. F is for falling for you.
And when you call me baby. Lastly, you pierce my soul.

chapter 278 : You, me. Happiness.

2010-10-12T20:57:00.002+08:00

click for larger image (:

Current desktop (:
Oh, I'm so addicted to Audrey Hepburn right now. Heee. Sayang, nanti kita snap picture together alright? Then I will replace Audrey Hepburn to Farhan and Farah's picture. Hahaha. Uh, it's been awhile I tak update blog. I'm really sorry for that. It's not that I tak nak update.. Just.. I'm too busy with my new baby. LOL. Nahh. I malas nak update sebenarnya -_-

So.. What's new? Well, nothing much. Just.. Life is getting so much better! Yeahh. And guess what? I'm happy! :DD Missing sayang like alot? Fucking alot! And last night, I had a conversation with Dee and she agak surprise kot cause I'm into err.. a long distance relationship? HAHAHA. Farah in a long distance relationship? Like wow. Seriously? LOLOL. Yeahh. Believe it, bitch :P
Alhamdulillah, everything is okay. Like so perfect. For now. Yeahh. Well, I hope forever la.

p.s : I'm smiling from ear to ear right now :DD

chapter 277 : Another october baby!

2010-10-10T21:58:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DANISH ADAM ♥

7 years old.
I love you, kiddo!

chapter 276 : October baby!

2010-10-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISTAH ♥

Semoga panjang umur dan
dimurahkan rezeki selalu.
Biar senang sikit nak belanja aku nextime kan? HAHAHA.

chapter 275 : 10 Things ..

2010-09-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

Whatever u give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give u a baby. Give her a house, she will give u a home. Give her groceries, she will give u a meal. Give her a smile n she will give u her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if u give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

Sometimes in along term relationship men forget how to really appreciate their women. They stray away from all the things they use to do for her when they were younger and eventually some forget. Well, these top ten things will help you remember so you could show your appreciating and she'll show you hers. Love is a give and return thing, if you're not giving something she won't return anything.

10. Cooking
There a saying cooking a meal leads to man heart, the same goes for a woman. Cooking a meal for your woman is one of the sweetest things a man can do. Pick a meal you know that is simply for you and elegant. For instance, spaghetti; it's not that much work into it and not really hard. You could buy the sauce and heat it up and you'll have yourself a little romantic dish.

9. Watch what she wants to watch
Television to men is a sacred thing but sometimes let go of the remote. Watch her "woman" show like Oprah or Dr. Phil. You might not like it because it's a "woman" show but if you continue to watch you may enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with what she wants to watch it's just not your preference; just like basketball or cartoons aren't her but sometimes she sucks it up and watch with you.

8. Give her random massage
A woman likes nothing more than spontaneous action. So to surprise her with the smoothness and tenderness of your will blow her mind. Just let her relax while you place your hands on your body and it wouldn't hurt if you use some oil.

7. Tell her she's beautiful
Tell her she's beautiful not sexy. Beautiful and sexy is two different things. A beautiful person has nice facial appearance and nice feature while a sexy person only has nice feature. There is no harm with calling her sexy but men us sexy more than beautiful.

6. Talk nice about her friends
Talking nice about your woman friends is a strong point. I'm not saying talk about their friends' appearance traits but the "inner" traits. Even if her best friend a total bitch you should be able to pinpoint one good trait about that friend. There is nothing closer than friends so why would you talk bad about that?

5. Hold her hand
Holding hands is a bonding experience between two people. Be a gentleman and hold your lady hand. Holding her hand especially in public shows her you're serious. It's a small step but it's still a step. Think about it like this men are always lurking for a woman and you have to show them back off because that my woman and one way to do that is by holding her hand.

4. Don't act too macho in public
A man loves to act macho around other people but sometimes it's a little bit too much. There is a tender side to you and there is no problem showing a little bit. If your friends joke on you because of this just remember which of them have relationship and which one is totally happy with their woman.

3. Let her be right
When arguing you screams and screams. Sometimes just let it go and simply apologize. You may be wrong or right but it doesn't matter. An argument is not about proving whose right and who's wrong; an argument about acknowledging your mistake in the problem and resolving it. If you admit before you get deep in the argument you should be fine.

2. Spontaneous date
Women love spontaneous action. Surprise her with flowers and candy/chocolate is not a bad thing at all. Tell her you're going to wait in the living room till she's ready and don't tell her where you're taking her; Just be "Mr. Mystery" tonight. Just remember if you going to surprise her just bring some flower don't just show up, she might think it's not the first stop you been at.

1. Walk in the park
Since old times a stroll in the park is the easiest way to make a girl smile. Do you know why? It's because no matter how much people in the park it's like just the two of you strolling along just have good conversation. Yes, just make sure you prepare to talk when strolling in the park. Get to know her and she'll get to know you.This is just a few ways to show you appreciate your woman. There are many more way just be creative. Use your instinct and think with your heart. This is just a simple basic method you may use if you feel lost. Woo her off her feet and show her your appreciation.

Source : Nadira Z.

chapter 274 : Best friend forever.

2010-09-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

Awww. I miss the good times :(

Graduation Day di sebelah. I rindu masa kita kelam kabut nak beratur cause kita tak datang pada waktu rehearsal. I rindu time Wida kelam kabut pinjam kasut Naemah cause she tak ada kasut nak pakai. LOL. Kelakar. I rindu time kita lepak sama-sama kat bawah pokok dan duduk di tempat biasa dekat meja warna putih. Walaupun meja putih tu senget, kita still duduk kat meja tu. Walaupun meja tu selalu kena cahaya matahari, kita duduk jugak. Eh, I rasa macam I pernah jatuh kerusi kan dulu? WAHAHAHA. Lame -__-

I rinduuuuu! Dulu kita selalu kena rotan dengan cikgu. Cikgu ingat kita yang conteng tandas tu padahal budak-budak jahat tu yang kenakan kita. Tak pasal-pasal kita kena rotan. I ingat lagi, masa form4, I kena rotan dengan cikgu gemuk tu. Tak ingat pulak nama dia. Dia ingat I yang gaduh, padahal tak. Bodoh punya cikgu. Geram pulak rasa. LOL. Sejak dari situ, asyik kena rotan je :(
And and I ingat lagi, Leya kena pakai telekung. WAHAHAHA! Sebab tudung dia pendek ala-ala tak serupa tudung gitu. Lepas tu, dia kena tawaf satu sekolah dengan telekung tu. LOLOL. Sumpah kelakar. Macam baru balik haji. HAHAHA!

Teringat dulu, guru kelas tak bagi I kawan dengan Leya. Dia kata, sebab Leya, I jadi nakal macam ni. Dia kata I salah pilih kawan? Ye ke? Cikgu tipu. I tak percaya! Dulu, kita tak kawan dengan Sheera. Kita jahanamkan beg sekolah dia. And and I ingat lagi. Kita jual handphone dia. Hahaha! Lepas tu kita share-share duit hasil jualan. Best kan? Lepas tu, kita hampir nak bakar beg sekolah Sheera tapi tak jadi cause budak-budak kampung tu dah report cikgu disiplin :(
Semua harta benda dalam kelas, I dengan kawan-kawan rosakkan. Sebab sakit hati dan bengang dengan budak-budak kampung tu, semua buku-buku, meja, kerusi, harta benda mereka, kami rosakkan. I ingat lagi, Leya ludah kat atas meja diorang. Hahaha! And I tuangkan air soya bean atas meja diorang. Pastu mereka mengadu, meja mereka melekit-lekit. LOLOL! Heaven kan? :D

You guys, you guys ingat lagi tak waktu kita pergi genting? Kita tukar baju dalam cable car? LOLOL! Kelam kabut punya pasal, tukar baju dalam cable car pun jadi lah. And and kita ponteng sekolah, pergi genting and at the same time, sebab birthday I kan? (: Best sangat! Cikgu-cikgu semua tak suka dekat kita. Mereka ingat kita jahat. Padahal kita baik. Kita tak kacau mereka pun unless mereka cari pasal dengan kita dulu. Kan kawan-kawan? LOL. Rindu nyaa. I rindu waktu amali dengan cikgu Narimah. Cikgu Narimah baik. I rasa sedih sangat bila kita buat cikgu Narimah kecewa. Dia kecewa bila kita tak masuk kelas dia. Dia merajuk. Cikgu Narimah memahami and Cikgu Nina pun. Mereka tahu, kami tak jahat. Cuma nakal sedikit. Je. LOL.

Sekarang, Leya study dekat KPJ and kena gantung buat masa ni. LOLOL! Wida pulak, masih bekerja di Legend Hotel. Naemah, membawa diri ke India. Kononnya nak berubat. Eww. And I? I masih di sini and I'm happy with my new life :D
Well, even kami tak saling berjumpa seperti dulu pada waktu sekolah. Kami still contact each other kan kan? I'm so proud to be one of them. BFF ♥ Amin ~

chapter 273 : He's the one.

2010-09-19T22:39:00.005+08:00

To be continued ... (:

chapter 272 : Who? Me? Oh. Hi !

2010-08-24T23:33:00.004+08:00

I should post this like one or two or three months ago I guess? But whatever. This is my blog so who cares?

"You take my Nashriq.. ! ;("

Okay, I found this in my inbox. She sent this like 3 months ago? and I was like, wow? Really make me go WOW! Hahaha. 3 months agoo. Hmm. Okay. 3 months ago ek? Oh, okay. Haha. I wonder who sent this. LOL. But bak kata Kamil, "You tak payah nak kusut-kusut". But whatever.

To this girl/boy ;

Seriously, I never take your boy. He used to be mine but not anymore. By the way, he is not worth it. At all. Trust me (:

KARMA is soo gonna chase you down, sweetheart :D

chapter 271 : I carry smile when I'm broken in two.

2010-08-23T21:26:00.000+08:00

"You jangan curang, k? You milik I, k!"

Thanks to Alia. Dia yang mengingatkan I pada ayat ni. Kalau I boleh bagi middle finger dekat depan dia, memang dah lama I bagi. Kalau boleh nak bagi dua-dua tangan boleh?. Belah kanan satu, belah kiri satu sambil berkata "Fuck you!". Terkenang kembali. Sambil I buat kerja, I dapat text daripada dia and ayat dia berbunyi macam ayat di atas ni. And I was like "HOHO! Look who is talking now? I jiwang or dia yang jiwang ni babe?" sambil tunjuk kepada Alia. Konon-kononnya, dalam hati ada bunga lah pada waktu tu. Senyum sampai ke telinga. Eh, come on la. Siapa yang tak suka kalau kekasih hati dia cakap begitu pada pasangannya? LOL. Sure kaum hawa akan berasa seperti terbang di awang-awangan. Hahaha. Indah. Ya. Indah. Itu dulu ya. Tidak lagi sekarang.

Sambil makan rojak ayam di dalam kereta. Oh. Pengalaman yang tidak akan I lupakan. Kenangan. Teramat sangat, okay? Sambil makan rojak ayam, boleh pulak kitorang mengumpat. Oops. Salah. Bukan mengumpat tapi kutuk. Itu je. Tak salah bukan? I rasa dah jadi topik perbualan kitorang hari-hari mengutuk si dia. Menyesal tak sudah sampai sekarang. I terlalu bodoh kerana tidak ikutkan kata hati. Membuat keputusan melulu tanpa fikirkan risiko yang bakal I hadapi. Padahal, hati I masa tu, dah memberi signal lampu merah tapi.. Farah Idris. Memang sangat degil. Itu tak boleh dinafikan lagi. Berulang kali I ulangi ayat ni, "I menyesal teramat sangat..". Orang lain kata, "I tak pernah menyesal sayang dia sebab I akan terus meyayangi dia sekarang hingga ke akhir waktu". Aahh. Kau bodoh! Bodoh sebab diri kau dah dibutakan dengan kata-kata manis dia -_-

"Seriously, dia memang chicken. Coward. Penakut. Bukan lelaki sejati. Budak-budak cause dia buat you macam ni. Dia memang tak tahu malu. Perangai dia memang macam.. lancau lah"

"I ada cakap dekat you. Kita tengok je awal 3 bulan ni perangai dia macam mana. Kalau okay, kita tengok lagi 3 bulan tapi you sebelum reach 3 bulan pun you dah sedih-sedih macam ni. Nasib baik you guys tak lama. Kalau lagi lama tak tahu you macam mana. Maybe lagi teruk"

"I rasa selama ni, memang dia tak pernah wujud pun. Dia ada ke, tak ada ke, sama je. Last-last orang lain yang layan you, care about you. "

Semenjak dua menjak ni handphone I suka sangat buat hal. Hmm. I think I should get a new one. Yeahh. So, Farah. Apa lagi. Dah tak reti-reti nak simpan duit beli handphone baru? LOL. Since handphone I cepat sangat meragam, I dah mula jaga dia dengan baik. Alia kata, kalau kita cakap kita nak beli suatu yang baru, barang yang lama akan merajuk. I rasa handphone I merajuk dengan I la kot? Sampai I nak text orang lain pun payah sangat. Huruf tak mahu keluar? LOL. Yeah. I jaga dia dengan baik. I sayang dia, letak dia di tempat yang selamat dan sentiasa beri dia "makan". I memang sangat malas nak delete message dalam inbox. Buat masa sekarang ni, I ada 3k msgs dalam inbox. Sent items pulak ada dalam 700. Haha. Every morning I akan delete message dia sikit demi sikit. Bukannya sayang tetapi handphone I cepat meragam la. Nak delete pun mengambil waktu dalam 15mins? Bayangkanlah. Oh no! :(

Tiap-tiap pagi jugak lah, semua perkataan akan keluar. Cause agak menyakitkan hati. Pagi-pagi dah mencarut kan? Bagus. Thumbs up! (Y)

*away for 5 minutes

Something happened. Ugh. Shit. Congratulations. You just spoil my mood. Thumbs up for you! (Y)
I'm out from here.

chapter 270 : Go ahead just leave, can't hold you, you're free

2010-08-18T20:04:00.003+08:00

What did I do but give love to you?
I'm just confused as I stand here and look at you
You think that you know, you've made yourself COLD
I'd give it all up but I'M TAKIN' BACK MY LOVE
I'VE GIVEN YOU TOO MUCH but I'm takin' back my love

Used to be my favorite song. And I guess this is the right time untuk I guna lagu ni? Jam ditangan menunjukkan 7.02pm. Oh shit! Buka dalam train lagi la nampaknya? I hanya mampu menghela nafas dengan panjang. Perjalanan masih jauh and fikiran pun dah merewang entah kemana. Suddenly, I terflash back.

Last saturday, I pergi OU dengan Alia. Kononnya "girls day out" untuk celebrate kerunsingan di hati. Masalah kitorang sama je. Satu ; boyfriend. Oops. Boyfriend? No. No. No. I rasa hari sabtu yang lepas I more to celebrate yang I ni dah single? Hahaha. Around 9 something, I agak rush keluar from OU and I terserempak dengan ..... Eh, macam kenal minah ni. Maklumlah, I tak berapa nampak since I ni bermata empat kan? But seriously, I rasa macam I kenal. "Durrah?" LOL. Gila lama tak nampak kau. What a surprise ! (:

Durrah : Kau datang sini dengan siapa? Scandal kau ke?
Me : Huh? Tak adala. Aku keluar dengan kawan aku. Dia baru je gerak. Aku pun dah nak balik ni.
Durrah : Eh, kau apa cite sekarang? By the way, bagi phone number kau.
Me : 017- *******. Miss call handphone aku.
Durrah : Kau dah break dengan boyfriend kau kan? Ouchh!
Me : Err. Mana kau tahu? O.O
Durrah : Aku baca blog kau lah.
Me : *Ooh, ingatkan tak ada sapa yang baca blog aku. Tak expect langsung* Err. Yeah. Dah break.
Durrah : Sabarlah, okay?

Ye. Sabar. Sabar. Itulah yang sedang I lakukan sekarang ni. Sabar. Sabar dengan apa yang terjadi. Sabar. Yes, Farah. Sabar. One day, karma will kick his ass! What goes around comes around. Hari ni sangatlah mengantuk dekat office. Tak tahulah kenapa and nak buat kerja pun macam malas. Busy pun tidak. Cuma.. I banyak berfikir. Hmm..

"I tercengang bila you tunjuk dekat I. Kita mati-mati fikir positive dekat dia tapi.. Kejam gila. Sanggup dia buat you macam tu. I pulak yang rasa sakit hati. Frustrated. You guys masih baru lagi. But why? You and I backup dia gila-gila tapi.. Betul apa yang kawan-kawan you cakap"

I hanya mampu diam bila Alia cakap macam tu. Speechless. Apa yang I rasa selama ni betul lah. Cuma I je buta. Menidakkan kata-kata mereka. Betul kata Shasha, I masih tak nampak. Masih samar-samar. Kononnya masih mengharapkan ada cahaya dalam hubungan tu.

"I ada bagitahu you awal-awal kan? I ada cakap, I tak tahu decision yang I buat ni betul ke tak masa I mula-mula dengan dia. I dapat rasa benda ni tak kan pergi ke mana. I tak rasa ia akan kekal lama. And see, this shit happen. Seriously, this is my biggest mistake I ever made"

Menyesal. Itu yang I rasa sekarang ni. I menyesal tak ikut kata hati. Menyesal buat tindakan melulu. Selama ni, instinct I tak pernah salah. Naluri seorang wanita sentiasa betul.

"I rasa.. sunyi. Sangat"

"I tak minta duit or barang yang mahal. All I want is to be loved and their attention but I tak faham. Benda yang I rasa sangat simple yang tidak mengeluarkan duit satu sen pun atau peluh tapi sangat susah untuk I dapat. I rasa benda tu FREE je kot?"

Alia always be there for me. And I know that I'm not alone. Kawan-kawan I sentiasa ada untuk memberi semangat. Twice I ditipu and twice jugak they left me hanging. I mengeluh panjang.

"I nak buat you happy. I promise I akan bahagiakan you. I takkan buat seperti mana yang diorang buat. I nak jaga you. I tak sanggup nak tengok you sedih-sedih lagi. Cukuplah untuk kali ni. And please.. Gimme chance. Let me be your everything."

Janji. Mereka berjanji lagi. Tak penat ke mereka berjanji? I pun tak tahu ni janji yang ke berapa kali entah mereka lafazkan pada I. Senangnya mereka berjanji. Seolah-olah janji tu ZERO! Itu jugak lah yang dilafazkan oleh dia when hes trying to get me. Kononnya, tak semua lelaki sama. Yes. Memang. I admit. Tak semua lelaki sama TETAPI 98% sama. Another 2%, I tak tahulah hilang ke mana. Maybe tersembunyi di dalam cengkerang? I don't know? Maybe? Or they already taken? Only god knows. Bila I dengar janji-janji macam tu, I rasa meluat. Menyampah. I rasa macam nak tampar pun ada. Cause I dah penat nak dengar. End up nya, I jugak yang kecewa. Bukannya I tak nak terima sesiapa pada waktu ini, just.. Tolonglah propose dengan cara lain. What I mean is tak payahlah berjanji kalau you rasa you tak mampu nak tunaikan. Kononnya, nak sehidup semati. Fuck! Kononnya, nak buat I happy. Fuck! Kononnya, I love you, you love me. BULLSHIT! -__-

Bunyi macam lebih kepada give up? Nope. Not really. Maybe a bit. Kot? Tapi syukurlah. Dia di atas dah tunjuk dekat I apa yang I nantikan selama ni. Tak sia-sia I berdoa and mengadu pada-Nya. Advice from Azwa sangat membukakan mata I. Tiba-tiba hari tu dia macam berdakwah dekat I. Hahaha. Thumbs up! (Y)

chapter 269 : Sampai Bila?

2010-08-09T23:26:00.003+08:00

"I'm sorry for ditching you. Aku tengok ko selalu emo je. And I feel bad cause I'm not there when you want to share stories or anything :("

Keadaan agak sesak pada waktu tu. And at the same time I tengah SMS dengan Alia. Bila dengar ringtone SMS berbunyi, I cepat-cepat keluarkan phone dari handbag warna orange tu. Pada waktu tu macam "Eh, kenapa tetiba SMS ni?". Yes, SMS daripada Tyra setelah sekian lama dia meminggirkan diri dia daripada I. Itulah pandangan yang I bagi bila I dapat SMS daripada dia. Macam terkejut. Pelik dan motif? Bila I baca SMS tu, air mata dah keluar dah. Memang dah keluar tapi cepat-cepat cover memandangkan I sedang berada di luar. Pergi PC fair buat kali ke-dua. Kali ni, I nekad memang nak beli mouse baru. Tak tahulah. Tiba-tiba hati ni rasa macam tersentuh bila dapat SMS mcm tu. Kata-kata dia macam bawak meaning dalam gila kat hati ni? Yes. Memang I tengah down sekarang ni. Down yang teramat lah sangat. Emo yang melampau. Moody yang sangat-sangat. Entahlah. Masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga apa yang dia cakap dekat I malam tadi. Shit!

"I miss you"

Seolah-olah baru semalam je. Bila I tengok balik calendar dekat telefon yang nazak ni, I was like "Ek elen. Baru je jumpa last friday. Chill la Farah. Orang lain bercinta jugak". Ye. Betul. Tapi.. Maaflah. I ni tamak orangnya. Sekejap memang tak cukup untuk melepaskan rindu. Tapi I pujuk hati ni. "Tak apalah. Orang kata, jumpa sekejap pun dah kira bagus daripada tak jumpa langsung". So, adakah anda setuju dengan statement I tu? If yes, do drop your comment ya. Thank you. Okay, back to the story. Lately ni, lagu "Love the way you lie" by Eminem feat Rihanna sering menemani I. And I tak jemu pun dengar lagu tu. Seolah-olah lagu tu sangat sesuai kot dengan mood I sekarang ni? Semalam, emosi sangat terganggu. Air mata pulak macam senang sangat nak jatuh pada saat-saat ni. Shit! Kenapa emo sangat ni?

"Kau pahal? Kurang kasih sayang?"

You. Agak kasar soalan u tu. Tapi I jawabkan jugak. Yes. Kurang. So? Kenapa? Apa masalah kau? Biar I betulkan sikit. Bukan kurang kasih sayang tetapi kurang perhatian. Kan sedap ayat tu. Sampai sekarang I takkan lupa dengan perkataan ni, "Pressure". Yes. Siapa pressure siapa ya? You ke? I ke? Orang belakang rumah ke? Depan rumah ke? Entahlah. Bak kata Nabil, "Lu fikirlah sendiri?". I agree dengan Dian. Oh Dian. Dia seorang blogger yang sangat I gemari. I suka baca blog dia. Sangat-sangat suka. Plus, dia cantik tau. Before I tengok picture dia lagi, dengan baca blog dia je, I dah boleh agak "Dia ni mesti cantik". Ha see. Kan betul tekaan I selama ni. Ayat dia macam ni,

"Bila ada depan mata tak nak hargai, bila dah tak ada nanti..barulah nak tercari-cari"

dan

Selalunya yang ada depan mata kita tak pandang. Sebab nak sangat mengenal yang jauh. Bila yang depan mata dah hilang, dan yang jauh semakin jauh..baru tahu rasa kesal.

I sangat-sangat sokong dengan kata-kata you. Memang betul. You setuju tak? If yes, jangan lupa drop comment ya? Thanks. Oh, one more thing. I nak minta maaf sangat dekat Fiqa Ahmad. Yes. I'm really sorry ignore you punya text. Bukan nya apa. I sendiri pun tengah serabut apatah lagi dengan masalah orang lain kan? Ketika ini lah, I rasa sangat-sangat memerlukan Dia di atas. Dengan Dia lah, I mengadu. Dekat Dia jugaklah I menangis. I tak tahu dengan siapa lagi I nak bercerita. Hanya Dia yang tahu apa yang I rasa and apa yang I lalui sekarang ni. Ya. Mungkin ini cuma small matter kata orang putih kan. Small the pieces? Oh sangat kampung! Sekarang ini I hanya mampu berserah dan bertawakal. Sememangnya, I sangat lemah. I tak kuat nak lalui semua ni. I mengaku, I tak kuat nak face semua ini walaupun perkara ni sangat remeh. Tapi, mana hak I? Oh, I tak nak lah bercakap soal hak. Nanti timbul benda lain pulak. Okay, saya seorang girlfriend yang menunggu boyfriendnya yang macam nak tunggu durian jatuh dari pokok. Yupp. I ibaratkan macam tu.

I tak tahu apa lagi yang tinggal. Segala barang telah dipulangkan. Cuma yang ada dekat I, pemberian hadiah daripadanya. Itu je lah. Kalau dulu, ada sebuah kotak I letak depan almari. Tiap-tiap hari I tengok. Bila lah nak pulangkan balik pada tuan punya badan. Bila dah pulangkan. Rasa macam.. Semua tentang dia.. Dah hilang. Apatah lagi sejak kena "remove" ni. Apa lagi lah yang tinggal? Kenangan? Memang I selalu terkenang kembali. Itu tak payah cakap la kan. Bila I bayangkan balik, tergelak sorang-sorang pun ada and ada jugak butterflies datang kat tummy ni. Macam geli-geli sikit. Tapi perasaan tu sangat best cause dia sangat istimewa. Bila orang tanya "Mengapa?". Oh please lah. Tolonglah jangan tanya. I sangat senang nak menitiskan air mata bila mengenangkannya. Padahal soalan orang tu macam sangat simple? Tapi mampu untuk menjatuhkan air mata. Fuck gila kan? Haha. Hati saya sangat fragile. Oh, tiba-tiba I teringat satu ayat ni, "I knew. It's fragile". Remember? SMS tu masih ada lagi dalam inbox. Kadang-kadang bila rindu, I scroll up balik SMS yang I terima dulu. Bila baca, rasa macam.. "Heaven sangat time ni". Bila I boleh rasa macam tu balik? I rindu saat-saat tu. Hmm..

Dengan apa yang terjadi sekarang ni, trauma kembali. Semalam pergi ke Sepang Goldcoast. Tengok pantai. Sangat mendamaikan. Rasa macam semua masalah di dalam kepala ni, hilang seketika pabila mendengar deruan ombak. Sangat.. Sangat menenangkan jiwa yang serabut ni. Kawan I pernah cakap, "You stuck kat KL ni lama sangat dah. You kena keluar daripada KL. Jumpa orang luar. Learn their culture blablabla." Ye. Ye. Bunyi macam I kena gi holiday ye? You bayar semuanya boleh? Then baru I pergi. I setuju. I rasa I memerlukan holiday. Yes, I need a break. Not a heartbreak. Blues pulak malam-malam ni kan? Hmm. Rindu.

p/s : Welcome back, Kamil (:

chapter 268 : Every atom of me missed him

2010-07-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

4.45pm : Pages dah nak siap. Alhamdulillah. So, today boleh balik awal (:

5.00pm : First page pun dah nak siap. So, boleh gerak balik around 5.15pm (:

A few minutes later ...

"Oh, okay. So, tak apa lah" *hang up the phone without saying goodbye*

Oh, shit! Why suddenly turun ni? Fak! Where is my tissue? Damnit! Ugh. Please please please. Jangan turun lagi. Ughh. Okay, I really have to go to toilet.

"Hey, why are you crying? are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm okay. Don't worry. Tadi, I don't know. I main dengan pen and kena mata. So yeah. See ya tomorrow. Bye"

Shit! Ketara sangat ke? Boleh pulak kan time ni dia nak jatuh? Seriously, I dah tahan okay? I really have no idea why dia still jatuh. Sigh :(
Niat nak balik awal terus mati kat situ.

"Hari ni Farah balik naik apa? If nak balik dulu, balik lah"

Yeah. Yeah. Tak apalah kak. Hari ni plan nak balik awal. Nak manja-manja. Tapi tak jadi. So, nak buat pages sampai esok pagi pun tak apa. Saya tak balik pun tak apa. Hati ni tengah sakit. Tak ada mood nak balik awal-awal.

"Hari ni, Farah balik sendiri. Tak apalah. Farah stay dulu. Tak kisah pun"

Masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga apa yang dia cakap tadi. And stop! Tak nak ingat! Fak la :'(
Sambil jalan pulang, still teringat lagi apa yang dia cakap. And dia hampir nak jatuh lagi. Shit! Ni public kot. Tissue pulak dah nak habis. Jangan buat hal la. I lap, still turun. Makin laju. Ugh. Ni yang benci bila TER-flash back ni. And tak faham. Why suddenly sensitive sangat ni?

TER-flash back balik. Ugh. Rindu. Sangat. Fak! Seriously, jangan main dengan perasaan, okay? Jangan layan perasaan tu sangat, okay? Cheer up, Farah. Don't be lame. But I miss him? Okay, here comes the ego. Do whatever you want, okay? Okay, I gagal. Jatuh. Sekali lagi. I'm such a loser.

chapter 267 : No word.

2010-07-13T20:24:00.002+08:00

My heart longs to tell you how I feel towards you. I wish I could tell you just how much you have touched me. Just how much you have taught me. Just how much you’ve made me happy. Just how when you hold me, my body tingles. Just how when you smile at me, it touches my heart in such a way that no one else can ever come close to. Just how the way you love me makes me want to be a better person. Just the way I want nothing more than to be able to hold you everyday of my life, and how that alone would be enough. But, I can’t tell you all these; the way I truly feel them, because there aren’t enough words in this world that can truly explain just how I love you.

chapter 266 : Stress.

2010-06-29T20:52:00.001+08:00

I rasa stress sangat beberapa minggu ni. Entahla. I stress sangat sampai tak tahu nak ungkapkan macam mana. Pada waktu macam ni, I sangat perlukan dia. Cuma.. I tak mampu nak beritahu dekat dia betapa I memang perlukan dia. Hanya Dia yang tahu apa yang terbuku dalam hati I T_T

Tiba-tiba, I teringat ayat ni, "You jiwang". Ugh. I rasa ini dah kali ke-2 I dengar dia kata begitu dan seringkali jugak I tanya pada diri. Jiwang sangat ke I ni? Semalam, sambil on the phone I tutup muka I dengan bantal bila dia cakap macam tu. Ahh. Malunya! Entahla. I tak tahu kenapa I rasa malu. Dengan dia.. Semuanya segan. Apa yang segan sangat tak tahu lah. Kadang-kadang I terfikir apa yang I ungkapkan dengan dia sebelum ni. Jiwang sangat ke ayat I tu? Haha. Sampai membuatkan dia cakap macam tu? At one point I rasa macam "Yelah, I dah tanak jiwang-jiwang lagi dah". Mungkin itu adalah salah satu sebab I tak update blog I kot? T_T

Kalau sesiapa yang perasan atau memang sentiasa mengikuti perkembangan blog I ni, mesti mereka tahu jiwa I ni macam mana. Okay fine la. I admit. I seorang yang jiwang. Yeah. I suka baca love quotes dan baca mana-mana love story. Benda macam tu seolah-olah membuatkan I rasa happy sangat. Benda-benda macam tu memang membuatkan I go "Awww. Sweet!". Kemudian, mula lah I berangan-angan I dengan kekasih hati macam dalam movie. Okaylah. I malas nak continue lagi. Takut ada pulak orang yang termuntah dengan apa yang I cakap ni. Hahaha. I nak pergi mandi dulu. Later I sambung ya :P

chapter 265 : Random post part VI

2010-06-28T20:53:00.000+08:00

"Sebab tu lah I tak nak ada boyfriend handsome-handsome ni. No. No. No. Hahahaha"

Dia berkata sambil memberi signal "No". And I terfikir sekejap. Siapa yang tak nak ada boyfriend handsome? You tell me. Dalam dunia ni, semua perempuan nak boyfriend dia handsome kan? Sedap mata memandang. Bergaya. Pandai. Boleh dikatakan macam prince charming dalam cerita fairy tales tu! Wujud ke? Ahh. I x percaya dalam fairy tales lagi. Shoo. Pergi!

Tiba-tiba emo sebentar. Ada waktu, bila I bosan-bosan I suka tengok hp I. Walaupun tak ada orang yang sudi nak text I kan? Tak mengapa. I dah biasa. Dalam english, "Im used to it". Sampai satu tahap, I dah malas nak guna hp. Campak masuk lombong lagi bagus. Dulu-dulu, tak adalah dulu sangat. Dalam beberapa minggu yang lepas, kononnya malas nak guna hp dah. Lagi-lagi hp I tu dah habis battery. So, bagus sangat la. I pun malas nak charge, charger pulak tah ke mana, so I campak je la hp tu ke tepi. Campak-campak tak tahu pun kat mana dia berada. Tiba-tiba kekasih hati minta I cari hp I balik. Kononnya, tak dapat nak contact I nanti. Wah wah. Bila dia dah cakap macam tu, bunga-bunga la kan? Haha. Mula-mula jual mahal. Malas nak cari hp tapi bila difikirkan balik, I takut nanti I yang menanggung rindu. Hehehe.

I rasa seringkali I ucapkan ayat ni, "Balik nanti I nak update blog la" and I rasa kekasih hati pun mula naik jemu dengar ayat tu? Kononnya nak balik update blog. Last-last I end up online dekat facebook sampai tengah malam. Entah apa yang best dengan facebook, I pun tak tahu. Kadang-kadang I spam status I dekat facebook tu. I tahu.. Mereka mesti cakap macam ni, "Iskk. Farah Idris ni.. Annoying nya. Dengan status gedik dia tu. Dia ingat dia bagus?" Hah. I minta maaf lah. I ni, jenis yang sensitif. I anggap facebook tu macam my second blog dah. Tapi bukan ke dekat situ dia ada tulis "What's on your mind?". So, I tulis je lah. Tak salah kan? Hehehe. Sampaikan jejaka idaman I pun cakap, "Facebook tu dah macam your blog". Sayang, I malas nak update blog. So, facebook adalah satu jalan yang mudah dan pantas untuk I meluahkan perasaan I. Hahaha.

Sekarang ni, I tah ke mana. Nuffnang I pun tah ke mana. I dah malas nak buat blogwalking tengah-tengah malam. I dah malas nak main game tengah-tengah malam. I sendiri tak tahu kenapa. Sekarang ni, tiap-tiap malam I ditemani oleh kekasih hati. Walaupun dia tak berada di sebelah tapi I dapat rasa dia seperti ada dekat je dengan I. I suka perasaan tu, sayang. Terima kasih. I cintakan you. Wahh. Asyik "I love you" je. I nak pulak cakap dalam bahasa. I cintakan you, by (:

chapter 264 : Dear, God.

2010-06-11T22:27:00.003+08:00

God. I am desperate for a solution. I am beyond exasperated and exhausted of waking up and having to continue with this depression. Please God. Help me. I just want to forget the past. I just want to truly feel your love. I just want for you to show me how to love anybody. Teach me how to love you so that I can learn to love myself. I need you so bad, God. I don’t think I’ve ever needed you so bad. I’m sorry for being a terrible daughter but there’s a part of me that wants to yell out for you to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. God, please. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to be bitter anymore. Make me brand new. I want to live without anger, hate or anything negative in my life. Please God, help me move on :(

chapter 263 : Lost.

2010-05-18T14:38:00.000+08:00

"You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy, somebody who doesn't complicate your life, and somebody who won't hurt you" - A friend.

Okay, seriously. Im abit confused here. Like WTF WTF WTF. At first I was like "Huh? Okay" then I changed to "HUH?! WHAT THE FCUK?". OMG. Okay, whatever. Maybe im being to negative here. Okay, whatever. Oh so whatever. But. Urghhh! Im stress! I've got so many question to ask like what the heck? Sigh. Where are you, by? :(
Zureen was here. She cool me down. And the tears rolled down like what the fcuk? This is gay. Totally gay! I might be paranoid. But wait. No. Im not. It is just.. I dont know. Im confused and so fcuking blur right now. Seriously, I dont know who can be trusted? I cannot trust even my own friend kot? How lame is that? -.-

chapter 262 : I think I should stop.

2010-05-17T23:01:00.002+08:00

If I could dream at night and if those dream come true, I would force myself to sleep at night. So I could dream of you (:

Omgosh. I am so hyper right now. Like really hyper. I cant stop laughing and smiling. LOLOL! Oh gosh. Now, I am so lazy to update my blog. I don't know why. Maybe im too happy kot? Haha. Agree with Amilia. Bila happy, sumpah xda masa nak update blog. Bila down, like damn. Every hour update emo post kan? LOL!

And im happy for her. Finally she have a new boyfriend. Congrats. Seriously, I don't know what to write anymore. All I can say is im happy. I just don't know how to describe. The feeling. Wow, amazing kot? LOL. I don't know la. Maybe dah lama x happy macam ni kot? So, bila dah happy, excited pulak kan? LOL -.-

Note to self :
Farah, don't get too excited okay? (:

chapter 261 : A day with him ♥

2010-05-16T22:09:00.002+08:00

Summarize sikit (:

Okay, last saturday went out with Nashriq. Gila x sabar nak jumpa kan? Lol. He woke me up at 7am. Awal gila k sayang? Lol. Then, Tyra text suruh bangun. Blablabla. Wow. I ada 2 alarm la. Cool :D
So, I was rushing gila. Baju semua takda and all. Haha. I hate that situation -_- I should prepare benda tu semua malam tadi kot. Went to pavi and tgk movie and okay la. The movie nice jugak la. Okay la. Yeah. Okay. Kot? But serious la. Okay :D

So, from pavi to klcc and blablabla. Yada, yada and yada. Then he bagi I "chocs" and the "chocs" yummy gila. I suka, by. Ilysm. Kalau boleh memang tanak lepaskan you, okay? LOL. And sumpah, tunggu my bro pick me up till im sweating kot? -_- Dahla lambat plus x sabar nak bukak gift kan? Haha. I love the box. Really. And the card too! And and now I miss him, again (:

So.. So.. Im planning to cut my hair. Maybe end of this month kot? Yupp. End of this month. So, bye bye split end. Haha. That's all I guess? Lately malas nak update :P

chapter 260 : It's all about me, honey.

2010-05-15T22:06:00.002+08:00

A

Available: Taken (:
Age: 19 y/o
Animal: I’m afraid of cats -_-

B

Beer: I don't drink.
Birthday: 13th May
Best Friend: You know who you are.
Body Part on opposite sex: Hair
Best feeling in the world: Feeling confident about yourself.
Blind or Deaf: Neither? But if I had to choose, I’ll say deaf. I’d like to see what’s around me.
Best weather: Cloudy?
Been in Love: Currently.
Been on stage : Haha. Yeah (:
Believe in Magic: Nope.
Believe in Santa: Nahh.

C

Candy: Not really.
Color: Baby pink
Chocolate/Vanilla: VANILLA please :D
Chinese/Mexican Food: Mexican I guess
Cake or pie: Cake please!
Cheese: I love cheese cake :P
Crush: Him

D

Day or Night: Night
Dancing in the rain: I would love to (:
Daydream: Yes, always. Haha. Im a daydreamer :P

E

Eye colour: Black.
Everyone’s got: Two hands, One nose, Two eyes, One mouth, and Two ears.
Ever failed a class?: Yupp :P

F

First thoughts waking up: Damn I should have slept earlier last night! HAHA!
Food: I love food. Who doesnt?

G

Greatest Fear: Rejection =/
Goals: Something something. Haha.
Gum: Bubblegum. Yupp.
Get along with your parents?: Not really :S

H

Hair Color: It’s currently dyed brown.
Height: 165cm. Im short -_-
Happy: Being with the ones I love <3
Holiday: I want to go to Paris. Actually I’m dying here so anywhere would do.
How do you want to die: Never think of it.

I

Ice Cream: Vanilla flavor (:
Instrument: Im not really good in instrument.

J

Jewelry: Not so.
Job: The star publication.

K

Kids: I want 4 kids. Haha!
Kickboxing or karate: Neither
Keep a journal?: Nope.

L

Love: is a wonderful feeling.
Letter: Handwritten please <333
Laughed so hard you cried: Yep!

M

Milk flavor: I hate milk.
Movie: Titanic! :D
Motion sickness?: Nope.
McD’s or BK: McD!

N

Number: SEVEN.
Nickname: Farah? Farahin? Ain? Ayeen? Nor Farahin? HAHA.

O

One wish: To have an endless number of wishes.
Only child: Nope

P

Perfect Pizza: pepperoni
Pepsi/Coke: Coke.
Paranoia: I’m paranoid about people leaving me. I’ve lost too many already.
Piercings: One on each ear.

Q

Quail: Eggs are yummy (:

R

Reason to cry: No real reason, it just happens. I’m too fragile.
Reality TV: I dont watch TV
Radio Station: Hitz.fm
Roll your tongue in a circle: Cant :S
Ring size: Not sure

S

Song: Current favourite song - that should be me - justin bieber
Shoe size: 7/8 depending on the cutting.
Salad Dressing: Thousand Island.
Sushi: I LOVE THEM.
Skinny dipped?: Nah.
Strawberries/Blueberries: Neither. Haha.

T

Tattoos?: No way!
Time for bed: When I’m tired.
Thunderstorms: When I’m in bed with someone, cuddling :)

U

Unpredictable: Almost and always.

V

Vacation spot(s): Beach?
Vegetable(s) : Carrot? Haha.

W

Weakness: Sigh.. Plenty. I’m human after all.
Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Hahaha ask them, don’t ask me :D
Who makes you laugh the most: Hmmm, lets see. it's him.
Worst feeling: That I didn’t do my best and will have to bear the consequences.
Wanted to be a model: Err. no? im not rly good looking -_-
Worst Weather?: Hot hot heat with high levels of humidity! LIKE NOW.

X

X-Rays: Uh yeah.

Y

Year it is now: 2010!
Yellow: I dont like yellow.

Z

Zoo animal: I don’t like the zoo much!
Zodiac: Taurus.

chapter 259 : Anything can happen if you let it.

2010-05-14T20:27:00.000+08:00

Everyone says that love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuse these things with love. But in reality, LOVE is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and make us feel wonderful again.

When I was a little girl, I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet prince charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales, the bad guys is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is.

Then you grow up, and you realize that prince charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape, he's not easy to spot. He's really funny, and he makes you laugh and he has perfect hair (:

Sometimes, I hate fairy tales. Haha.

Trust me, I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you. Waiting for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart. For everything to hurt so bad that you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels because I face it before.

If someone is strong enough to bring you down, show them you're strong enough to get up . .

chapter 258 : Blablabla, it's my birthday today!

2010-05-13T01:48:00.002+08:00

Its my birthday, today (:

Im officially 19 years old. Im getting old kan? -_- I know. Amilia asked me, do I have plan on my birthday blablabla. Nope. Xda. Haha. Biarlah semua random. So, I can call anyone who using maxis for free. Cool. Tapi I rasa celcom lagi cool kot? 7 days for free! LOL. And wow. Im surprised! Looks like semua org ingat my bday kot? Tiba-tiba tahun ni macam lebih meriah? Haha. Good thing. And thanks to Ivan! He called from Singapore just wanna wish me "Happy birthday".

They sing "Happy birthday" song. Aww. Thanks alot guys. Im touched sekejap? LOL. Semua stress dapat dilupakan sekejap. Haha. Oh, I can see that he is so ego and yeah. Whatever. By the way, sis bought me a birthday cake. Thanks alot, sis. And I cried. Haha. I don't know. Maybe I feel touched kot? But whatever. Everything was great and I had fun walaupun kena kerja? Haha.

Oh, I can't wait to see my honey bee on this saturday :P

chapter 257 : I give myself permission to fall in love again

2010-05-12T01:21:00.002+08:00

I am married to Mohd Nashriq ♥ and I love him. Fullstop (:

Like I said, everything happened like so random and so fast. If I didn't tell you anything, it doesn't mean I don't wanna share it with you. Some thing we can share but some we can't. And I prefer you figure it out by yourself.

Don't ask me how, when and why cause everything happened like so random. Gila random okay? Haha. Plus, I didn't expect this thing to be happen kot? But I am glad it happen. Love, I love you (:

"I bangga jadi kawan you". That is what she told me.

And yes, he is sweet :P

chapter 256 : I've met someone that took my breathe away.

2010-05-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

Baby, when I think of you, my heart sings a little love song (:

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile ♥

I should post this a few weeks ago but Im so malas kan. So, I decided nak post hari ni (:

I am happy with my life. Life is getting better and I am so glad that I found you, sayang. You bring the happiness into my life and I'm so thankful for that. Everything happened like so random and so fast. Okay, let's make it short, I am so in love with you ♥

I fell in love with the most unexpected person on the most unexpected time. And yes, my heart is for you to keep, baby.

chapter 255 : Watcha sayy?

2010-05-10T19:56:00.000+08:00

Incident 1.

In the lift. I was standing right next to Jessica. I am holding my purse and my phone. So, I nampak Shasha, Alia and Syarina tgh text. Maybe sms their boyfriend kot? The content of the text must be like this,

"Sayang, I nak pergi lunch. You dah lunch? Blablablabla"

Kot? Hahaha.

Jessica look at me and ask, "You tanak sms jugak ke?"
And I go LOL-ed! Hahaha. Yela, dalam lift tu semua org tgh text kot? Oni me and Jessica je standing like a wall kan? Haha. Funny. Nope. I want him to rest (:

Nothing much la today. Just I had an issue with my exec. Like fcuk gila? Okay fine. Today I stress. Fullstop. I dun wanna talk about it. Shhh. I said I dun wanna talk bout it la. Pekak ke? == and today, I went to formspring and WOW? Hahaha. I think someone is stalking me? Haha.

And I think I know siapa punya kerja. Cause they way she talked, I dah boleh agak. Haha. Fcuk you! Kau dari dulu sampai sekarang.. X penat-penat kan? X habis-habis nak jealous dengan aku. Kau, dengan kawan-kawan kampung kau tu, boleh pergi mampos. Plus, I dont talk to kampung people like you. Pathetic. Haha. And I tot benda ni semua da over since high school? Lame lame. Yela, orang kampung kan? Berdendam jela keje kau orang ni. Haha. Whatever. Im not gonna entertain your question anymore. Soalan kau semua boleh masuk dalam recycle bin kat desktop aku ni. Hahaha.

chapter 254 : Happy birthday!

2010-05-07T22:59:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday, Nadira Zalila! ♥

07th May 1988
22 years old.

Hope all your wish may come true,
and
God bless you, sayang.

Have a wonderful celebration, love.

chapter 253 : Do this and I will give u a kiss.

2010-05-06T00:23:00.000+08:00

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts
5. Kiss her slowly.
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her everywhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.
16. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car (if any)- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she's your everything - ONLY if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know
26. DON'T lie to her
27. DON'T cheat on her!
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants
29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK.
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Don't EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.
36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible
41. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her SWEET DREAMS
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.
46. Rub her back.
47. Give her your coat if she's cold.
48. Write letters on her back with your finger.
49. Let her sit on your lap.
50. DON'T poke her hard, but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.
51. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC.
52. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she's BEAUTIFUL.
53. Keep conversations flowing. Talk about anything usually they just go along with it.
54. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionately and gently.
55. Surprisingly sneak up on her and hug her from behind.
56. Kiss her in the rain.
57. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her.
58. Slow dance with no music
59. Don't ignore her or be nervous around her.
60. Love her, kiss her, hold her, and you'll be good to go.

chapter 252 : Hello, Miss me?

2010-05-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

Uhm. Hi. Hello. LOLs. Uhm. Kinda weird here. It's kinda long I didnt touch my blog kot? LOLs. Uhm. Mood nak update blog tu ada but idk la. Everytime I nak update je, there must be something yg ganggu. So it kinda spoil my mood to update. Hmm. Hahas (:

Well, I had fun. Seriously, I miss my high school's friends. I really miss you guys. Bila nak hangout wey? Haha. Oh that day, I lepak with Wida. OMG! OMG! I miss youuu okay? HAHA. I met her at TimeSquare. Firstly, I just wanna pei her and lastly we end up shopping kot? LMAO. I had fun. Really, I miss my friends. Ariff joined us too. So yeah. Best la jugak. Ariff went missing like WTF? Faint. Gedik okay? Haha. So, the next day, I should meet her at BB. Megat gonna join us but then, I cancel it cause "something" happened (:

So.. So.. I met Nashriq. He's nice and we oni slack for a few hours. We talked. Of course la kan? Haha. Uhm. What else? Oh, me and my sis went to museum. Haha. Gila nerdy? Ada pameran keranda so we went la. Seriously, x scary langsung. Haha. I will upload the pictures later. But it's good la cause you will know zaman dulu-dulu dia buat keranda macam mana blablabla. So, you guys dah pergi? Pergilah. 2bucks je kot per entry? Haha.

Kerja? Hmm. So far so good. Pergaulan pun makin okay kot? Better than before la. If dulu malu-malu kan? Haha. But one thing yang x best, uhm.. I just joined The Star. So, it's been 2 months and this month gonna be my 3rd months. And the confirmation just around the corner. Last appraisal pun so far okay. I oni have 2 appraisal. Cool x? Haha. But the thing is I feel so unfair la. Like come on la. I baru keje kot? So what do you expect from a new comer kan? Plus this is my first time in office line kot? They expect more from me. Yeah. I know I am giving my best now but xkan semua keje I nak buat kot? Haha. They said I have the potential. Okay, thanks. But still, banyak lagi benda kot I kena belajar? And I need time kot? Sigh. Okay enough dengan luahan perasaan tu. LOL!

Next month, Im going to seminar, 26th June kot? Not so sure. Well, I hope it will be fun la. Tapi tatau la cause dulu diorang cakap memang best? Cam worth it la (Y) But see how la. Oh yesterday went to TTDI and I had ikan bakar for lunch. Yummy yummy. Thanks to abang Zabidi. But still, semua orang bayar sendiri. Haha. I tot he belanja dowh =_="
and one more thing, that pervert dah x kacau I lagi. Nice. Hee. So now I boleh buat keje dengan selesanya. Haha. Boys memang pervert kot -_-

And OMG! On this sunday, Roslina nye wedding. Haha. OMG! OMG! Terkejut kot? LOL. Btw, gratz la. Im happy for her. Kawan kahwin kan. Hee. Oh yeah, a few days ago I went to Amilia's place. Gila bosan so I decided to lepak with her. We talked bout relationships, love and facts. Haha. And I found "something". LOL! Every morning ada je cerita nak story dekat Alia tau. Haha. I close dengan dia kot and Shasha (:

Nowadays, I less audi. Oh. I dont wanna talk bout audi. So the topic is close ya? AND AND, my birthday is ON THE WAY, 13th May! Haha. So excited. LOL! So far, xda plan pape pun on that day. Amilia give me an idea, lepak dekat solaris den yeah, celebrate kat sana and ajak friends blablabla. But I dunno la. Sigh.

I just realise that my life is getting better. I laugh alot and yeah, I feel better kot? HAHA. Seriously, bila I fikir balik, now getting better and I try slowly to move on and Im HAPPY. LOL. Im happy with the people arounds me. They cheer me up and ntahla. Maybe I get used to be sad and I forgot how it feels like to be happy. Haha. Thanks all <3

chapter 251 : Oh oh, here it is!

2010-04-24T23:43:00.001+08:00

Audition Friendship Competition

The audition battle of Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore

Dear Clubbers,

Audition Friendship Competition was held on 10th April 2010, it was a friendly contest with the talented participants from 3 countries, Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore.

The competition was held at Potion 77, Soi Ramkamhaeng 43/1, consisting the skillful contestants of Mick - Pongpob Rattanasaengchot, Fluke - Sornkrai Thanavibulchai, and Jay - Wasin Kitisornweerapan from Thailand; Chris Lee Soon Vui, Nor farahin idris, and Isaac Tan from Malaysia; Ng Zhi Qiang, Marcus Ong, and Alvin Lau shi Jie from Singapore.

AuditionSEA server was used for Team competition in which the modes were Crazy Choreography 8, Crazy Dynamic 8 and Special B-Boy 8 with Random Fast music. The winner of this international contest was Singapore and the runner up was Malaysia. - AuditionSEA's website.

Okay, at first I was like. OH-MY-GOD! Tak da nak penuh lagi ke nama tu? HAHA. Like they put my real name kot? LOL. Still remember my previous post? I got joined Audi Online Frenship Battle? This is it. We got second place and wait. I feel.. I feel like.. Bangga kejap boleh? Haha (Y)

chapter 250 : Trying to build up again.

2010-04-24T13:09:00.001+08:00

Congratulations to Freeya. She pass her level 39 and level 40 license.
Jiayous Jiayous to MASTER!

Maybe I keep being emo all the time so I forgot how it feels like to be happy and yes today I am happy. Haha. The feeling.. Hmm.. It's a good feeling and a bit different but I like it. Haha. So.. Lets see. Last post updated was on 21st April? WTF? Haha. Okay, I'm so lazy ass to update my blog cause I've been busy tagging and really I run out of ideas.

Oh oh, what's wrong with the crying face? It's cause audi is so SIAN! Haha. Yeah, I admit it I'm deproved. I can't chain oh wait. I can chain but the thing is my hand is really slow like so fcuking slow man. LOLOL. And I'm getting hate audi for some reason. I just sit and wonder when it's gonna be my turn to get the feeling like other people. What feeling? Nahh. I don't wanna talk about it cause I know I will get emo after that. Haha. If you know, good then. Lucky you. Haha.

Oh MASTER world, here I come. Haha. Goodbye, pro. I'm going to be a master soon. So, I don't need you anymore. I will run away from you cause I'm really bored and sick with you and I found master is more attractive. Haha. LOLOL. Lmao. People do change. When you get one then you will craving for more. So do I! I thought, oh level 39. So it should be okay la. Then I never bother but I changed my mind. I aim-ing for master now! See. You see. People. Greedy kan? Haha.

Now it's really rare for me to go arena. I went for arena last saturday I guess? Or maybe last friday. I also not so sure. Oh btw, some info for dearest members. I did post something at our bulletin board and the content is about fam is closing at the moment. Yeah, I decided to closed fam at this moment. What I mean is no tagging fam points or anything for now. Till when? Till further notice. Haha. No la, till everything is okay and when I get back my skills then the fam will be open again.

Since "something happened", I really rare to open my audi. Got one day, I decided not to patch audi but I failed. Yes, I failed. I broke my promise. I told myself not to open audi till everything is get done but piak! piak! Farah is so stubborn kan? I patch-ed it. Oopsy? Accidentally kot? Haha. Before that, I gotta a feeling to uninstall audi cause sian la. Im so broken up kot? I mean, I am sooo not okay la. Everything was like damn! It hurts, man. But I never do it. I just ignore it. Now I'm trying to get back and yeah I need some time and space for me to build up again.

chapter 249 : Sleep is one of the common forms of ESCAPE.

2010-04-21T00:03:00.004+08:00

Keluhan hatiku tak siapa yang tahu. Ku simpan semua sebak di dada. Biar ku yang terluka. Pernahkah kau mengerti caraku memujukmu. Pernahkah kau peduli betapa sedih diriku ini - (Y)

Sleep is one of the common forms of ESCAPE. Yes people. It is. Why I say so? Cause when I sleep I can escape from loneliness, sadness, frustrations, rejection and from almost any problem possible. So, sleeping is one of my hobby. I just loveeee to sleep! Hee (Y)

I didn't get enough sleep today. I don't know why. I can't sleep these few days. My mind can't stop thinking.. Thinking... Thinking bout you, maybe? I don't know. It's so complicated or we are the one who make it more complicated?

I don't know. At times, I'm so confused with this situation. You just.. Leave me hang on and you ignore me. It breaks my heart, sayang. Really. And I guess we are getting so far away. Why? You really wanna put me aside? You don't need me anymore?

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Damn it la. I'm so emo right now. I don't know who should I turn to. I need someone. I just need someone to hug me and say "Be strong". Even I know I'm not really that strong but still I need the support kot? Sigh. Screw this shiit la. Oh, btw thanks for the pain. I just love it! (Y)

A friend : Jangan bagi org harapan sudah la~
Me : Wth u toking? -.-
A friend : Nah. Nth

FCUK YOU, dude. Im not the one who giving the fcuking hope! And I didn't give any hope to anyone! It's them! They make me believe on their promises and they give me hope to it! And now what? You talking bullshit to me? Middle finger!

If you don't even know what is happening to me, just stop saying and acting like you know okay? I hate fakers. Don't be plastic and I am so fcuking hate dramas. It's enough! I had enough with all stupid dramas in my life and I don't wanna add more dramas. For god sake! Mind your own business BITCHES!

chapter 248 : Today, I felt like never breathing again.

2010-04-19T23:27:00.008+08:00

I don't know what the hell is happening to me. It's almost one month and still I made the same mistake over and over again. I don't know and I guess I deproved alot? This is lame.

Firstly, I cannot patch my audi and that is sucks. I tried so many times but still the patch is not working. The small popup keep come out and it says "Unable to download". Like what the fcuk? Okay, I'm not really pro in this but how to patch sia? I only know how to auto patch but not the manual one. I tried to find a manual one but then. Iskk. I don't know la. It's not working. Damn. Anyone? Fix it for me please? Please?

Then, this morning I had bad traffic jam and luckily I reach at the office, 8.45am. I didn't have time to take my breakfast and thanks to mum btw. She goreng keropok lekor and I bring it along. Breakfast dengan keropok lekor? Oh gay. Haha. This morning hujan and I cannot go to the clinic so I decided to go there after lunch. Maybe?

But wait. Later jadi macam semalam. I went to the clinic after lunch, around 2.30 something like that? Then, I said I wanna see the doctor and blablabla and nice la. The doctor went out for lunch and she will be back at 3.30pm. WTF? So, I learnt my lesson. Before that, I called the clinic and I ask is doctor around then the nurse said doctor went out for lunch and be back at 2.30pm. Okay, that is nice. So, at 2.30 I went to Primecare and guess what? I'm allergic to lip balm and maybe with the lipstick that I'm using it now. Like what? It's MAC kot? Sigh. Waste money sia.

So, yeah. Today I kena again. I was like "Could you please.. For once, listen what I'm saying?" but you never give me the chance! And how I wanna proof that is not even my fault? What the heck la. This whole day, I can't stop cursing people! They just LOVEEEEEE to pissed me off! Everytime got problem, sure Farah's fault. Cam sial kan? Okay, I know that I am noob and like come on la. I still new kot? So you guys pun kena la teach me with the right procedure kan? Okay right now, I stress with my job. Fullstop!

PLEASE TAKE NOTE!

IDK WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO MY MSN AND FOR YOUR INFO, I DID REPLIED ALL YOUR MSG. IF YOU DID NOT GET MY MSG, TELL ME! BUT DON'T ANYHOW SCOLD ME SAID I DIDNT REPLIED. I DID OKAY! I REALLY DID! - please dont piss me off cause im not in a good mood, okay bitch?

chapter 247 : This pain won't go away.

2010-04-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

If he misses you, he’ll call just to hear your voice. If he wants you, he’ll say it. And if he cares, he’ll show it. If he has a thought about you, it will come out of his mouth. If you are on his mind non-stop, he will do anything he can just to see you.

If he truly likes you, he won’t let get anything in the way and fight back just to keep you in his arms. If not, he can’t be worth your time because you’re obviously not worth his. - a friend.

Okay, seriously.. I'm not okay. Yes, I am not okay. Currently I'm having an issue with my own feeling. I keep asking to myself, "He loves me, he loves me not?" Cause seriously, I didn't see any hint that he wants me. Sometimes, he act like he cares and sometimes he act like hes not. I wish I was strong enough to ask him, "Do you really love me?" But I can't cause I'm too weak. Really weak. He made me to chase him and he left me hang on till I don't know! I really don't know! Only god knows what is the answer.

I wish I could read your mind..

chapter 246 : I'm sitting there and I laugh-ed

2010-04-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

For the first time in my life, I slack at Dataran Merdeka. What the fish? LOL! Dataran Merdeka? Oh sooo not me. LOL. Because of this girl. Yeah, the girl on the left ni, just because of her, I lepak la kan. Just because of her okay? Haha.

Before that, we had our dinner at Kg.Baru. Actually we looking for ikan bakar and not kerang bakar cause we oni found kerang bakar. Sigh. Why so hard to find ikan bakar man? Anyone know where is the place that I can get ikan bakar? Sigh. And and one more thing, where is the best place to eat nasi ayam? I heard that at Keramat is the best place. But which part eh? Sigh.

Okay, enough with the advertisement. LOL. We had, ikan siakap masak 3 rasa. Haha. So, 3 rasa should be ada rasa masam, manis and what else eh? Masam, manis and.. masin? Hahaha. Or pahit? Haha. Oh wait, oh pedas? Cause that day I makan menangis kot? Hot and spicy ikan tu. Haha. But really memang sedap la. It's worth it dengan rm35.50 for two person and thanks to my sistah, she belanja me. I love you lebih la! Haha.

While we makan, we had talked and we laughed alot. LOLOL. It was fun kot? How can I live without you sis? Seriously, x tipu. Ayeen sayanggg kat akak. Haha. Ewww. Nak vomit okay. Haha. Seriously la wey, I do love you, sis. Even you are stupid sometimes but still you're the best! I hope she not read my blog -__- Or else satu rumah dia kecoh kan? Haha.

After makan, we jalan-jalan and pusing-pusing satu KL. LOL. So, it was HER IDEA, nak lepak kat Dataran Merdeka. Lame -_- So, we just sit there and while im having stomach pain and cannot stand to pee feeling time tu. Haha. Gila la. LOL.

Nothing much la, we oni talked and snap some pictures. Cause we are so vain yaw! LOL. Besides that, we keep looking at the kids. They playing err. I dont know what is the name but that thing is glow in the dark and they keep baling-baling dat thingy and yeh.

When the thing fall down, you have to take it back and baling again, then take it back and baling. Like wtheck? LOL! I dont know la. Pe jadah tah benda tu. LOL. But the people yang jual that thingy, I think sure laku kot? Cause lots of family la kat sana and they let their kids play that thingy which really membazir your money but still whatever la. Its your money btw. Not mine. Haha. Seriously, I dont know what im crapping right now. HAHAHA.

Then, I saw this one mummy is catching her son kot? The mummy was like running kelam kabut nak kejar anak dia and dis boy like ohh sooo free cause dapat kaki and running like there is no tomorrow, then suddenly when the mum nak catch and almost dapat, the mum fall down terduduk plak tu. BOOO (Y)

Then me and my sis was laughing at the mum. HAHAHA. Like kesian gila. The mum's slipper tertanggal, then maybe the mum dah malu cause terduduk, she oni sit there like 10mins then cover-cover malu la kan? HAHA. Lame-lame. HAHAHA. Sumpah funny. LOLOL!! Oh, duduk sana then gelakkan orang ye? So bad. LOLOL!

chapter 245 : I'm turning my head up and down

2010-04-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

Seriously guys, don't bother asking me what is the latest movie and what event is going on right now. Don't waste your time cause I don't even know wey! Hahahaha. So far yang I tau, PC Fair kan? See, x dala out dated sangat kan? Haha. Booyahh! And and one more, Jobstreet exhibition kot kat Midvalley Megamall? LOL.

I know la cause I heard it from the radio. Hahas. Oh by the way, just now I got problem with my innit. I don't know what the heck is going on cause I cannot update my post kot? Cannot post sia. When I click the retrieve button kan, it says error like wth? Zzz. I oni can post my other site which my tumblr. Oh, do visit my TUMBLR. Hee.

A few days ago, I went to One Utama cause I got 2 free ticket. Err. What movie eh? Uhm.. Oh yeah, its Haunted Room movie. A thailand movie. The movie was nice la jugak. Abit scary but not really scary. Haha. I watch the preview screening je. So, I lebih advance daripada you all la kan? Jangan jealous. Haha.

I went there with my sister and that time kinda rush cause I finish work at 5.30pm and nak siap lagi blablabla. The redemption ticket at 8pm. So yeah, we kinda rush la. The movie is about the boy. Yeah, the boy oni stay in his room for the 5 years and never keluar from that room. He oni stay inside and play his game. His online game. Auditonsea ke? Haha.

Dah macam kisah aku pulak. Haha. But actually, he already dead 5 years ago. So, who stay in his room? And what happened behind the door? Hah, sendiri tengok la. Haha.

chapter 244 : I'm wasting my time, I've got nothing to do.

2010-04-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

Let's see, when is the last time I went to KLCC? Uhm.. Uhm.. A few years ago? LOL! Seriously, I dont like to go KLCC. Yeah. Maybe lots of bangla kot? HAHAHA. And also the Indonesian people. Eww. Maggie hair? Vomit! Okay, now im being racist. HAHA. Nahh, just kidding. Hahas.

We went to KLCC last sunday kot? Yela kot. Cant remember jugak. Haha. Actually, should be on that evening, we suppose to play kite at Kepong but then he said nak hujan la, last minute la, itu la ini la. Banyak cekadak plak mamat ni. Ikut jela kan? Lol.

But really, petang tu hujan =x

Since im so boring to death, we decided to bring our lappy and online at Mcd but couldnt make it cause my lappy kinda spoil. Sigh. So, x jadi lagi la kan? Okay, im bored. That is what I told him. Then he said he wanna blanja me an ice-cream. Woah, that's sound great kot? Haha. Jom lah kita kan? Haha.

He reach at my place around 8pm and as usual, I will make him wait for me. Lolol. Around 8 something kot we reach at the KLCC. At first, I didnt know we going to KLCC sebenarnya, cause when I ask him, he oni said "Adalah", "Adalah". And your adalah is KLCC? Pe barang bro? KLCC is boring man! Haha. But still, thanks to him. At least im out from that house kan. Tengok dunia, so the boring decrease la. Haha.

I wanted to eat an ice-cream from Mcd. The sundae cone vanilla flavour. Yummy yummy. We just walked, talked, walked and talked. Nothing much la. Like I mentioned just now, KLCC is super duper boring. Haha. We went there pun cause dah lama x gi sana.

So, we just stand and finish our ice-cream and snap some pictures together. Its been awhile I didnt hangout together ngan mamat ni kot? Kan bro kan? Haha. After that, we had our dinner at Kg.Baru and for the first time jugak, after so long... That is our first time makan with nasi putih, tomyam and blablabla. Haha. Right?

Well, before this we never order something like that before. But it was nice la. The food pun quite nice and okay okay la. I guess? LOL. After that, he send me home and I reach home around 10.30pm. Hee. Thanks for the dinner and yeah. The ice-cream too! Do belanja me nextime. Thanks. Haha.

chapter 243 : While we having fun,

2010-04-14T20:53:00.002+08:00

Oh hello people! (:

Okay, okay. I know its been awhile I didnt update my blog. I didnt update for some reason. Yeh, yeh, lots of drama blablabla but actually the main reason is Farah is so lazy to update her blog. Thank you. LOL.

Okay, when somebody "kacau" her, she will get upset. When she upset, she will throw ANYTHING right in front of her but wait, her pc? No, she oni ketuk that cpu. Thats all. LOL. After that, the emotion will control her mind and TADAAA. Farah dah emo. LOL. Oh shiit! Why Im toking bout this? LOL. Lame.

Actually, I just wanna update for the previous. So, lets rewind (:

Uhm, cant remember when it happened. Maybe last saturday kot? Or maybe last sunday. Tahla. Not so sure. So, all of us, Danish, Damia, Mika, me and sis went to Desa Park City for fun. LOL! This time, we didnt play kite but poor Damia. She never joined us to play kite. So, on that day, she was like "Nak main ayang-ayang". LOL. Agak malas la kan nak main time tu? LOL.

But still, we had fun. And gosh. Mika was missing kot time tu? Faint. Damia and Danish was right in front of me while my sis on the phone with her boyfie. Then suddenly I realize Mika was not around kan? So, we all like panicked gila la? Haha. Danish almost cry. HAHA. Gay gila wey. Like chill la. Sure we can find an? But wait, what if we all cannot find? Okay, Im dead.

So, we all turn around and keep looking for Mika. And yeh. My sis found him. He like AWAYYYY from us near the kolam ikan. We all like wtf? Dia gi sana sorang-sorang kot? Like so berani okay? Sigh. Poke! Poke! Poke! You really made us panicked and kelam-kabut okay? Zzz.

After that, we all just walked and tawaf satu park tu. Haha. Nothing much la. Then we all went back. Before that, went to mamak and eat some roti canai then we all reach home safely at 7.30pm :)

chapter 242 : What should I do with my feelings?

2010-04-13T23:42:00.003+08:00

Those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I think. A lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from "What am I doing with my life?" to "Did I have something better to do?" The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud.

It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up thing I rather never think about again. The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life.

Sometimes I really wonder, does anyone care about my feeling? How I feel? I dont think so. Plus I dont have the strength to believe anymore. I just cant. Sigh. They broke it and im torn apart. Why this shiit always happen to me? Why me? Why they choosing me? ....

I dont want to feel anymore. Just let me be numb, and I'll be satisfied. No more happiness? I dont care and I dont give a damn. I just want all the sadness and pain to end. Please, take them away cause I cannot take it anymore. And thats why I hate emotions. The way they control us, and there's nothing we can do to stop them.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I thought, I already move on but I didnt! Damn! What happened to us? One day, I woke up and discovered we weren't close anymore and thats makes me sad.

chapter 241 : It's sad how times change.

2010-04-13T23:30:00.003+08:00

I’m crying as I type this. I miss you.

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

Please come back, I need you.

Somebody, kill me please? I wanna die. Now.

chapter 240 : General info

2010-04-12T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hello, peeps!

Just want to let you know, I do have a TUMBLR. Yes, people. I do have one. And I also have a formspring. So, anything you wanna know, anything you wanna ask, just leave it at my formspring, alright?

Besides that, I show how I feel through my tumblr too! I think tumblr is the easiest way to express the feeling kot? To those who doesnt understand what is tumblr is do drop your question thru my formspring. HAHA. Saja promote. LOL!

Im not feeling good right now. Im having flu and running nose. Sigh. So, get well soon Farah. Well, currently, I havent update my tumblr yet but SOON! Yes, soon I'll update it. My tumblr will alive back. Yeahh! Just want to remind you, DO NOT BOTHER TRY TO SEARCH MY NAME on facebook cause I already delete it. Facebook is gay and myspace is sucks. Take note on that (:

Click the link for formspring and tumblr :

So, that's all for now I guess. Oh, do click the nuff yeah. Thanks. Hahas (:

11.58pm,
Im off to bed. Night night.

chapter 239 : I'll never let go.

2010-04-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

Jack: You’re gonna get out of here, you’re gonna go on and make lots of babies, and you’re gonna watch them grow. You’re gonna die an old lady warm in her bed, but not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?
Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it brought me to you. And I’m thankful for that, Rose. I’m thankful. You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless.
Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.

Rose: I promise.

Jack: Never let go.

Rose: I’ll never let go. I’ll never let go, Jack.

chapter 238 : What if?

2010-04-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

What if this time, I don't say hi first?
What if this time, I don't text you back?
What if this time, I leave you wondering?

Will you ever try to find me?

If I could write a book, all the chapters would be the same because my life keeps repeating the same SHIT all over again. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. Thats all I want. Why so hard to find one?

I don't know what I want but I don't want this.

He taught me how to love but not how to stop. So how can I stop loving him?

chapter 237 : Online friendship.

2010-04-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

Guy : I x suka tengok muka you berkerut. I nak tengok muka you happy je :)
Me : *Smiling*

I still remember those word and it made me smile. Really. Thanks for cheer me up. I found that those word really sweet kot. Lols. Heh, dude jangan bangga lebih boleh? Menyampah. LOL.

Btw peeps, I deleted my myspace and facebook. So dont bother find me or search my name cause you will never find it =p
Currently, im not looking foward to create a new facebook. Maybe, not now. Yeah (:

Click for larger image (:

I went to audi's website and finally they update bout the online friendship event. When I saw v6, I was like "Oh damn!". v6 IGN already change to Freeya. Oh this is gay. Im panicked. Haha. Btw, gratz to v6, she advance to the final. Heee. Wish me luck (:

Before the match I had warm up with eyez and keichisan. They seems frenly and thanks to Kei cause he help me on my IGN. Thanks. Should be sake will join us but then she got personal matter and yeh, eyez will replace her place. So, for team malaysia is Kei, me and eyez (:

We won for the second place and the champion team is Singapore. Thailand team lose at the 3rd place. Gratz and I really had a nice game with you all. Haha. And woots im the only girl in the event. Cool x cool? LOL!

Around 9 Tyra drop by at my place. We had audi together. She help me to tag till 12am. After that, around 1.30am im off to bed. Early kan? Haha =p

chapter 236 : Or was I addicted to the pain?

2010-04-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

Choose her :)

A guy like you deserves so much better than a lonely, heart-broken, fragile, tangled mess that is, me.

Right now, I am struggling to find a balance between passion and practically. It hurt so much to know you with her. You are everything I want and everything I will never have. I still remember every word you told me and I cant stop thinking about it.

How can I go foward when I dont know which way im facing? I found that one of the hardest parts in life is deciding when to give up and when to try harder.

Girl: Why cant you just stop thinking about it and follow your heart?
Me: Because, he broke my heart.

You know, after that day, I changed. I am no longer the same person I was two days ago. I dont know what is different, but I know I am not the same, and I know I never will be again. I am not the same person who believed in faith. I wont believe in ‘signs’ anymore, because they really dont mean anything, no matter how bad you wish or hope they do. As of right now, I dont even believe in love. There is no happily ever after, not in this world. At least not for me. Not now. Not ever.

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who wont run away. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me its ok that things dont always go right. That this is how life works, and how it will always work. That its not going to be easy. Today, tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better.

chapter 235 : I don't even know what's going on

2010-04-07T23:32:00.000+08:00

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.

I hate how dispensable I am to people. I hate how people feel they can just forget about me, replace me, erase me without even a second thought. Its like I dont matter to anyone. And hey, I mean, I dont blame you. Im no one special. I just thought you were different. I had more faith in you. And you took that, ripped it up, shoved it in my face and walked away without ever looking back.

You asked me to understand but I find it hard cause like suddenly it happened? I just dont get it. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there was no one else that you could ever be with, and that you rather be alone than without me.

Somebody told me that everyone's lonely, but I was the only fool there waiting down by the ocean, with my heart half way broken. I can’t even stand up straight. My heart is broken over in that corner, my phone is dead and my ears are ringing.

I think im losing weight and I dont know what day it is.My mascara is smeared on my pillow case and my fists are bruised. I couldnt say a whole sentence without my voice breaking if I wanted to. This is what it feels like to be let down in the worst possible way.

Well, at least I expected the disappointment, right? I mean, I cant say I was surprised you hurt me once again. But I cant say it hurt any less, either. Knowing that you two together, it makes me weak.

chapter 234 : I hate your drama.

2010-04-06T22:56:00.000+08:00

Okay boy. Here it goes. For your information, I dont entertain stranger. Yes, I know we are in the same department but it doesnt mean that you can anyhow or simply like stalking me? Gosh. Dont you think is like so lame? Stalking and asking other people bout me? Faint. Im different than others. Maybe the other girls you can try lah but not me. You're wrong, dude. Im not into that category. I dont simply fall into your trap (:

Im getting piss off with this one guy. He said he admirer me like WHAT THE FCUK? He knows everything bout me! How lame is that? Dude, im sorry. You having an affair with a married woman which same department with us then now what? You want me too? Heh. Youre asking for my phone number and keep trying. Try hard still I wont give it to you.

Im sorry. Im not being racist here. I prefer a malay guy but you're not a malay, bro. Hey, look. Im not racist. Just that is kinda hard you know. Im malay and you're not and got some certain things that I cannot do but maybe you're understand but still. I cant accept you.

Seriously, dont waste your time to chase me. Im not gonna choose you, fullstop. Maybe we can be friend? Like a normal one? An affair? I dont think so cause im not really interested on that. Say what you wanna say bout me. Say im sombong or whatever cause I dont really care. Plus, you're just making me famous. Oh wait. I think I am famous now =p

Thanks for showing how much you care. Thanks for giving me an advice. Thanks for your information. I really appriciate it but we cannot be together. Keep it in your mind. Right now, im trying my best not to see or not to talk with you.

Summore, im not really comfortable with this situation you know. We are in the same unit, before this we got talked and yeh. Like Hi Bye sumthing like that. What if, other thing will happen? I mean, like I stop friend with you or something sure x best aite? Like no fun lah if this thing happen kan?

Well, I hope you understand (:

chapter 233 : What a wonderful Monday.

2010-04-05T20:36:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I hate Monday. I HATE YOU MR.MONDAY! Urghh! I am so fcuking sleepy at the office. Like nothing to do. Gahh. So lame. Oh oh, I got a new friend which our unit got a new staff hey, I got a new friend. Hee. Her name is Alia. She's pretty. Really. Her face remind me of someone. Yeah, someone. Maybe one of the Kiaramas's student? Oh yeh. Angeline kot? Cant remember.

Me : Hey, im Farah.
Alia : Im Alia. Nice to meet you.
Me : Nice to meet you to. Uhm, btw how old are you?
Alia : Im 27.
Me : Really? o.o So, you want me to call you "akak" ke? No need lah kan? HAHA.
Alia : Yeh. Alia is better.

Well, today nothing much. I just goyang kaki at the office and cant stop yawning. LOL. Maybe its Monday so nothing much to do lah. I realise that I keep made mistake over and over again. I admit it, im a careless person. I should improve on that part. Aww. Sigh.

I had lunch with Alia. So we talked alot. Looks like she's okay lah kot? For now la kan? Haha. And and I bought 3 bottle of bliss yogurt for 11 bucks and got 1 free pink cup. Hee. How nice is that? Bliss came to Menara Star and they selling 3 bottles only for 11bucks. Plus, you can choose your favourite flavour. Cool.

I reached home kinda early. Like 5 pm something kot? And yeh, I repeat again, im very careless so I forgot to bring back my yogurt. Sigh. Rushing punya pasal, semua benda tinggal dah. Sigh. And guess what people?

For nuffnangers, do you guys still remember the kotex ads before? Yang korang duk click-click kat blog aku ni. Hahaha. Yeah, still remember? I got sign up the form and woots! I receive 5 sample from kotex yaww! The box is really nice. I like the box and im gonna keep it. Haha.

chapter 232 : I heart them.

2010-04-04T23:43:00.001+08:00

Oh oh, I bought a new kite. Heee. I love my kite! So lovely and cute just like me! HAHA. I bought it for 10 bucks and its really worthy cause the kite is really fly! Up up in the sky. Weee. Oh, can you see the batman design? Nice kan? Hee.

Nowadays, I spent my weekend with playing kite at Kepong. Its really fun! Seriously. I really enjoy and I think im getting pro. Haha (Y) Now, dengan duduk atas rumput je boleh control kite. Haha. Cool an? I know! LOL! This time, Leesya didnt join us cause she refuse to. Lols. Maybe nextime (:

I dunno why im so excited. Haha. Like jakun gila? LOL. I am! Cause I never play kite when I was kid. Kesian aite? I know. LOL. Im getting too much excited when I bought this pinky zebra kita. Haha. LOLOL.

I wish I can get more happiness in my life. Even the kids really annoyed me but still, I heart them. I try to do more activities so that I can stop thinking bout you for once. Hahas.I try to get bust at time cause I dun wanna think of you cause I know you never think of me (:

chapter 231 : I love people who can make me laugh

2010-04-03T22:55:00.003+08:00

I woke up kinda early like 10am? OH-MY-GOD! Sungguh mengantuk, okay? This is soooo not me! Like come on la. Bangun kul 10? LOL! 10am is like too early for me. Like very early. Yeh. Sigh. Maybe I get used to woke up every 7am every weekdays. So, dah terbiasa maybe? Heee. That's sound so good kan? People do changed (:

Stick to the plan, I went out with Tyra like finally? HAHA. After soo long barulah dapat keluar together. We off to Pavilion around 3pm. Yupp. 3pm people. Should be, should be la kan. I will attend an event of AuditionSEA but then I dunno la. The website pun never update anything. They never update bout the event so yeah. Went to Audi pun like nothing happen? No event blablabla. So yeh (:

Oh oh. Before that, I went to DiGi website and I upload some of my photos to be appear on DiGi's ads. Hahaha. Ala, the iklan yang "Be famous" tu. But hey, I am famous! HAHAHA. So.. so.. We watched "Its complicated". I watched the trailer before and the story was very funny. I LOL-ed so many times and the funniest part is when the guy is covering his penis using the monitor of the laptop but he din know that the webcam is ON! Haha. Gosh, Tyra should not watch this movie tho. Youre still underage! Haha.

We had lunch at KFC. Suddenly, im craving for a spicy and crunchy chicken from KFC. Yummy yummy! We really had a long talk through the lunch. Lets not called it lunch. Lets called it "Hi-tea". How bout that? Cause we had sooo called our lunch at 5 something? LOL. We talked bout him, him and him. Haha. Yeh. Oh Tyra, I haven check his facebook yet. Maybe later, alright? After that we walked, talked blablabla..

Seriously, I didnt really enjoy the movie 100%. You wanna know why? Firstly, I received phone call from my sister. She asking me what time Im going back blablabla. Cause she's the one who gonna pick us up at KTM. If one time called, nevermind la kan? Ni x. 2 or 3 times she called me like what the hell? Saba jela kan? Zzzz. After that, my other sis called me asking for my email and password for my facebook. Gahh. Then, Ariff called me. Blablablabla. Lucky, I silent my phone. If not, disturb other people je? Sigh.

Then, we off to BB Bistro. I met Ain for the first time kan Tyra? (: I pei Tyra to meet her friends. They had shisha and my hair smells shisha. Nice one (Y) Nothing much la but still I had fun and I saw the silverman. I wonder what kind of makeup remover he gonna use? Cause lots of glitter kot? Adeh. Haha. Who said the cab nowadays used the meter at night? Even they put the sticker, asking for the receipt all that kind of shiit, mne de. Dorang x guna meter. Saja nak earn lebih at night. Screw them (Y) Balik rumah rm35. Nice one (Y)

chapter 230 : Sometimes, I feel like ..

2010-04-03T12:46:00.001+08:00

Everybody assumes that im so happy, that nothing is ever wrong with me. But nobody ever knows that I constantly feel like everything is falling apart, and my insides are numb. I wish some people in my life would cut the bullshit and be totally honest about something. For once.

Everyday I destroy myself more and more, usually in my head. If I could crash myself into everything in sight, I would. I want to hit pavement at 100 mph and get back up do it again and again.

Im never good enough, always second best even in my family, in friendships, in relationships, and in every single thing that I do. Im craving for an attention from you. I know. I know. Im acting like a childish but I cant help it. This is me. The real me. Can you take me as I am?

chapter 229 : Expecting alot.

2010-04-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

I am so fcuking depress. This time it really hurts me alot. YES. Alot. You think you can fix it? I dont think so. Now, I know im nothing to you. Yes. NOTHING TO YOU. I thought I was the person that you love. The one you care. The girl you miss everyday but I guess I was wrong. Its not me. And all the things that you wrote, I thought it was for me. And I was wrong again. It was for someone else, right?

Today, when I woke up. I sent u a text and hoping a feedback from you but it turn to other way. So, I was planning to talk to you but ..... Sigh

When I saw what happened just now. I was like "OH-MY-GOD". My heart beat faster, faster and faster. At first, I didnt think too much till I saw that word, it really breaks my heart. Yeh. I admit it. Im not good enough for you and I know im not the one you wanted. Seriously, I hate to be this way and this feeling is killing me. Im in pain.

I screenshot EVERYTHING! And guess what? I did screenshot that word too (:

Well, maybe you're not happy when we were together. We always fight and yeah. Sometimes we got miss communication and MAYBE that is the one of the reason you choose someone else to company you? Im not mad. Now only I know why my "hubby" never show up anymore. No ring. Single. More easier? (Y)

So, tell me. Shes gonna replace my place? Shes gonna be your cheerleader while you playing? The one who will stay all night long with you? How nice is that? While im alone, struggling ALONE, and at the same time you got a supporter to give you support? You think, im okay with that? And you think I dont mind? You're wrong. Or maybe, you're not reply me cause you're so busy with her? I think I am right. RIGHT?

"The people who laugh too much are the ones who experience to much of PAIN"

I think im into that kind of category (:

chapter 228 : I'm so tired of it.

2010-03-30T21:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to him. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone waiting for his new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says he’s online.

Or how when I miss him I read the things he told me months and months ago. I really wonder what he would say if he knew he meant that much to me.

Why I'm acting stupid?

Some people, they can just move on, you know, mourn and cry and be done with it. Or at least seem to be. But for me, I don’t know. I didn’t want to fix it, to forget. It wasn’t something that was broken.

It’s just something that happened. And I’m just finding ways, every day, of working around it. Respecting and remembering and getting on at the same time.

Okay. Let’s just be honest. I’m not leaving for some new perspective or to get a new start. I’m leaving because I can’t look at you anymore without my heart breaking.

chapter 227 : Full of shiit

2010-03-29T21:17:00.004+08:00

Let me repeat again.

You are so full of SHIT and im tired of it (:

Got it?
No? Let me punch your face then I'll think you will get it. Hee xD

I hate you :(

chapter 226 : Oh my. Today, I laughed

2010-03-28T23:58:00.008+08:00

Hello, people (:

This evening, I went to Manjalara with sister, Danish and Mika. We reach there about 5.30pm I guess? And its kinda hard to get a parking cause alot of people. Plus, its windy. Yay. Sure my kite naik terbang tinggi an? Haha.

Danish and Mika. Poor Mika terselit. LOL.

Previously, I went there with my sister. Seriously, I never play layang-layang before. And that was my first time kot? LOL. My sister always play layang-layang with her boyfie. Sometimes they went to picnic la. Gahh. Gedik okay? I x penah camtu. How sad is that? Sigh.

Who said using Nokia 6500 x boleh snap picture camni? Haha.

I try to get the layang-layang naik tinggi but I cant. I dont know what happen to my kite. Its like something is going wrong. The kite keep fall down. Sigh. Okay, I admit it im not pro in this activity but hey, Im still learning how to balance it.

Last week, dia terbang tinggi (:
I should upload this last Saturday but heh. Im so lazy. LOL.

Since I got 4 kites, I try all the 4 kite but still same. Dia tanak naik jugak. LOL. Last week okay je? Okay fine. I think I have to get a new one? Diao. Its okay. Im planning to get a new one. Pink color of course. I aim the zebra design with pink color on it. Yay! its oni 15bucks! Cheap cheap. The weather so fcukin hot wey. My face turn to red color and yeah I start to sweating. Adeh. Danish and Mika pulak x boleh nak duk diam. Poke kang. LOL.

Since out kite cannot get up, we end up bring the kids to the playground. Hah, main la kau kat situ. So, the auntie oni stare at them playing. And yes, the maksu berebut with this one kid. Berebut nak main buai. WTF? Gay! Haha. Kurang ajar budak tu. Humph! Benci kau! I saw the swing kosong so I quick grab la kan. Then this one boy tarik the swing and said "Ni untuk Marsha". I go, "Huh? Who the heck is Marsha?". Gahh. Whatever. The Marsha is not around, so GIVE ME! RAWRRR!

boy : Ni untuk Marsha. X boleh amek.
me : Huh?
boy : (sambil tarik tali buai)
me : Who cares? Now, its mine! (give the garang face)

LOLOLOL!!

In the end, I ate his ice-cream (:

Dahla x dapat main kite. Perut pulak meragam. Went to toilet like 2x kot? Sigh. Around 6.40pm, it started to rain. Aww. We stop aside cause hujan lebat gila till one of the canopy roboh. Rofl. What the heck? Waiting for the rain to stop berzaman la kan? I reached home around 8.15pm and lucky, I still got time to join Arena event. Hee xD

Scary :S

chapter 225 : The Princess F. LOL!

2010-03-28T22:45:00.008+08:00

My favourite shoes ♥

Hello, people (:

Last night had audi sambil gelap. Earth hour kan? LOL. Me and sis so excited nak turn off the light. LOL. I oni turn off the light but I didnt turn off my desktop and aircond. Haha. Panas kot? LOL. How bout you? Did you turn off the light? (:

This is the gown that I dreamed of. Hee xD

Oh oh. This morning I had a dream. A nice dream. Really. I dreamed about im married to my prince charming and woahh. I had my weddin in the castle kot? Haha. What a perfect wedding but its oni a dream. I wish it happen in reality. Aww. Sigh. That moment, I was wearing a white gown just like a princess. Haha. And wearing a crown. Of course la kan? LOL. I will remember it (Y).

chapter 224 : Everything is going wrong.

2010-03-27T20:31:00.001+08:00

"Its like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart."

Im sorry I cant be beautiful or skinny or pretty. Trust me. I would if I could. Sigh. I just dont know what to do with my life. Im so lifeless right now. When I go to work, seriously I put you aside. Why? Cause I really dont wanna think about you. I dont wanna feel stress. The stupid faxes and the machine already enough to make me stress. And that is one of the reason I put you aside.

Just want to let you know, im not okay. Im not okay with my condition right now. I lost my appetite these few days and you never know and never ask. But I think its a good way to lose some weight tho -___- One more thing, I started to eat maggie non stop. I know its unhealthy but still. I feel so malas to cook and I think maggie is the easiest and the fastest way kot? I still remembered what she said to me.

Auntie : Balik nanti masak ke?
Me : Errr. x kot? Penat la :(
Auntie : Kalau masak, masak apa? Maggie? Haha.
Me : LOL! Xdala. malas la nak masak nowadays.
Auntie : X elok tau makan maggie. Nanti terus "goal" baru tahu.

I flashback. When is the last day I ate maggie? Semalam kot? This week, I ate maggie kinda alot? Sigh. Goal pun goal la auntie. Sigh. A friend of mine, "Maggie lagi ke?". Lol. Yeah. Malas nak masak. Hais.

I wish I can burn my desktop. I wish I can break the wall. I wish I can break anything in front of me. And I wish I can break your heart into a million pieces! You never know how I feel. You blame me for everything. Am I so hina to you? Am I? Tell me. Am I?

Every night, I cried myself to sleep. Its either because im too strong to let something like this make me cry, or its because im too weak to admit to myself that I am in deep pain.

chapter 223 : I'm that girl.

2010-03-27T20:09:00.003+08:00

I’m the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen. I’m the girl who would rather stay in on a friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I’m the girl who wouldn’t make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I’m the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rather than going to some fancy restaurant.

I’m the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I’m the girl who won’t make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead. I’m the girl who will love you more than anyone can possibly dream of. I’m the girl who would give the world to see you smile.

Im trying to be happy but I think its pretty obvious by now that it isnt my strongest forte. Im not afraid of anything. Im afraid of everything and I dont want to be alone on my birthday. 2 more months. Counting the days. Celeb it with me? I prefer cheese cake (:

Note to self:
People changed. Promises are broken.

chapter 222 : And im not doing too well.

2010-03-26T18:57:00.000+08:00

Omg, I just love the makeup and the hair :(

Oh hello, people (:

"Top 3 winners from each room will advanced to Final match between, Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore on 03 April."

- AuditionSEA

For your info, im selected to go into the finals. Wee. Clap clap clap. Remember the audi event? The final is on next saturday, 3rd April. Just now, I went to Audi website but still they havent update the latest yet. Woahh. Hand shaking sia. Hahaha. Wish me luck, people (:

So, hows work? Well, so far so good. Heee. Everyone seems to be nice and everything was great. For lunch, I went lunch with Shasha. Oh, I havent take any photo with her yet. Nevermind. This coming Monday, I will take some. Hehe. Last Tuesday, I finished work around 7.30pm. Agak lambat aite? Yeh cause we had meeting and that was my first time to join them.

So, hows life? Uhm, I dont know how to say this. Haha. Uhm. Im not okay. Really. I smiled but I think its fake kot? Haha. Tahla. I think im getting used to be alone. Right now, I got so many plan to do and I hope I will stick to the plan la kan? Haha. I just miss my girlfriends. Wida called me a few days ago. Gahh, I miss you, woman! Leya, and Naemah too. I miss to hangout with three of you. Im looking foward to going out with them A.S.A.P. Hahaha.

To you :
Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand.

chapter 221 : I'll be back.

2010-03-25T23:59:00.002+08:00

Dear readers and my beloved followers,

Im sorry I didnt update this blog kinda long. Im so fcukin TIRED and I really have no time to update my blog. Sigh. I really have lots to update but I really have no time peeps. Im super duper tired. This week really make me .... Hais.

Lots of people give me feedback. They want me to update blablabla. Hahaha. Yeah. I will. Dont worry. I will starting update by tomorrow. Cause tomorrow is Friday! Yeah, baby! I can sleep late! Hahaha. So, I'll see ya guys tomorrow then?

11.58pm.
Im off to bed (:

chapter 220 : Acknowledgement

2010-03-18T23:07:00.005+08:00

Still remembered my previous post? Chapter 217? Haha. Right now, I would like to say BIG thanks to lil cause he helped me to fix it.

Seriously, im so fcukin blur when he ask me issit green or red? LOL! Cause all I saw is green color tho -__-

One more thing. He so garang -___- Im like harus ke dia nak caps "System Restore" tu? zzz

Taraaa. The result is (Y) Now I can hear my song again. Currently, Because Im stupid by SS501.

chapter 219 : I feel sooo good.

2010-03-18T22:22:00.007+08:00

Woots! Its Thursday, baby! Tick tock tick tock dah ari khamis kan? Cepat cepat. Bagus (Y). Went lunch with Shasha. Planning nak keluar awal around 12.50pm but im super duper busy today. Like shiitt. Keje makin lama makin bertambah.

Plus, its Thursday kot? Kena wat keje untuk 3 deadline. Lame! Aku rasa, aku budak baru and meja aku la yang paling semak? Why? Cause alot of papers! Gahhh! HAHA.

A few days ago kot? I still remembered what Shereen said to Manaf. I was on the phone with my client and Shereen said

Shereen : Manaf, mana itu Laila Johari punya?
Manaf : Oh, benda tu dekat Farah.
Me : Huh? What thing? Hold on (sambil tercari-cari space order yang dah lama tertangguh tu)
Shereen : Walao. Meja dia banyaknya paper wor. Budak baru sudah busy mcm ini meh?

Heh. Farah. Rajin kan? LOL!

Went lunch around 1.10pm. Had lunch at Kayu Manis Restaurant. Nex week, Shasha and I planning nak walk gi makan kat next building yang ada Secret Recipe. Haha. Esok Jumaat. Nak pakai baju apa ye? Hahaha. Baju kurung again? -____-

Sister : Ek elen ayeen. Jumaat je pakai baju kurung. Hari Jumaat baru lah ko nak alim.
Me : LOL! Diam la. Ske hati aku la. Hahaha.

While makan, Shasha asked me, what is my plan on this weekend. Then I replied, "Uhm. Rasanya takda pape plan kot? Oh yeah! Main layang-layang kat Manjalara dis saturday".
And just now I had conversation with Tyra. I told her the quarter final round is on this saturday, 20 march. Then she said "BUKAN NAK KELUAR KE?". Woo woo. Siap caps aku lagi. Hahaha.

Sumpah wey. Aku x ingat langsung. LOLOL!

Click for larger image (:

Ive been waiting for a few days dah and audi memang slow dalam bab meng-update benda mcmni. Sigh. So the quarter final online friendship nye result dah keluar. Here it is. Jys v6 (:

Well, I hope I can get into Semi final round. Wish me luck, guys. Heeee :P

chapter 218 : Laugh like there's no tomorrow.

2010-03-18T21:45:00.003+08:00

Today, I had fun with my mates. Office mates. Really. I cant stop laughing kot? Hahaha.

Kak Zan : Eh, dia stuck pulak dah. Camne nak buat ni? Dik, tolong akak jap.

Im trying my best to fixing the bloody printer. 1stly, I removed the tempat ink tu. Idk la what they call benda ngek tu. LOL. So I pull out the a4 paper and yeh. Good job Farah. Now aku dah x reti nak masukkan balik tempat ink tu. Nice one (Y).

Me : Alamak. Farah tatau la camne nak masukkan balik. Keluarkan reti plak. Nak masuk balik x reti. Hahaha.
Me : Kak Shida, tolong jap. Camne nak masukkan ni?

Kak Shida datang ngn perut memboyot dia tu. Pregnant anak kedua (:

Kak Shida : Eh, nape x boleh masuk ni? Cam tersekat-sekat je. Nak masuk x reti la. Keluarkan akak tau la.
Kak Zan : Ha, tu la. Nak keluarkan senang je. Masuk tu payah sikit.
Me : Kak Jess, how ni? Benda ni x boleh nak masuk. Tolong jap.

Tadi Kak Jess on the phone. Dats y I ask Kak Shida for help. Cam tadi pun, Kak Jess yang betulkan. Meaning ni kali kedua printer ni buat hal.

Kak Jess : Oh, nak masukkan x reti. Keluarkan reti plak.
Kak Shida : Yela, nak keluarkan senang je. Masuk tu payah sikit.
Kak Jess : Saya reti masukkan tapi x penah rasa la. HAHAHA.
Me : Huh? o.o Ohh! HAHAHA.
Kak Jess : Macam Shida, dia penah rasa. HAHA.
Kak Shida and Kak Zan : HAHAHAHA.
Kak Jess : Korang jangan la push-push. Rosak pulak nanti. Dia kena slow-slow. Nak masukkan senang je. Awak penah main masuk keluar, masuk keluar x kan x tau kot?
Me : WTF? HAHAHA
Kak Zan : Dia masuk keluar benda lain. HAHAHA
Kak Shida : Eeii. Mane ada la. Hahaha.

1 hour later.

Kak Jess : Siapa ada charger Nokia?
Kak Shida : Saya x bawak charger hari ni.
Me : Akak nak yang kecik ke yang besar?
Kak Jess : Saya mesti lah nak yang besar. Kecik-kecik longgar sangat.
Kak Shida : Ish (Sambil buat muka)
Kak Jess : (Sambil pandang Kak Shida) You kan. Otak kuning la. Pikir lain je. Saya kan mintak charger. Haha.
Me : HAHAHA. Saya ada yang kecik la kak. Besar sangat kang x larat plak. Hahaha :D
Kak Jess and Kak Shida : HAHAHA.

I hope tomorrow will be a better one than today (:

chapter 217 : I hate me.

2010-03-16T22:39:00.002+08:00

So fucking true!! =__=

Gahhh. Sumpah aku bengang gila babi hari ni. Fcuk la. Tu jela word yg mampu aku ckp skrg ni. Damn. Cam sial gila. I mean the situation like very sial. Sial. Sial. Lepas ni apa? Satu-satu ko rosakkan barang aku. Pasni apa lagi? Sampai pc ni dah x boleh nak bukak dah? Sampai dah blank baru ko nak duk diam. Middle finger!

Hari tu, hp aku ko tuka lock code. Headphne aku, mmg dah jahanam la ko rosakkan. Nape ko x rosakkan je pc ni terus? Senang aku campak je kat ko! Bia mampos kat situ! Yeh. Aku bengang! Aku bengang teramat sangat! I cant control anymore.

Once more ko touch pc aku, kena ko ngan aku nanti. Sedarlah sikit, nak on pc pun x reti, ada hati nak guna pc aku. Dah tau x reti duduk diam-diam jela. Tengok je pe aku buat! Ni x, tangan gatal nak sentuh-sentuh. Bila aku tanya sapa buat. Sume xnak ngaku. Macam jahanam je perangai! Aku cakap sekali ko xnak dgr. Bila aku dah menjerit baru nak dengar cakap! Bila aku cakap ko bodoh, ko marah!

Itu one thing. Another thing is when I need help. Takde sapa nak tolong. Lagi cam sialan! Bila ko nak aku tolong, aku tolong. When it comes to my turn, bagi mcm-mcm reason. Middle finger. I learn my lesson. Bila aku susah, sume lari. Fcuk gila!

Sigh.

Im really sorry. I dunno. I juz. Gosh. I really out of control la. Puas saba agaknya. Tapi x meletup in real pn. Meletup dalam blog ni je. I cried. I geram sangat till I cried. I tried call them but they never pick up the phone. All I want is somebody who can cool me down. After bathe, I try to relax and I ask one of my friend. When I told bout it, suddenly replied me "im sorry. I gtg". Walao. At first I go like WTF? Then, I feel like. Gosh. Even my own boyfriend never pick up my call?

Lagi WTF kan?

A few minutes later, I got text frm my friend.

"I really feel bad for ditching you. Just take a deep breathe and relax alright? I'll talk to you someday. Goodnight"

I feel better sikit I guess? Come on la! When you marah, mesti you nak someone cool you down kan? Then Ariff show up. I told him about it. As a boyfriend, he did his duty. He try to cool me down but sometimes klua jugak soalan ngek dia tu. Lagi la aku berasap kan? Tapi he did give me some idea hw to solve it walaupun x menjadi -___-

Still, the problem x solve lagi.

Whatever la. Im okay skit kot? But I just scared later I get emo again. Haiz =(

chapter 216 : Don't let me go.

2010-03-15T00:50:00.004+08:00

I wish I were with someone who could bring peace to my heart—someone with whom I could spend a little time without being afraid that I would lose him the next day.

I am so fucking down right now. Sigh. It kinda spoil my mood. Or maybe my day? Just now im editing my photos with him but then when I saw "something". I just. Gahhh. I just closed the picture and here I am. Blogging.

I played the song like a 50 times. Danity Kane - Stay with me. Thanks to lil cause he remind me of this song. Its quite long kot I didnt hear this song. So, I just played it over and over again. The lyrics is very nice (Y).

That is how I feel right now. I really have no idea what im doing with my life. Im so lifeless, people. Yes, I am! I feel so empty. Can you fill the emptiness inside of me?

You know what?
You really should not say I love you unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. So, say I love you to me a thousand times per day! Can you do it for me? Im sure you cant!

Tahla. I just want your attention. Tu je. Why so hard? :(

chapter 215 : I do not want to think about you

2010-03-14T20:22:00.003+08:00

Aww. This really made me smile (:
Him: So, what will you be doing for the rest of your life?
Her: I don't know.
Him [getting down on one knee]: Wanna spend it with me?

As I said, should be hari ni main layang-layang dengan sis kan? Tapi x jadi cause hujan. Ek elen. Hujan setakat kul 4.30pm till 5.30pm x kan tu pun x jadi? YES! Memang x jadi. DIU! LOL! Bengang gila okay?

Me : Atul, jom la main layang-layang. Dah x ujan la. Jom la.
Sister : Ala, Atul nak tengok raja lawak ni. X tengok lagi final nye.
Me : WTF? Kan dah plan nak main layang-layang!
Sister : Ala, kita main next week la. Kita gi Saturday. Saturday x hujan
Me : (Dalam hati, mcm ko tau je sabtu tu x ujan? -__- ) Eeeee. Benci laaaa!
Sister : Lagipun dah kul 6. Nanti dapat main sekejap je. We go next week la.
Me : DIU! Benci gila kat ko!!

So yeh. X jadi :(

Went to Hartamas with sister and had dinner kat sana. Sambil makan, she tokin bout her boyfriend. Damn, I hate her boyfriend, seriously. I dunno. Maybe cause of his attitude I think? That kind of guy, woo. Sooo not my type. LOL.

Sister : Ko rasa ada x perempuan lain buat cam mana yang aku buat kat dia?
Me : Ada. Perempuan bodoh cam ko je yang buat mcm ko buat skrg ni =_____=
Sister : Apa plak bodoh? Betul la. Tapi dia x pernah nak hargai. Xda rasa nak appriciate aku.
Me : Well, aku pun pernah jadi bodoh cam ko gak dulu. But wait. Now pun aku rasa aku bodoh jugak :(
Sister : Dia x pernah pun nak fikir pasal aku.
Me : Uhm. Yeah. Dia pun x pernah fikir pasal aku. Uhm. Ada ke dia fikir? Or xda? :(
Sister : Dia kata aku ungkit-ungkit. Aku bukan ungkit tapi aku nak dia sedar.
Me : Hmm. Lelaki ni susah la. Dorang x paham apa hint yang kita bagi. Lembab kan. Dorang memang cmtu. Kita maksudkan lain, dia ingat benda lain.
Sister : Tahla. Then what should I do?
Me : Ko buat bodoh je. Move on la. Asyik ko je terhegeh kat dia. Nnt pandai-pandai dia la cari ko.
Sister : Kalau dia x cari?
Me : Trust me. He will. Cause I face it before (:

Its been 2 days. No wait. Its been 1 week. My sis and I had boys conversation. Currently she having a problem with her boyfriend. So do I. Kot? LOL. Haiz. Tahla. Boys are lame. Oppsy. Hahaha.

chapter 214 : Everyone is always “fine" ..

2010-03-13T23:43:00.001+08:00

.. Myself included.

Whenever someone asked me how I’m doing, without even thinking, I reply “I’m fine”.

But I am not.

I am lonely. I am hurt. I am bruised. I am heart broken. I am shattered. I am depressed. I am alone. I am wondering why there is so much pain in the world. I am wondering what it takes to be enough. I am wondering what it takes to be beautiful. I am wondering if I’ll ever be able to live the life that I am destined to live.

Haiz :(

chapter 213 : Nothing much.

2010-03-13T04:32:00.005+08:00

sister : A'yeen ~
me : pe? -___-
sister : A'yeen ~ A'yeen
me : peee? =="
sister : A'yeen ~ hihihi.
me : wtf? =___=

We went to Desa Park City. Hohoho. I never been there before. Hahaha. That is so gay? LOL. So yeh. The taman very nice la. So nice and I saw lots of shuai ge. Hahaha. Lots of dogs too =x Yela, dorg bawak their own pet jalan-jalan kan? Heee.

Tomorrow, we going to Manjalara pulak and nak main layang-layang. Yay yay! Triple YAY! Excited nyaaa. Hahaha. Kinda miss Tyra cause she away to PD but heh. Bukannya lama pun. Esok she balik la but still, I miss you, bitch :(

Oh btw, I went to Audi event this evening and yeh I advanced to quarter final on next saturday. Heee.

I really have no idea what to write dah. Thats all for now x.x

chapter 212 : Screw Audi !

2010-03-12T12:56:00.002+08:00

AuditionSEA will held an event on 13 March! Okay, should be on the 13 March. But then tadi when I open the website, tetiba kua list ni la kan. So okay la. I tengok-tengok ada my name. Okay good. Then, when I read back, why suddenly 06 March? LIKE WTF? Sial la. Bukan ke dia mention 13 March? Buktinya . .

The thing iswhy qualifying dia on the 06 March? If 06 March, dah lepas la kan? WTF IS THIS? Stupid audi! Bodoh. Aku bengang la ni kan! If dorang dah buat on the 06, rasa cam waste gila la aku tunggu event ni kan? Cam bodo la. Excited kot nak join event ni?

Plus, Tyra got same room with me. If you click larger image, u will see Tyra's IGN just bawah my IGN. U know, I dah plan dah my time nak bangun kul bpe then nak klua nak lepak kul bpe sume just fr this event okay? I dah plan everything! N now what? Screw audi la. ZZZZZZZZZ.

Lepas tu mode dia dah la senang. 8k. Lagu plak senang nak mati! Gosh. Rugi gila kot if da lepas? Cause I know that I can win. Wahh. Riak plak. Tapi if same room ngn Tyra, memang kena fight la kan. Hahaha. I still remembered when I went to an event then I got same room with Tyra. Woo. Happy la jugak tapi rasa cam cuak ah cause takut kalah ngn minah ni je. Hahaha.

But in the end, dua-dua qualified untuk next round. F- owning the room kot time tu? LOL! Ok back to the story, memula tu before I x prasan the date tu, I said to Tyra yang I dapat same room dengan dia. Then she said, macam la dia leh g kan cause she gonna go to PD tomorrow. Sadly, im not gonna join them. Idk. Ask dad. His reason - busy. Diu! zzz.

If Tyra ada, baru nak F- fam own the room kan? LOL! Tapi. Iskk. I dont know la. See how la esok. Ada ke x. Sigh.

chapter 211 : Same old story, not much to say.

2010-03-12T00:22:00.003+08:00

Hello, peeps!
Farah is back. Hell yeah! (:

Seriously, my connection is acting like a bitch! Sorry if I agak lambat reply all your blogwalking ke, comment ke or whatever shiit la kan. LOL. Uhm. Im doing good people. Yes, I am! Glad to hear that? LOL. Im doing good. Like really damn fcuking good. Hah! Get me? LOL.

Im really sorry sorry and sorry to all my followers cause I didnt update my blog like 1 week already kan? Last post was on 1st march. LOL! So, Farah is back. And guess what? My nuffnang account changed to an "Ordinary Account" LOL! Thats sound soo nice. Right guys? Hahaha. So, I need your help! Help me! Yeh! Help me to get back my gliteratti title! I need that cause I wanna earn more moneyy! Yes baby! More money! LOL.

Oh for your information, im working at the Menara Star. Its been 2 week I dekat sana dah. And so far so good. I like the job and the people too! Well, baru-baru keje mesti la semua tnjuk baik kan? Lol. Ive no mood to story panjang-panjang. Nanti la dekat next chapter, alright? Btw, im not in a good mood. Mood swings. Idk why? Period is coming maybe? LOL. Oh wait. I dun think so. Lambat lagi kot. Oh crap. Why we tokin bout this? Heh -__-

I will try my best to blogging again and try to update more. Heee. Like the old times. Uhm. I miss the old times. Rindunyaaaaaaaaaaaaa. HAHAHA. Oh oh, on this Saturday, im planning to go to the Matta Fair 2010. Planning to go there with my sistah. And tomorrow also she gonna join me lunch. Weee. Shes coming to Star! I will try to take some photos. So, just wait for the next update. Heee.

Thats all for now I guess. Ni jela yang I boleh summarize at the moment. Hahas. See ya.

chapter 210 : Sometimes, I still need you.

2010-03-12T00:11:00.002+08:00

I need someone to prove to me that I’m worth it, really worth it to them. Maybe all I need is a person who can show me that everyone is not the same. Honestly, I thought you were that person but I was wrong.

Is it too much to ask for someone to take a risk on me, to fight for me, to actually care enough to not let something go; the way I did for you? You never even thanked me. I acted the way I did because I cared. I didn’t realize it then, but I do now.

I don’t do that for just anyone. so, call me crazy, but today.. today I realized that I can’t keep waiting for you. I’m moving on, I can’t stay in one place waiting. I can’t be around you anymore. I’m not over it, I don’t get over things fast, I never have, no matter how much I try and convince myself. I’ll see you around sometime.

I keep thinking maybe somehow, something will click and everything will go back to the way it was in the beginning. Maybe we could go back to that, but too much has been said and done. So, maybe you’ll get one more chance from me, maybe you won’t.

Think about it, young man :)

chapter 209 : absolutely nothing to you

2010-03-11T23:50:00.003+08:00

Im trying to sleep but the voices in my head are too loud and im remembering all these things that I've done. So I turn to my side and face the wall and breathe slowly. Close my eyes, open them, close them once more.

I see his face now. You know the boy I told you about. Now I know I wont be able to sleep. I suppose this is why most people are insomniacs, the voices wont go away, the memories keep coming back, and people haunt them in the darkness of the night.

I turn the lights on, sit on the edge of my bed and cry. Just a little bit, just to make it easier to breathe. I turn the lights off and try to sleep again. Its going to be a long night.

I think the problem is that I’m stuck waiting for him to do something, to make a move, to say the perfect thing. And the problem is that I shouldn’t be that girl, the one who sits and waits for him. I should be independent.

I should think clearly and consistently without having my mind jump straight back to him. Yeah, falling for someone like that is the hardest thing to do. And the stupidest thing is that the thing standing in my way is fear of losing him, the fear of rejection, the fear that I might lose a friend that means everything to me.

I want to be everything to him, but I’m not. I’m not the kind of girl he needs, and I’ll never be that girl cause you know the answer :)

chapter 208 : I would love it

2010-03-11T22:41:00.003+08:00

I would love it,

if you tell me I love you right now.
if you tell me I love you right now and mean it with all your heart.
if you tell me that I’m beautiful every day.
if you webcam me.
if you randomly send me messages to cheer me up.
if you sneak up from behind and kiss me on the cheek.
if you stay up with me all night so that I wouldn’t have to rush out my report alone.
if you randomly send me a text saying that you miss me.
if you would watch horror movies with me and be scared with me.
if you would hold my hand in front of your friends.
if you will treat me as if I were your one and only.
if you would spend time with me, just talking about anything and everything.
if you would watch the sunrise and sunset with me.
if you would accompany me when I run errands.
if you would give me wake up calls.
if you hug me from behind.
if you let me sleep in your arms.
if you allow me to drag you shopping.
if you gave me a heart shaped balloon.
if you treat the time we spend together as if it’s our last.
if you tickle me until we both collapse with laughter.
if you showed up at my house with a bouquet of roses.
if you whisper into my ear.
if you would play the guitar and serenade me.
if you jumped on my back, and made me give you a piggy back ride.
if you hug me and lift me off the ground.
if you taught me how to do some of your favourite hobbies.
if you slept in my arms.
if you kissed my neck.
if you kissed me on the cheek.
if you kissed me tenderly on the lips.
if you make a list of what you love me doing for you.
if you make a list of what you love doing for me.
if you stargazed with me.
if you show me where your ticklish spot is.
if you take me to your house to have a meal with your family.
if you cook for me.
if you listen to my favourite music with me.
if you would take photobooth pictures with me.
if you would act silly with me.
if you got matching rings for us.
if you made a shoutout to me on my favourite radio channel.
if you stole me for a day just to take me out to have a good time.
if you put on my makeup for me, just for fun.
if you visited me at school and held me.
if you could make me smile for no apparent reason.
if you fell asleep on the phone with me and mumbled “I love you”.
if you would grab my fat and yell “Hello, wobbly bits!”
if you took care of me when I was sick.
if you come over to my house in the middle of the night just to have a glimpse of me because you missed me.
if you took me on an adventure.
if you helped me pick out clothes.
if you wrote love letters to me.
if you cared for me with all your heart.
if you loved my flaws.
if you give me a reason everyday why you love me.
if you give me the courage to keep moving forward, because you know I need a little push.
if you lean in when I talk just because you want to be near me, and not because you didn’t hear me. Because we both know you did.
if you could see that you’re the love of my life.
if you knew how much I love you.

Sigh.

chapter 207 : Away from here.

2010-03-01T00:14:00.003+08:00

IM AWAY!

Im away from blogging.
I'll be back soon.
Dont miss me, honey.

chapter 206 : Tears can express feelings easier than words

2010-02-26T22:53:00.002+08:00

Jealous. Hated. Mistreated. Untrusted. Unwanted. Lonely. Sad. Hurt. Not loved. Never good enough. Bitter angry. Sad. Confused. Fake. Attacked. Insignificant. Broken. Hurt. Lost. Fallen. Small pain. Hopeless. Longing. Bored. Tired. Dead. Searching confusion. Mislead. Despair. Dead. Away. Gone. Isolated. Trapped. Widow. Vacant. Grief. Depression. Sulky. Heartbroken. Down. Unwanted. Reject. Hurt. Blur. Forgotten. Left behind. No good. Bad. Heartless
ALONE

chapter 205 : I'm so selfish and it's starting to show

2010-02-23T22:51:00.004+08:00

I sort of just feel like dying today.

12.00pm
I heard the alarm and I switch it off. Urgh. 12 dah? Yawns. Im so sleepy and poof. Back to sleep again.

1.34pm
Suddenly, I open up my eyes and I go WTF? Sakitnya perutt.. Sigh. I try to sleep back but I cant. It very painfull. I cant even get up! Urghh. Damnit. I need to ..... I just dont have the energy to get up. Sigh.

2.10pm
Walao. Why sakit perut sangat ni?? Okay now I get it. Im having my period pain. Try to tahan and try to get up. Almost half an hour in the toilet and then I sleep back. Tired -__-

4.20pm
What the .... Almost 5?! Okay, I think I should go bathe right now. Dad keep nagging his lappy cant turn on. Just throw it away, dad. Soon boleh la on tu -__- Went to bathe and I ignore his nag. Whatever. Im not gonna help you this time -__-

I had my breakfast at 5.30pm. HAHAHA! Cornflakes and fresh milk so yummy. So, I had my hi-tea around 7pm and dinner at 10 sumthing. LOL! But I still prefer KokoCrunch and honey star. Im gonna buy it when I finish the stupid cornflakes.

Well, nothing much today. I went to an event but sadly I didnt get into finals. Layak kat semi finals je. Lol. Uhm, just now got 1 chinese guy. I really have no idea what is wrong with him. Like come on la. You're noob. So act noob la kan? LOLOL! Dah kalah, anyhow scold people kan? Chill la bro. It just a game -__-

This is an example when a world star level lose to a pro level like me. LOL! Heh. I wonder why your level so high but you so noob? People help you to do the damn stupid license issit? LOL! Well, I know you wont read my blog but nevermind at least I feel satisfied. Hahas.

Wah. Riak, bongkak, angkuh semua ada kan? LOL. Who cares. Sigh. Ive no mood ler. Haiz.

Currently, im listening to What a wonderful world by Louis Armstrong. LOL! The song kinda peacefull. When I hear it, rasa aman dowh? Hahaha. Funneh.

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Kalaulah hidup ini indah =/

chapter 204 : Tomoshi Lukashikarikinto

2010-02-23T03:25:00.003+08:00

I never met Dian in real life. I think shes the one who drop by at my blog and said Hi? LOL. I just love to read her blog. Seriously. First, because her layout. Her layout so clean and suci just like me. LOL. And her entry. Really interesting. Hehehe.

So, I found this from her blog. My japanese name. Well, I wonder what is my japanese name. Here is the alphabets.

a - ka -- f - lu -- k - me -- p - no -- u - do -- z - zi
b - tu -- g - ji -- l - ta -- q - ke -- v - ru
c - me -- h - ri -- m - rin -- r - shi -- w - mei
d - te -- i - ki n - to -- s - ari -- x - na
e - ku -- j - zu -- o - mo --t - chi -- y - fu

N - to
O - mo
R - shi

F - lu
A - ka
R - shi
A - ka
H - ri
I - kin
N - to

Tomoshi Lukashikarikinto

What a weird name. LOL. But I like Tomoshi. Sounds good huh? Hehe. So, I think you guys should try it. Its kinda fun. Heee xD

chapter 203 : All those lovers are liars

2010-02-22T19:15:00.003+08:00

Im not looking for a lover. All those lovers are liars

Yes they are (:
I had msn with Paan and he just admit that all boys are liars. Wanna see the proof? Here I show you.

Paan ;; Me

dun mention his name la
-_-
boys sume sama
ske menipu
tau pun
apa yg dia tipu btw?
HAH!
ko pn admit boys ske menipu!
DUHHh,
da aku boys.
bagus la

Because I have alot of broken heart experiences, at one point I told my friend "Hey, kau jangan ingat boyfriend kau tu baik sangat lah. Lelaki ni sume kaki penipu. Jangan sampai dia tipu kau. Baru padan muka kau."

Yes, I know im not a good friend but I just wanna let them know that never crazy in love with your partner. Its not good. You give them your trust but one day im sure and I bet you they will break your trust into a million pieces. Trust me. I face this problem like a million times.

Nothing gonna change my mind. For me, boys are all the same. There are no different. Tiada lelaki yang baik and tiada lelaki yang jahat. Semua sama. That's it. You wanna change it? Come. Meet me face to face and show me the real man! Make me change my mind then! I dont even trust my own boyfriend. Why? He break the rules -__-

I’m not going to spend my life chasing people. You wanna leave? Fine then, go ahead. Cause im done with chasing and caring for people who never had interest in me. Nothing lasts and people change. I’ve learned love is hard and life is strange.

Still remember im finding a love. real love. ridiculous. inconvenient. consuming. cant-leave-without-each-other love?

~~SCRATCH THAT!~~

Im not gonna find it anymore! I had enough with what Im going through right now! Im sick and tired with dramas! I hate drama and you know that :'[
Give me my heart back, forget all of the pain. I'm so sick and tired of playing your game.

I will never show you my pain. I will never let you see me cry. Cause I know you never care at all :)

chapter 202 : You're not who you used to be

2010-02-22T18:05:00.003+08:00

Unlike other people, I find it hard for me to eat when I'm upset or unhappy. Instead, I sleep away the sadness or the anger, and let time cool me off. Like just now, im having my lunch but then when I found out something, that thing really make me lost my appetite.

I started to cry. The tears rolled down. I dunno why im crying? Issit because im so angry or? Now I know. Im not angry but I just feel dissapointed. Yes, im so dissapointed on you. And now what I have to do is I need to stop giving someone my whole self, if I keep getting nothing in return.

I think I should love myself first before I want to love someone else. Im having a bad broken heart right now. And im sure no one can fix it. No one. Maybe I dont deserved to be happy. Cause every time I get the happiness it wont stay long. Sooner or later it will fade away. And this is it. It happen to me right now.

Stop asking me to cheer up. Stop saying everything is gonna be alright. Stop telling me everything! I dont wanna hear anything. Stop it, please. Im begging you. Please. Stop it! I cant take it anymore. Oh god. Why im so blind? You show me the hint but im so blind till I cant see it. Why im so stupid? Why I never learn the lesson? God damnit! Screw this! Fish this! Arghhhh!

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless circles

While im sad-ing, Tyra sent me this song. Thanks, Tyra. The song keep playing like a thousand times. I hear it over and over again. Gahhh. I really have no clue. Im totally lost.

Tyra ;; Me

good la. time aku period
sume ni happen kan?
BROKEN HEART AGAIN!
erk, sabar weyh
haih
dia tu asyik sorok2 je :/
ko tau x
aku perasaan marah pn dah xda
nak nangis pn dah xda
so cam.
tah sume dah mati
u knw
so..
yeah..
Hahas
haih. baru je baik ..
what the
means dia dah together dgn ..... tuu ?!
dia speechless ke
haih
yeah
at least tell la kan ..
aku nak kene siap gi tuition
ltr mlm aku onn
kita talk
why he doin dis
hmm
sabar lah

i dunno what to say ....
speechless ....

.....

chapter 201 : Lifestyle.

2010-02-21T23:34:00.002+08:00

While waiting for the food.

Sister : Aku dah agak dah. 3 girls kat bawah tu mesti smoking. Tengok cara dia dress pun dah boleh agak.
Farah : (Sambil pandang ke bawah and give this face O.O) Oh, biasa lah tu. Macam la ko x tau.
Sister : Yela, pakai sexy-sexy camtu. Confirm smoking. Tu.
Farah : (Lihat balik dekat 3 girls) Oh, aku pakai camtu pun ko nak kata aku smoking jugak la? Ur head -_-
Sister : Errr. (Terdiam sudah)
Farah : Tapi an, dlu time aku kat sch. Dorg sume ingat aku smoke. Padahal aku x -_- Maybe they see my attitude. They way I act so they tot I take drugs and all the stupid stuff. Bodoh la. Im still waras. Im not like them -____-"
Sister : Yelah, kalo girl yang gi clubbing tu sure dia drink and amek drugs tu sume.

A few minutes later...

On the way back home.

Sister : Boyfriend aku punya mak kan, dia xske if girl tu color-color rambut. Macam x baik lah.
Farah : (Dalam hati, WTF?) Oi, habis aku ni color rambut x baik la? (Bidas balik) Ko ingat girl yang pakai tudung tu semua baik? Yang rambut hitam berkilat semua baik? Dorg lagi jahanam adalah.
Sister : Eii. Ko dengar lah apa aku nak cakap dlu
Farah : Tah-tah dorang tu lagi teruk drpd kitorg yang color rambut ni.
Sister : Yelah, x semua macam tu. Tapi aku rasa secure la if mak dia cakap camtu. Aku rasa terjamin lah sikit.
Farah : Macam kitorg color rambut ni budak jahat pulak -_-
Sister : Even anak dia nak color rambut pun, mak dia x bagi. Baguslah camtu kan?
Farah : Color jelah. Pe salahnya? -__-
Trying to chill...

-______________________-"

chapter 200 : Don’t even know what we’re fighting for

2010-02-21T22:34:00.004+08:00

The guy ;; The girl

u alt f4 nv say gdBye?
dahla
xda mood i nak say pape
what ive done?
xda pape la
is there anythin wrong?
kalau xda menda x kena
xkan me blah mcm tu je
dah la
i nak g mandi
den? dats y i tny u
why?
my char afk kat inter 2

a few minutes later...

yeah. u on9 kejap. alt f4 just like dat?
i benggang
dun ask me y
bengang cause of me?
i xkan poof if xda sebab
i knw. dats y i come here and tok to u.
what ive done?
dun ask me
i tanak gado
so better i go
im just askin.
stop ask
i tanak jawab

Seriously, I dont understand boys! They're soo complicated. Weird and blablabla. I dont know. I just dont understand them and even my boyfriend too? Lols. I like those kinds of people who actually make an effort to keep a conversation alive :'[

In the end, I give up to force him and we just had a lil conversation like a normal one. The situation abit awkward for me but I think im doing good? Lols.

chapter 199 : I don't know what to do anymore

2010-02-19T02:26:00.001+08:00

click for larger image =(

IM SO FCUKING DOWN. Sigh. I spent most of my time with Tyra. And she draw me a picture. In the picture, im the one who crying and shes at the back trying to pujuk me. How sweet and cute. I wish hes the one who draw this. How sad? Haiz.

She trying her best to draw a rose for me but x menjadi. The flower doesnt look like a rose but still thanks Tyra. I really have no mood for blogging. I run out of ideas. And currently im sad-ing. Im not angry. I just feel dissapointed and upset. YES! IM SO DISSAPOINTED! The way u treat me. They way u treat me like .... Gahhh. Maybe you never bother at all?

Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I dunno. It just happened? Suddenly the tears rolled down by itself. I wipe it for a few times it still come out. Then I just let it go. Sigh. Why people so mean? =(

"I typed up "I love you" but then you signed off... is this fate telling me it's not meant to be?"

and this shit happened to me like a few times -_-

I wonder where is my prince? =/

chapter 198 : Mixed emotions are the worst emotions

2010-02-18T21:50:00.003+08:00

Hahaha. This picture made me LOLOL-ed.

Some people might be hard to reach me. Im sorry. And sorry again to Amilia. Should be im going to her house today but ........ Its hard to say. All I can say is im sorry, babe. Sigh.

Im not in a good mood. Mood swings nowadays. I dunno why. Sometimes im okay and sometimes im soooo not okay. Currently my mood is upside down. All I want is someone who can make me laugh for non-stop. Lols.

Big thanks to Tyra. She try to pujuk me and I think the pujukan menjadi? Abit la. Lols. I had msn with her and she give me a hug icon. Aww. That is so sweet. Hugs back* Im so lonely. Seriously I need someone to talk to. To laugh with. Hais. Life is getting so gayyy.

I still remembered I had msn with this one guy. So he asked me what up blablabla and he trying his best to cheer me up. Thats nice and lastly when we both gtg he give a hug icon. Aww. He is the first guy who give me that icon. Seriously wey. Lols. But I didnt reply him. I just ignore him. Maybe im sick of boy's attitude? I know he try to calm me but no thanks. Actually im waiting for someone else to do that =/

Last night, I received a miss called from this guy. Gosh. Now ure looking back for me or what?
Please leave me alone. I dont need you anymore =(

chapter 197 : Oh, bloggers.

2010-02-16T22:57:00.004+08:00

I don't want another Cinderella story. I don't even want a Twilight story. All I want is YOU & ME. ME & YOU. Together. Our own story. Our own....
Happy ending (:

Clap clap clap. Congratulations to Farah. She is one of the "Profail popular hari ini" AGAIN! Thanks, GengBlogger. Haha. At first, I didnt notice it. Seriously but then when Aidi said ,

Terniat plak di hati nak bukak GB. Lol. Then I scroll scroll. OHMAIGOSH! He just randomly said it or what? Haha.
Seriously, I never expect anything in my life. First time I joined GengBlogger I was like "Wow! He read 539 blogs in one day? Crazy sia!". Then I look at the Profail Popular and I think "They sure famous sia and must be very active". I was noob! Like really noob! I still remembered, Ariff who the one introduce me into GB.

Sadly, he didnt get any title cause he not really active. Lols. And yes, on the second day my cbox was very busy. I received alot of comment from them. That was nice and quite fun cause with that way we can get new friends. Heee. Yesterday, I went to Nuffnang and I look back my previous analytics. In one day, I got 559 viewers from different country and I think that is so cool and the next day it turn to 610 viewers! Im so proud with myself kot? Haha.

Sometimes I received comment from other people and they said I do have a nice blog, nice entry, and they just love to read my blog. Aww. To those who said that, you really make my day! Haha. Thanks people! As far as I know, my life is sooo not interesting but they still read my crap and im touched. Hahas. I just having a normal life like the others and as you all know, my post fulls with frustrated and all the stupid emo posts. Lols.

My body isnt perfect. I dont walk with confidence. I get into fights with my parent and friends. Some nights I'd rather be by myself than out partying. I cry over the smallest thing sometimes. There are days I through forced smiles and fake laughs. Sometimes I try to convince myself that things are okay when they're not. Im not ugly but im not beautiful. I dont look as good in real life as I do in pictures. There are some nights that I cry myself to sleep. I constantly think im not good enough. Im imperfect but im perfectly me.

Just like You (:

Thanks to Ariff and thanks to my followers, to my silent readers and fans? Eh, I got fans meh? Haha. Who knows? Silent fans ke? Haha. I really appriciate it. Somehows, you guys cheer me up. Thanks alot.

chapter 196 : Loving you may be wrong

2010-02-16T06:04:00.003+08:00

I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of heartaches. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling inadequate and helpless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of how insecured I am. I’m tired of how my emotion flies around like a rollar coaster ride. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of dramas. I’m tired of the world. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming a life I know I will never have. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of people walking out of my life. I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of lies. I’m tired of empty promises. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of wishing things could start all over again. I’m tired of being not okay. I’m tired wondering when I’m going to be happy.

I’m tired of being tired.

This is really straining me, I could hardly breathe.

I apologize if I'm giving up too easily. I just don't have the strength to fight anymore.

I need a love. real love. ridiculous. inconvenient. consuming.
cant-leave-without-each-other love.

chapter 195 : This beautiful world is filled with fucked up people

2010-02-16T05:06:00.003+08:00

Dear diary,

Tell her how you admire her. Always tell her you love her at all times, but never when your unsure yourself. When she’s upset hold her tight. Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with. Play with her hair, pick her up, tickle her and wrestle with her. Just talk to her, tell her jokes. Bring her flowers just because. Hold her hand and run, just to hold her hand. Throw pebbles at her window at night. Let her fall asleep in your arms.

Sing to her no matter how awful you sound. Get her mad at you and then kiss her. Push her on swings. Tell her she looks beautiful. When she’s sad stay on the phone with her, even if she’s not saying anything. Look into her eyes and smile. Kiss her on the forehead. Slow dance with her even if there is no music. Kiss her in the rain. But most of all, love her with everything you have.

Gahhh. Congratulations. You just ruined my mood. Here, a gold medal for you. Peace (middle finger)

Someone hug me please? =/

Im so down right now. I need someone to talk to who can hear my crap. Someone who can stay up for me. Someone who can cheer me up? Are you the one that im looking for? Sigh. My heart is fragile and im sensitive sometimes.

A message for you and YOU!

You. You boleh tak jangan bagi I serabut? Cukuplah. I had enough. Please?

And for you, we known each other quite long kan? Apa kata we exchange place, I jadi you, and you jadi me, so if I ask you the same question, how do you feel? Happy? Angry? Jealousy? Mad? Or you wanna kill me?

Im controlling myself now. Inhale. Exhale :'((

chapter 194 : The nonsense

2010-02-15T04:02:00.001+08:00

click for large image (:

Last night, I had msn with Lil and Tyra muncul after 3am? Wtf? Hahaha. Baru bangun tidur katanya. Nak kata sembahyang subuh, lmbt lg kot? Hahaha. I think Ariff muncul afta 5? LOL! Semua night owl. Hahas.

Since I got nothing to do, I google my address. HAHAHA. Click it people. And I found my area, so at the picture, you guys can see I color-ed my house with green apple color. Yeah. That is my house. Umah Tyra, sblh je. LOL. And to Shuko, aku still x try screen grab apa tah yg kita cite aritu an? Haha. Maybe later.

Well, nothing much today. I woke up kinda early at 12pm. LOL! It is early for me. Lols. Oh yeh, one more thing, remember my last post? I sleep early around 2.30am? The nex morning I woke up around 10AM! YES! AM! 10AM IN THE MORNING! HAH! Hahaha. Bangga okay? Lol. So, today I help my sis to clean up her room. After that, lipat kain. Wahhh. Ayu nye. Hahaha. Lol -_- And then I jahit her teddy bear cause that teddy nye hand almost putus dah and cacat already. LOL. Yes, Farah reti jahit and my sis said "Comelnya Ayin jahit!". Heh. Of course la. Owner dia pn comel? Hahaha.

Im not really okay. The virus is attack-ing me. Flu virus. The red one. So, I take medicine and the medicine kick the virus away. So, Farah is okay and abit sleepy cause of the medicine effect. Tyra text-ed me and as usual la dia nye question "x online ke?" LOL. So, I had audi with her today and congratulations to her. She won at the third place in Arena. Nice one. Thanks to me yang non-stop shake shake pompom? Hahaha.

I lose at the second round cause my sis KACAU me! Eh, why we tokin sal audi here? Hahaha.
Around 3, I pm-ed Tyra and she give me this and I go WTF? HAHA! After that, she give me this. Faint! Ko horny ke apa? Hahaha.

Around 9, I teach my sister how to make cupcakes. Heee. She want me to teach her. Nice. Jadi sifu hari ni. Haha. Today, abit diff cause I make chocolate flavour and yumm yumm. Sedap. Hehe. Aww. I didnt take any photos. I will upload them in the next chapter. The decoration abit simple cause we make only for fun? Hahas. And dad told me to sell cupcakes? Alahai. Bukan I dun wan to. Just that, im nt pro enough kot? Amateur lagi. Hahas.

chapter 193 : Whatever day

2010-02-14T02:36:00.007+08:00

I think I should lose some weight. Hmm. A few weeks ago, I text-ed dad and ask him to buy me a cadbury chocolate, the plain one. Yes! Plain! I dun like it mix wit hazel nuts, fruits or whatever. The plain one is nicer. Lols. After a few weeks beli, barulah I nak makan chocolate tu? LOL. Its been years I didnt buy cadbury. Seriously. And now im kinda stress, so I started to eat all the sweet sweet thingy like cadbury chocolates, cakes and ice-creams. Wow, its not good tho. Really. I think I should stop take them from now on?

Aww. I love the cover! So cutee. The cover is for Valentine's day and I didnt buang the cover. I keep it. Hahaha. Quite cute. Oh, before its too late. I wanna wish ;;

Happy Valentine's day!
and
Happy Chinese New Year!

Uhm. I know, its kinda late. I should put "belated" but who cares? Haha. This post was in my draft but I really dun have much time to post it. Kinda busy. Yeh rite busy -_- as I said, I have no mood, people! LOL! So, its valentine's day? Like I said before, I had my V day alone. Lols. Oh, this afternoon, I went to one of my relative's wedding but I didnt see Tyra? I only saw his brother? But she told me, she saw me? She only saw my car! WTF? Hahaha. And she complain the daging is too oily blablablabla. Byk cekadak la. Ko kahwin nnt, aku complain. Hahaha.

So, I went back home around 2.30pm kot? Cant remember. And I had audi with Lil and Tyra till 5pm. Oh, before that. I called Ariff and he just act like normal? Like nothing happen? -_- If I tau jadi camni, I should use your money beli McD aritu? -_- I didnt ask anything. I never ask, "I think we should go out kan today?" Never! Cause I wanna know whether he still remembered what he said or not and yes. He mmg x ingat and that's make me sakit hati sal McD. Humph! -_-

After 5, I pei my sis to Jusco Kepong. Danish and Leesya joined us too. Went to Jusco for what eh? I also cant remember! Hahaha! Ohh yeah. Sis looking for sun shade. Yes yes. After she bought it, we went to Jusco and looking for a drink bottle for her boyfie. Alahai. Botol air pun ko nak belikan. Gedik. Haha. Okay, maybe that is sweet but ..... Humph. First first couple mmg cmni kan? Haha. After that, off to Jalan Kuching and we had dinner kat sana.

I watched Raja Lawak and x lawak langsung. LOL! I had audi kinda early maybe around 10 something kot? Btw, this is the screenshort for petang tadi.

This is a screenshot for Valentine's day yang x jadi. Hahaha. The move x jadi. I mean. the move jadi but the time xjadi! Haha. Maybe I ss quite late kot? And orang tu punya ss button tertanggal. LOL! Tyra pn sama. Her "enter" key pn tertanggal jugak. LOL. Ganas tul korang ni. I scared, my space bar plak tertanggal nnt. Nak press use "Ctrl" mmg x best la.

And again, im planning to update after I finished audi but I didnt update. All the post save in draft. Hahaha.

chapter 192 : Oh, sister!

2010-02-13T23:45:00.002+08:00

Hello, how are you? (:

Hahaha. The truth is in real life I do wear glasses =p but not always cause I hate to wear it. Lols. So, im back again, people? Hahaha. Macam biscuit plak. Kejap ada kejap xda. Lol. Im really sorry. Lately I've no mood to blogging. Aww. Sobs. I dunno why. Maybe I run out of idea? =(

Oh, tomorrow is valentine's day =/

Saturday. I went to Midvalley with my sister. Uhm, its been long time I didnt went to Midvalley. So far nothing is change only they do have Chinese New Year's decoration at the Center Court? But I didnt take any photos cause the decoration not really nice. Hahaha. Oops. Lol. We off to Midvalley around 3pm. I woke up at 1pm and I need 2 hours to get ready. Haha. Biasalah girls. Kan kan? Lols.

I watched "Warung Kita" at Prima channel yesterday and they had nasi ayam for their lunch. Aww. Yummy yummy. Dah lama jugak x makan nasi ayam =( So, I called my sister and I told her I wanna eat nasi ayam. The place is located at Keramat which abit far from my place. Plus, I dont even know where it is? Lol. Since we dunno where issit, we had our nasi ayam at the Chicken Rice Shop. Hahaha. Sama jugak kan? Nasi ayam jugak. LOL. Well, I heard from the others, The Chicken Rice Shop is non-Halal. Issit? o.o I never know that? I dunno la. People yang cakap but I nampak je tanda Halal tu? Lol.

Heee. Yummy yummy. Finally I had nasi ayam setelah sekian lama? LOL. Actually, we went to Midvalley cause Fadzli's wedding is on this sunday (Valentine's day). So, sister plan nak beli gift fr Fadzli wedding la. And guess what? We bought cutlery set fr him. Hahaha. That is so lame? -_- Its cheap wey! Hahaha. And and sis bought dis one thing for her boyfriend sempena Vtine's day. Heh. Cant describe la what thing. But, when you ketuk that thing an, 1 sound will come out and it says "Muacks! I love you!" LOL! So cuteee! xD

We on the way back home and this two pictures, I took it around 7-ish and guess what? X nampak langsung nak gelap kan? Cerah je. LOL. Lately, panas la. I wonder why? Sometimes I cant feel the aircond inside my room. So, I have to turn on the aircond and the fan too! =x

So, I reach home around 8 something and terus POOF! Super duper tired. Haha. I didnt get enough sleep nowadays. The kids are here. So yeh. They always "Maksu, maksu. Bangun la. Bangun la Maksu". Wtf? -_- I woke up around 11pm and I went to desktop. Planning nak update blog but maybe i still in sleepy mode, so yeah. I really have no idea what to write =x

Went to audi for 1 game then I off. Went to audi AGAIN and I bought fam channel for 6 hours and guess what? I didnt do any tag. Hahaha. Planning to do solo tag but cannot find tagger. So yeah. I sleep kinda early? Around 2.30am =p
Its a new record for me. I online and I had 1 game. Choreo mode plak tu. Haha. And I sleep early. Nice nice. Lols.

chapter 191 : Stalking can be a really tiring thing

2010-02-12T05:44:00.000+08:00

To those who non stop spamming at my cbox, keep reading my blog and here I give you a paper bird with heart on it. HAHAHA.

Actually the post title is for Paan. LOL! But, to all bloggers. Please gimme some time to reply all your Hello, Blogwalking, Nuff zz and other stuff. Currently, my connection is abit slow. Damnit. Feel like I wanna throw it away but wait. Cannot be. Cannot Cannot. Haha.

I will reply all your comment as soon as possible but hey, I do have a life too. Hahas. My cbox already turn 2 or 3 pages that I have to reply. Sigh. Tak boleh tangguh lagi dah =(

chapter 190 : Screw valentine's day!

2010-02-12T01:42:00.001+08:00

My fcuking life =_=

Oh, its friday baby! And valentine is coming! Weee =/ Hahaha. Who wanna ask me for a date on this sunday? Raise your hand. Heee. Anyone wanna give a try? Aww. Come on! Be gentle, people. Dun be shy. Farah wont bite you. Hahaha. Gosh. Gedik -_-

Im really tired. Seriously, im exhausted! I didnt get enough sleep today even I woke up around 3pm? Sigh. Seriously. I slept at 7am in the morning. Around 9 something I received a phone call from Menara Star and guess what baby? Im gonna start working on the 1st March. Whooo Hooo. Clap clap clap. Congratulations Farah. Nanti I belanja you makan, alright? Heee. Okay, while talking im pretending to have a nice and fresh voice so that she didnt realize yang I still sleeping kan? Hahaha. After that, I poof again.

Around 11 something, I got text from Hotlink. Damn it la! I benci bila Hotlink yang bagi msg =/ I nak orang lain. Hahaha. So, I sleep again. Around 12pm. My alarm -_- Fk la. Idk who the heck yang gi on kan alarm tu? But I think it was me? =/ Planning nak wake up early? X nak jodoh lari? Hahaha. So, I sleep again. Then, Ariff drop by at my house. Gahhh! Berzaman la aku nak tido kan? Gosh. Tido arini sungguh terganggu x.x And that's it! Around 3pm, I decided to bathe.

Sis called me and ask to pei her tonight cause her friend, sooo called abang fadzli? LOL. Yeh rite. Abang? Ewww. Gay -_- Yeah, she wanna go to Fadzli house tonight at Rawang semata-mata nak hantar sabun. Faint. Okay, no problem. Its fine with me since I got nothing to do kan? Oh btw, for married people kan. If baru kahwin, hadiah apa nak bagi? Any ideas anyone? Please drop me some comment. Thanks. So, back to the story. Beside that, I had audi and I did solo tag but oni for awhile cause its so damn lag in audi. Idk its me or the server yang lag? Sigh. I stop audi around 7pm and I watched tv till I fall asleep. Hahaha.

Sis woke me up around 8pm. And I get ready to go to Rawang. Gahh. Sure tidur dalam keta ni. Ngantuk gila. Faint. Reach Rawang around 10.30pm. Then off to Fadzli house. So, tengok-tengok album kahwin dia. Quite nice but still I dun like ur wife's attitude. Right sis? Opps? Sorry. Its a fact, baby. I think you know what I mean if you're read this but I dun think you read my blog and I guess you dont even know that I have a blog? LOL!

Reach KL around 12am and yes I had audi for 2 or 3 rounds with Paan and Erfan which oni for 2 or 3 moves? Haha. LOL. Gila bosan. I try to update but I really dunno what to write. So, I think thats all for today kot? Yeah. Nothing much la. My life is gay. Xda benda yang interesting pun. Hahas.

Hmmphh =/

chapter 189 : I wish.

2010-02-11T01:32:00.001+08:00

Reasons why a lot of girls love Edward Cullen ♥

A normal guy would say: “I love you.”
Edward would say: “You are my life now.”

As you leave the house..
A normal guy would say: “Bye! See you!”
Edward would say: “Hurry back to me.”

While you’re gone far away..
A normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
Edward would say: “It’s like you’ve taken my whole self with you.”

If you died..
A normal guy would find another girl.
Edward would kill himself ‘cause life without you is not worth living.

but Edward Cullen is a fictional character, & will always be..

I wish if I have a boyfriend who have Edward Cullen's character. He really took my breathe away. Faint.

chapter 188 : Cupcake part II

2010-02-10T00:56:00.002+08:00

"You should never listen to a woman who just had her heart broken."
- Desperate Housewives

But thank you, followers. No matter what im going through, you guy are always here. Thanks alot. I luff lufff luffffff all of you ♥

Oh hello people (:
IM BACK! Weeee.

Im sorry I didnt update this 2 days. Ive been busy. Wahh. REALLY busy man. Hahaha. Actually, the day before yesterday, I made cupcakes for me.

click for larger image, people (:

This time, 2 cupcake hangus. HAHAHA! X perasan la. Penat gila okay? :'((

I got nothing to update actually. Hahas. Lately no mood for blogging. I dunno why. But thinking of nuffnang, maybe I should blogging back. If not, waste je kan? Hmmph.. Nothing much la for now (:

See ya in the next chapter (:

xoxo ♥

chapter 187 : You still mean a lot to me.

2010-02-09T23:53:00.002+08:00

"Why you nak touching-touching pulak? Tah tah dia kata sana tgh happy-happy and you kat sini nak emo-emo?"

"You relax jela. Tak payah nak emo. Buat cam normal je"

Rasa cam nak reply ;; "YOUR HEAD!"

But I just replied ;; "Im not touching la!". Saja nak cover. Padahal memang terasa time tu.

Argh. FUCK. Kalau lah boleh tunjuk middle finger kat depan dia time tu. Sumpah terasa gila? Boleh dia advice kat aku mcm tu? X guna!

@!#$%$%$%$RCC@V%@#$ !!!

Im so broken up. I didnt left you. Really. Just, I cannot stand it. I rasa mcm ..... Sigh. I run away not because I want to get away from you, but I want you to catch me.

I need a vacation D:

Im always torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone to let them know exactly what is in my head and keeping it to myself. The problem is being outwardly unhappy and consistently so pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen there is only so much even your best friends can listen too. On the otherhand to pretend that everything is fine is to poison yourself from the inside out. It is to ignore who you are and lose yourself. So which is better? To have friends that think you are melodramatic, seeking attention, and possimistic or to drown in your own mind? I honestly dont know =/

This is exactly how I feel. Sigh. It hurts, you know? It hurts me alot :'((

My heart was cut deep and cast aside, & I’m so sick of this headache. Even if I beg on my knees, pound my chest, and cry, what was never to happen will not happen. Everytime she says she's okay, but she's going insane. She says she feels good, but she's going through a lot of pain. She says its nothing, but it's really everything. She says she's fine, but she's really not.

ㅠ________________________ㅠ brb crying my heart out.

chapter 186 : You don't need me.

2010-02-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I miss being in relationships.
because I miss the times loving someone,

because I miss the times pinching someone,

because I miss the times kissing someone,

because I miss the times resting my head on someone’s shoulder,

because I miss those moments.

actually, I cared that I have to celebrate valentine’s day alone this year.

I really care =/

It kills me to know you're online but isn't talking to me. I guess it just takes time to realize I don't mean anything to you anymore... or maybe never really did. Sigh.
Goshh. I dun even have any mood to do anything! I keep stare at the screen for NOTHING! This is gayyyyyyy. So gayy. A few hours ago. I feel so happy but why you take it away? You're jealous don't you?!

I need someone.

My formspring is lonely. Sigh. Cheer us up? formspring

Just now Paan ask me, "valentine keluar dgn siapa weh?"

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I hate that question! Dont ask me who or what or where! I have to celebrate my valentine's day alone :'((
That question abit sensitive. LOL. Haiz.

I get so sick of everyone disappointing me. I guess it's my fault for thinking so highly of people. Because in the end, no one seems to live up to my expectations.

Im so not okay.

Can I ask you one thing?
I sometimes wonder if I leave you right now... would you grab me, or would you just let me walk away?

Answer me.

chapter 185 : Dear, GengBlogger

2010-02-08T23:30:00.002+08:00

Click for larger image, people (:

Errkk. A few minutes ago I just finished update my blog. So, as usual i will go to GB website to ping my blog. Oh for your information. Sorry. Im noob in this. So I just joined Innit. Hahaha. So, I ping my blog dekat innit juga tadi. Heee. Okay, then just now GB website cannot open. I dunno why. Maybe some technical probs? But its fine with me. I understand.

A few minutes later.. GB can open la. So, like always like I did, terus ping my blog. So, while im looking at other post kan. Tetiba TERnampak and I go like EH? O.O Bukan ke tu profile aku? LOL! Hell yeah people! As you can see in the image ;; Profail POPULAR hari ini. Hah amek! Farahlycious turut tersenarai! Hahaha. Woots woots. Clap clap clap xD

“I would like to take this opportunity to thank GengBlogger for give me award ;;"Popular Profile of The Day". HAHAHAHA"

Bukan nak riak. Just x sangka. Tu je. LOL. Thanks again. Heee. Popular ke? LOL. Thats the thing. Popular ka? Haha.

chapter 184 : To be honest, I'm running out of reasons to smile.

2010-02-08T23:27:00.005+08:00

I feel like I'm always the one starting arguments. I'm sorry I'm such a complicated person :'((
& I’M SO SORRY that I’m such a bitch but I just can’t help it.

Oh my. This is sad. Really make me go :'((

Currently im listening to Hero by Enrique Iglesias. Im listening to it like a thousand times. Sigh. Gahh. I have no mood for now. Im so down. Im on the verge of breaking down. The strength that I have to hold myself together is slowly fading away. I just need somebody, somebody to lean on. I feel so alone and I hate it. Save me, please.

I slept at 9.30am which this morning. Sigh. Im super duper tired right now. I dun even have any energy. Plus im sooo not in the mood. I called Menara Star today and congratulations to Farah cause she get hired. Clap clap clap. After that, around 9.30am I went to bed and woke up 12pm. I heard the alarm and I keep snooze it. Snooze it like a few times. When it reach to 1pm, fine. I give up. I really have to wake up cause im going to Menara Star to take my letter offer and do some medical check-up.

I went with my sister. She pei me today. I left home around 2.20pm and I reach there at 3 kot? Think so cause its kinda hard to get parking over there. After take the letter offer, I straight went to Klinik Kim & Nasir just down there nearby the Menara Star. I think that is one of their klinik panel kot? So I did the medical check-up. Everything is going well. No high blood pressure etc. LOL. 3.30pm I straight went to Daya Sinar X-Ray at PJ. I also need to do a x-ray. So everything done at 4pm and now I just have to wait Menara Star to call me back again to confirm when im going to start.

I reach home at 4.30pm and poof. Terus tido. Seriously, I cannot tahan. Im so tired. Sigh. Then I woke up just now at 9.45pm. Ngantuk dowh. Haha. So, nothing much la. Mum already bought bahan-bahan for cupcakes for me. Tomorrow MAYBE im gonna make cupcakes or MAYBE a cake. I dunno. See first la but im planning to do some cupcakes. And tomorrow also im going to Seri Pacific Hotel to give them my resign letter. Lols. I only work there like a few days? Haha. Btw, thanks Uncle Raziff for find me a job. I really appriciate it.

This morning my family and I had a lil discussion. I ask my dad to follow up with his friend regarding bout my application to UiTM on this June. After that, we talked bout hotel industry and office liner. Sigh. Dad prefer me to work in hotel industry cause Uncle Razif will help to promote me if I work like 1 year? And at the same time, I wanna further my study. Doing diploma is going to take like 3 years. 3 years in study = 0 exprience in work. If I work like 1 year, I dah boleh naik pangkat? Maybe can be a supervisor or anything? Sigh. Benda ni sume make me so confused la.

Haiz. I dunno la. No mood to think bout anything for now :'((

chapter 183 : Do you think you know me?

2010-02-08T05:18:00.008+08:00

WARNING!!

This is a LONGGGGG post!
Dont bother to read it if you dont want to!
You can press Alt + F4
If you wanna stay, just stay and I hope you enjoy with the post (:
Dont tell me I didnt warn you :P

I take this quiz like a couple of hours ago. This quiz is really great cause ALL of the answer represent the real ME. Lol. After 1 question, im going to the next question. After that, next next and next. Hahaha. I never had enough. Its fun. I love quiz. Hee (:

I wanna share the result with my loved ones here and also for the readers. Hahaha. Okay, here is the result (:

The Real Me :

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

What's my personality love style :
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

What is my personality style :

Bright and Cheerful

You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

My love and my sweetheart :
This man is a sporty type. He has a strong heart and easily comes to terms with the truth. He likes sport and physical challenges, and quickly gets bored with routine. As for women, he gets bored if they are too formal and proper. You need to be enthusiastic and ready to be spontaneous as the occasion requires it. He enjoys activities such as bush walking or rock climbing, so to keep the relationship running smoothly you should give them a go.

Is he the one for me? :
Success Rate In Relationships: 61%

Things could turn out either way.

You are a little too confident. You assume that he acts the way he does because he's interested in you. Don't forget, however, that he's the type of guy who is interested in a lot of things--and a lot of people. He's a very popular person, so it doesn't mean he cares particularly for you when he shows that he's worried because you're not well, or because he has called you at home once or twice. Nonetheless, you should not abandon all your hopes! It could be that he really does like you, and the way he acts indicates these feelings. You need to carefully observe his behavior, and how he reacts to you. And you should show him more clearly how you feel. If he reacts to you as usual after he knows you're keen, then don't worry, he's coming your way.
(Oh dear. They're right. Maybe im too confident. Gosh. I should act like normal tho. Lol)

Is he the real one? :
He is a good friend. He's sitting in your heart as a best friend. You get along very well. But if you are looking for something more than that, there's a long way to go.
(Awww. Long way to go? Sabar Farah. Sabar. Hahaha)

A present for my boyfriend :
You are interested in the opposite sex. Though you have already got a guy you like, you still date with other guys. Is that right?
(This analysis really make me LOL-ed! HAHAHAHA)

Jealousy test :
Jealousy Level: 65%

You are a jealous person but you try not to let it show

You often get very jealous of others but you are successful at controlling your emotions publicly. When you feel that other people are winning things that you deserve, you get very upset, but you won't hurt anybody else by making a scene. Your jealousy is private. You might, for example, cry yourself to sleep at night when you get really jealous of someone.

Am I a cinderella? :
How you control your husband, who will lead the family and who will be led?
You will never expect to control your boyfriend or husband. Your boyfriend and you will take turns to make decision and the decision is often acceptable to both of you. Whatever you want to let him know, you can just tell him straightforwardly. This is a good relationship, a pretty modern one.

My marriage :
How will you choose your Mr Right?
You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church.

Who will be your future Mr Right?
Your real-life hero will be manly. He'll be dependable, even financially. He will protect you and always respect your feelings. He'll probably be quite a bit older than you.

When will you get married?
You will be very determined and thorough in choosing a spouse. You'll study every detail about your man before saying yes to a life of love. You will eventually make a good choice, but you'd better be sure that he's willing to wait that long.

What sort of wife will you be?
If your hubby is crazy enough to ask you to do silly things, you may as well have fun with him. You'll make a fun-loving wife.

Will you and your husband have a good time together?
You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.

How loyal are you?
You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.
(Woo woo. im agree on this part. Hahaha)

How deep is my love? :
Depth: 63%

You have him in a corner of your heart. Don't lie to yourself; he's your special guy. Take good care of your heart. You still have a long way to go. Always remember that love has two edges. Being apart for a while might be a good chance to proof his love to you.
(Heh. Maybe I should go and take a break for one day or maybe a week and we'll see. Is he gonna find me?)

The third eye :
You are scared of being cheated on by others and don't want to be disappointed. That's why you seem to be contented with unrequited love.
(OMG! This is sooooo fuckin TRUE! Hahaha)

How do I choose my soulmate? :
1. Love
2. Education
3. Money
4. Appearance

Most of the quiz that I took is 98% is correct! Hahaha. So, do you still want me, honey? Think it twice. Like I said before there is nothing to lose. Im worth it for you, darling ♥

chapter 182 : A good day

2010-02-07T23:59:00.001+08:00

Hello new followers! :D
To all my old & new followers, thanks for all the likes & reblogs. I loovelooovelooooove all of youuu ♥

I should post it like yesterday but I really have no time for it. So I decided to post it today. Heee. This morning, I woke up at 6am. Sigh. Macam nak gi sekolah pulak bangun awal-awal kan? Haha. I had bathe etc so I walk out from my room and suddenly mum said "Hii (sambil senyum lebar)" Im like HUH? Buang tebiat ke apa orang tua ni? LOL!

Im not really closed with my mum or dad. Yes, im nt closed with my parent. Get it? (: And its kinda strange for me. We never practic on Hi, Hello, Morning in our family. Except with the siblings. Then I replied, "Oh, morning". Soo.. I think it a good started of the day? Haha. I left home with a smiling face. Aww. Feels happy kot? Heee xD

Oh oh, before that. Mum told me she do a business. Im like heh? Pe jadah plak ni? LOL. First thing, she smiled and say Hi to me. Second, she doin a business? Am I dreaming? LOL. Its weird. Like really weird. LOL. Yes, its weird for me. You wont understand how I feel right now. Haha. So, she show me the box and blablabla.. Yada yada.. Inside my head, boleh laku ke ni? LOL. I reach home kinda early around 5.30pm. Dad picked me up. He bring Danish, Mika and Damia together. Oh hello kids. LOL.

After that, when I reach home I found that habis dorg jual dah benda alah tu. LOL! Wow, that is so cool. Haha. Nice nice. I wonder where my mum get that thingy. Oh, it came from my auntie! Im still planning to sell the prepaid but I dunno where and which website I can get it. I scared benda ni sume tipu. LOL. Never try never know aite? But.. Sigh. Nanti la.

chapter 181 : I wrote this for you

2010-02-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

hello !
farah is my name. I'm a complicated person. Trust me.
I heart fashion, clouds, all kinds of cute and pretty stuffs (:

I jump into one blog and I found that his blog kinda interesting. And I found all this question. Mr J let me help you on your question. Mr J? Hahaha. I dont even know him. It so random okay. Bukan J yang tu ye. Hahaha. Its the other J. LOL!

`- Bahagian lelaki manakah yang dilihat dari segi pandangan mata seseorang wanita adalah seksi?
Bagi saya, bahagian yang paling seksi ialah rambut. Hahaha. Lain orang lain pendapat kan?

`- Adakah wanita suka tengok lelaki berbadan sasa ?
Tidak semestinya. Ala, paling koman pun bia ada 6 packs. Hahaha. I like. LOL!

`- Kenapa wanita bila shopping ambil masa berjam - jam?
Cause perempuan sng rambang mata. Dia kadang-kadang dunno which one to choose.

`- Suka tak kalau perut boyfriend anda boroi?
Gahhh. No way! Haahahah.

`- Kenapa wanita bila makan suka ambil nasi sedikit je?
Cause perempuan ske diet.

`- Wanita kalau bergaduh main tarik rambut ... peliknyer
Sapa kata? I x pun? I tampar je. Hahaha.

`- Kenapa orang wanita tak nak terus terang je bila dia suka kat seseorang tu.
Cause we are shy! We takut kena reject. Kan malu gitu? Lol

`- Kenapa warna PiNK sering dikaitkan dengan wanita?
Cause Pink color kan sweet. Sweet = wanita.

`- Wanita risau sangat pasal berat badan dan kalau boleh taknak berisi sedangkan sekarang lelaki banyak suka yang gebu gebu...montel
Eh, yeke? Hmm. Kita nak kurus cause x nak boy lari. LOL.

`- Kalau diberi pilihan memilih yang mana satu anda pilih ? Hodoh atau Hensem?
Biarlah sedap mata memandang :)

`- Wanita suka lelaki Tempatan atau Luar Negara macam dabid bikam dan liurnado kapitpior.
Hahaha. I nak Edward Cullen je and and my boyfriend Chad Michael Murray ♥ Tapi if nak jadi pasangan hidup, I prefer lelaki tempatan. Senang kot. If dia diff country and diff religion nak convert2 ni suma, payah la. If dia x betul, kang kita jugak salah :S

`-Kenapa wanita suka jawap soalan seperti di atas dengan jawapan " kalau sudah jodoh i terima jelah"
Hah! Itu jawapan redha namanya! Hahaha.

chapter 180 : Sometimes people are beautiful

2010-02-07T23:56:00.004+08:00

Hahaha. This picture really make me LOL-ed! Dont you think its funny? LOL. I think some people might understand it. If you're not, paham-paham sendiri la. Lu pikirlah sendiri. Hahaha.

Oh hello darling ♥
RAPERAPERAPERAPE! You are officially raped by me! I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu ♥

Wow, I feel so good today. Hahaha. I think I sleep at 5am kot? Im not really sure. So, I woke up at 5pm jugak. 12 Hours? o.o Woots. Jodoh x datang. Confirm. LOL! Actually, I already woke up around 9am but Hey! Today is my off day. Why I wake up so early? I think I should sleep back? Hahaha. Poof.. ZzzZZZzzz ~

Ye. Memang aku nak balas dendam. Aku nak balas dendam setelah 4 hari aku kena bangun awal. So this is it. Time for revenge, baby! LOL. And today jugak nak balas dendam kat audi. Yes! Im going to level soon. Jys me, honey ♥ Currently, im listening to Hero by Enrique Iglesias. That song really make me go "Awww" Hahaha.

"I can be your heroin, baby
I can kiss away the pain
I would stand by you forever
You can take my breath away"

Trust me, darling. Im worth it for you. Hahaha. There is nothing to lose cause im always be with you, no matter what. Heee ♥ Love is in the air ~ Love is in the air ~ Hahaha. Im flying. Weee =p

Okay. Enough with the crap -_- Nothing much today. Just that I spent most of my time with audi. I dunno. Maybe im going to level. So semangat tu ada? Hahaha. So yeah. The kids are here and they are so annoying! -_- Keep disturbin while im playing. Benci! Nothing much la. So far im okay. My condition pun stabil je. Nothing to emo for now. Yeah. Only for now. Lol.

Oh dear, tomorrow is Monday. I hate yuhhh Mr.Monday cause you are sucks. Mr.Monday always spoil my mood. Thats why I hate him. Hey, no vulgar! Who cares? Im the owner. Only the readers je no vulgar coming from them. Hahaha. Seriously, im lazy to go work. Oh yeah! Im gonna call Menara Star tomorrow. Wish me luck guys. I hope I get that job. Heee xD

Dear baby,

I want to be your girlfriend more than an electron wants to attach to a proton ♥